bits and pieces
Well shit.
I don't feel like structuring sentences or influencing you with my sexual innuendos. K, call it laziness... I call it down-right deserving.
I give to you the following thoughts and observations, feel free to comment as you like (god willing)... and remember - drive hammered, get nailed.
1. Work sucked ass. I hate conference calls, they never work out to my advantage. Dammit Mr. If you could only see my cleavage over here on my end you might be just distracted enought to agree with me.
The only thing good about today at work? --- uh, err. Was nothing.
2. This thought is for the ladies... if you don't have a vagina or aren't married to one, you may have no idea what I'm about to spit:
So you go into your gynecologists office for your 'visit', kay? Sheet akwardly over lap, heels propped embarrassingly... it's bad enough right? Right.
So of course he/she leans in to do the examination... and yeah well, what do you talk about? Especially after the first words out of their mouths are "jeez, I missed you.. it's been a whole year.' *cringe* Ummm, you really had to wait to say that until you were up and under the sheet, didn't you doc?
3. After my life meltdown last week, I decided to switch up the blog a little and lean more heavily into what I had originally planned for the theme. No, not like tacky cunt shots or anything *thinking* *contemplating even*
No, no I won't do it.
More stories, more top 10's, yes more porn review (geesh), and I'll do some Q&A's anonymous or otherwise (at the requests of you). People dug my ipod top twenty, even if it was a shuffle; so maybe I'll swing that too.
If you have a request, question, comment, porn you want reviewed... really any damn thing; I put up my email to the right. No, your other right.
How many of you actally had to think about whether you looked to your 'real' right first? Thought so.
So further on, I also plan on spot lighting other's light erotica. Starting this week. If you have something smutty you wrote, or would like to write for the spot light, pls do. I think that's what the champagne room will be... but not sure.
I needed a champagne room. Now I just gotta figure out how to fill it.
4. I made a kick-ass dinner Sunday night. I was proud, shoulda had you over for that.
5. Alright, for the men: Really, men have this whole ball adjustment thing down to a science. I'm envious. Not that I want balls... that would be just one more thing I'd have to contend with... bothersome.
Really don't know HOW you manage to pull off testicle wearing; seeing how you are with a common cold. But hey, I praise you all mighty ball adjusters... and your freaky little dances.
6. I've been people watching on my blog links, and enjoying your stuff more than usual. I think it's the fact that summers over and y'all are spending more time indoors... scary. Except you Sass... who I can't imagine ever staying indoors!
You guys and gals make my day... really, have we all met each other yet? Feeling comfortable, no? I have been updating my links (also to the right)... so dive in. BUT, don't forget who introduced you k? I'm working for the title of Madame En... and charging each time you click.
posted by Everything Nice at 7:15 PM
25 Comments:
As for gyno docs, I don't think I could do it... I couldn't ever be paid to look up old friends.
1. Poor baby. Show me your cleavage and I'll kiss it all better.
2. No vagina here. But I'm fearing the day when I need the test that shoves the 3-foot camera thing up the hole in my penis.
3. Any tacky e-mail cunt shots? ;) Also, is there sex in the champagne room?
4. Thanks, but I was full.
5. Can't you adjust yer ben-wa balls?
6. Thanks. I know you meant me especially ;)
LOL
Let me see if I can do this all in one comment...
RM- Never seen 'wit', I'm checking it out though... have a need to inquire if it was anything like my weirdo visit. I think that the pinapple juice is dead on. Acidity is helpful... ummmm, like other things known to be acidic that I uh, hope you aren't drinking.
Kiddin'- I luv ya, really. And when he asks you 'how r u doing' of course you reply with "Umm, doc can we not go over that... I'm clenching just thinking about it."
Moms that can cook are the bomb... and assuring that who ever marries our children better goddamn cook just as well if not better than us.
T- *blush* you called me luva luva... jesus that's really hot. Call me so I can HEAR you say it.
Still thinking on our story by the way.
DOM - LOL Yes you could.
DOZ - I'm so relieved that you dont have a vagina, really. No, really. And I'm assuming you never joined the military either. If you had you would know about the 12 inch long cotton swab...
I do adjust my ben-wah balls... today they're vearing a little to the left though... no, my other left. Any takers on how to help me adjust them inconspicuosly?
*raises hand to volunteer being on the ben-wa squad*
Sorry about work. I hope today is better!
The gyno visit just sucks! A friend of mine had surgery recently and hers told her that she needed to go home and give her husband blowjobs since she couldn’t have sex for six weeks.
