My R-Rating

We're gonna shift gears hard and do a 360 into a topic that I don't remember ever discussing before on this blog. It's something we're all familiar with but don't necessarily talk about directly.
Well, that's not true... Dzer has often told of his romantic ideals and opinions many times. Sass has intellectually hinted indirectly at what her romance commandments are :)

Hell, on the other end of the spectrum, even Murph talked about it.

We're talking about romance people.

So... When I felt inspired to touch upon this topic, it was because I had explained my standards of romance and some one challenged me on it. My first question to myself was 'why was I dis-believed'?
And I answered myself simply and without strain "Because I think every one dictates the definition of it differently- though there is a societal standard."

To my own defense and stupidity, I said to my inner-self "Yeah, you're absolutely right... So I wonder if my definition of romance is way different than others? Or what others assume mine are? Hmmm."

What IS romance to me?

K. When that happens people... I'm fairly convinced I need to write about it. And then, well, you know... You ask a couple lovely ladies to help you expound the differences:

R: what are we doing?

E: talking about romance... I need some assistance.

R: you're romance challenged?

J: as in, what maybe how to be romantic?

E: Yes.
E: No. I mean like how do you define it?

J: look it up on dictionary.com dummy

R: for me it would be alone time with my husband or dinner out

E: thanks Red. Jess what's yours?

J: oh well that's easy.
J (typing)

E: is it taking her long enough?

R: I could have swore she said the answer was easy

E: see why I strain to give her back her password?

J: I see you two talking about me

E: Ummm. Tell me you didn't just erase everything you just took 10 minutes to type

J: definitely a walk on the beach at sunset. Maybe with like a picnic basket of goodies. If she's really romantic she will say something really sweet at me and then we can cuddle as the sun sets. Or even flowers, or candles, or candy!

R: so I gather Jess isn't high maintenance or anything

E: I gathered the same. And see, this is what I'm talking about. You both have vastly different definitions of romance...
E: For Red it's alone time. For Jess it's a full blown re-enactment of Message in a Bottle. I wonder if that's because one of you is married and the other is single.... And younger.

R: yeah, because I couldn't see it being a hetero/bi thing. i would puke if my husband wanted to have a picnic at sunset on the beach.
R: flowers I could do though.

E: me too :)

J: they'd HAVE to be roses though, long stem

R: I prefer a potted plant.

E: I like something more simple than roses... but nothing I could plant in the yard. Hmmm.
E: So would you say your idea of romance stems on your parents and the way they responded to each other as you were growing up? Were they physically close and outwardly sappy affectionate?

R: how very psychologist of you Dr. Emma... please analyze us.

J: My parents were really close, too close sometimes. My dad would always bring my mom home nice things and she would go on and on about them.

R: my parents were too. close that is. He didn't always buy her things but he held her hand all the time. I thought that was cool.

E: So that's interesting. Really both of your explanations shed a sliver of light on your feelings about what romances you and what doesn't...

R: weird. i guess it does huh?

E: K Jess, if you were married and had kids... And all your free time was spent doing other things and you knew you only had one night a month to spend with your husband sans kids... Would your expectations be any less than the beach scenario?

J: Probably not. I'd just get everything ready before the babysitter got there. But wait, I'm not into men... I won't be having children
J: So my standards don't need to be concerned.

E: What about you Red, what do you think... If you were single?

J: yeah totally she would

R: No, i think any time spent together, only focused on each other is romance.

E: I agree on that point, but if he really wanted to dazzle you, and asked you how... really, what would you say?
E: Dinner out?
E: Candles and incense in?
E: Porn?
J: She's speechless em

E: Throw me a bone here Red. I'm losing you...

R: Candles..? Perhaps. dinner out.. no i take that back, not dinner out.
R: shit I dont know Emma. what's yours?

E: Sincerity, attentiveness, focus. That's romance.

J: ?

R: wait, so you're telling me that if someone is all those things, you would feel romance? Would it have to be at the same time? Wow, if that's all it takes then I'll blow smoke up your ass AND look you in the face when I do it.

J: ROFLMAO

E: Red, if you did that... I would be in love all over again.
E: No, listen to me break it down for you stupid head

J: She called you stupid head, that's my line! If she doesn't want your smoke can I have it?

R: See now she just romanced me and insulted me at the same time. nice.

E: Sincerity - If when he (or she goddamnit jess) is genuine and sincere it captivates me. There's nothing more romantic than a soul that's not afraid to just be themselves.
E: Attentiveness - Yeah it kinda goes along with what Red said about just being together. But if I'm with you and you really want to romance me, pay attention to me. I don't care if the person in the next booth just had a birthday and you want to comment on the size of their fudgecake... Eyes on me. I'm selfish that way... but to me, that's romance.

J: i had to wait forever for that one.

R: I agree so far but what about focus? What does that mean? Is it the same as attentive? I mean, if you're paying attention you're focused... Am i wrong? Or do you mean they have to see...

J: see what?

E: See it go right over your head Jess.
E: By focused I mean, well... Focused. I mean you can't tell me that when a guy is being romantic there's not an MO... he's in trouble, he wants to get in your pants...etc.

J: or she and I'm lost now.

R: well that's true in many regards, yes.

R: Nope, i cant debate that at all.

E: Jess?

J: nope.


And we went on and on for quite awhile. Everything from movie quotes and how their reaction to them dictates whether they'd be dazzled or not to just plain full on ... Well, I'm not lying to you. The conversation shifted to sex eventually. So... ummm..

J: my hair is not long enough for that

E: Ladies, did we finalize our romance topic at all?

R: cant say as we did.. how are you going to approach writing about this then?


Truth is, I had no idea where to go from there... so, I thought that since I'm getting comfortable with my own definitions of life and it's 'key words', I'll blurt out my definition of romance...

All of the above I mentioned on Attentiveness, Focus, and Sincerity.
I'm not a material freak, in fact I find the most romantic times are during verbal and physical connection. Not an armful of flowers.

I insist that I do not need my ego fluffed all the time, eventually I'll begin to think there's something wrong with you... i have my bad personality traits too. Perfect example, when I did have the opportunity to date a wonderful gentleman that did nothing but compliment me left and right -- it got tiring honestly. SO pretty soon I began to think he was just a liar too... There were times when I was blatantly a bitch on wheels.

Same goes for acts of kindness... Don't treat me like shit, but don't paw all over me and make me 'first' in your life... I'm cool with some secondsies time. When you come back to me with sincerity, attentiveness, and focus... I'll appreciate you more because I missed you.

I've felt romance in the bedroom with candles, a yacht on the ocean at sunset, a car garage, the back woods of some summit while I was fucked up on LSD and climbed to the top stripped off my clothes and made wild monkey sounds with three guys.
Sorry you missed that mini :) really am. Should have never had that last moosehead. You know, and now that I think back on that... Im glad those guys were gentlemen about that.

But I digress- my romance lately was found on the couch watching football... When the hub told me I wasn't so bad after all; and surprisingly it wasn't because he wanted in my pants or did anything wrong.
Also lately I felt it when I was given a very flattering sincere statement (that wasn't about my ass) from a friend. Of course, I think they had an MO...

ultimately this picture absolutely describes what I'm talking about:



If you could describe one word that dictated what romance meant to you... What would it be?