I’m glad you decided to stay!
I love to cook a good dinner!
Balls… hehe! I like balls… they’re fun…
I’m more than comfy!
OK ... who likes to cook what? What's your best dish/meal?
I do a mean spicy steak spaghetti ... and being and islander, I can barbecue with the best of them!
naughty one: again, thanks. you're a doll (I'd buy the blowup version). Seriously ... thanks again.
i made up a peppercorn sauce once...
otherwise i cook whatever is in the house but am extra good at bbq steak and any kind of eggs :)
BBQ is good at my house... absolutely. Another thing I excel at would be home made beef stew... as far as baking is concerned, I make a sweet strawberry-rhubarb pie.
Shit, now I'm hungry
naughty one: omigod You just named my all-time favorite pie, I shit you not! My dad (rest his soul) loved it too ... and my mom could never bring herself to make it after he passed ... but it's the best pie on Earth!!
absofuckinlutely. I think I may make one now.. but having a hard time finding Strawberries in season.
Hot house strawberries are way too tart.
JESUS T STOP! JUST STOP!
You're wearing on my delicate sensibilities here... I'm trying not to succumb to the urge of packing my vegas suitcase for so cal instead.
You said 'pie' and 'call me' and at night... jesus..
*sweating here*
NO, I really needed to go with that... and you need to go with that..
go T go. *pom poms*
uhhhmmm. jesus.
cleaning toilets... urinal cakes... etc.
I love you T. with all of my slutty little heart. Please wear that outfit, you can borrow my webcam.
I know what bloomer are... uh, I was on the Drill Team, we had to wear bloomers too.
STOP.
Shit, I feel drill team jokes running rampantly on this comments section now.
That's it T, we really need to meet up and bring our uniforms, we can share some moves with each other.
wow. I sit in amazement that he didn't mention anything about the drill team thing.
*blank stare*
really? do you think so.
That sucks, I was going to buy him dinner before oral sex.
wait. no, we weren't there yet were we?
k, let's re-group. T, I really can't believe that you went on and on about paris hilton movie making without me
*tear*
now I have to be the towel girl.
Ooh, does that mean I get the middle?
Totally hotness... *sigh*
Now if only we really could...
um
i love strawberry rhubarb but really, just for kicks, try it with bluberry rhubarb sometime. I had that as jam once and could NOT stop myself from fully eating it out of the jar with a spoon!
i was on the drill team too but it was the air cadet kind so the uniform didn't have bloomers it had terrible green and army boots.
I go away for a week and you all are back to talking about balls. Didn't we have this conversation before; remember when Murph disclosed that he SHAVED his?!?
Carlos, Pete and I had our own Drill Team. We got out of school 30 minutes before Palotti, the local parochial school, let out. We'd ride over in my midnight blue '68 bug with the sweet, pungent odor of Alcapulco Gold streaming out the windows, enticing the white-bloused, knee-socked catholic girls to take a little ride with us heathen boys.
Six people crammed into a VW on a crisp September day. Comfy.
The ritual removal of those wool pleated skirts. Lovely.
Creamy, milky white thighs...
Well, I digress.
New York's Finger Lakes are beautiful in the fall.
PS - my apologies to you and Sass. Seems I inadvertently removed your links when I updated my template.
damm he almost makes me want to go get a school girl's outfit to wear just so some nice pot smelling man will pick me up and get me all silly :)
ming: we think we may forgive you :)
Take a pill, Murph. And pass that beach towel to Dzer. That boy's gonna explode.
k wait. what happened to big daddy doz?
Ming - welcome back, had almost given up on you completely. Glad to know the gray temples are representing.
Murph- I was under the assumption that you liked people obsessing about your balls, be it a woman or man.. was I wrong?
*sigh, taking down poster of your balls blown up to 150% magnification.*
Sass- Did you mean pot selling, or pot smelling? Either way I'm good with what you said. errr... school girl outfit... ummmm.
Cleaning toilets.
Alright T, you're the lettuce, I'm the meat and sass and elle can me the bread. 'kidding' is the side of potato chips that make their way into the sandwich. Lill can be the pickle... but only if it's stuck through the top with one of those toothpick-like thingies.
Sounds like a meal fit for a king. And when we're done, I'll bake a pie
ming: I am about to explode
teresa and naughty one: bloomers? I thought they were called "spankies?" Different cheerleader underwear?
naughty one: Umm ... it's called sleep? LOL
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