Random finale' of the last three days

Ever dropped a rose on the grave of a dear departed?

It's the most morbid and lonely feeling... ever. Basically, it sucked.
But with that, symbolically everything else that was wound up tighly in my soul unravelled from it's choke hold and fell into that grave as well.
I hope deep inside this was the last person I will have had to say good-bye to for some time. I'm tired of being sad, and it's time to begin a transition to a new chapter.

I went out the last two evenings.
Had to release some steam and get my head right.... I danced. Like a bizarre ritual, some how shaking my ass and grinding into hot bodies aided every wound I'd masked... So I cherished it and filled my soul with 'food' every bump... Every grind. People asked where I had been, told me they missed me, offered sympathies. I sat with Dr. K an hour or two.

Hence, the heeling process has begun. *ahem*

Echo... Echo.... Echo..... Echo.... Echo (it was empty here for a while, wasn't it)

***

"Drew dammit, is my dick still there or not?"
Please trust that I was curious about whether his manhood was still intact after what I had said to the administrative nurse at pre-op that morning. That and the fact that the doctor commented on Shawn feeling 'like a new woman in no time' was just enough for me to whip the sheets back right away... But I didn't. I wasn't certain that I wanted to be the one to break the news.

"Shawn, I'm not looking for you. Why don't you just wait and see for yourself?"

Though my curiousity was peaked I admit. My fingers were itching to just reach and pull... reach and pull...

"Please Starfucker, you're the only one I trust to tell me if it looks bad. Please?" Shawn clasped his fingers and pleaded like a 2 year old would for it's pacifier. I just looked at him like he was insane. "PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!?!?!"

I sighed deeply, half-way enjoying his pleading and all the while remembering the therapy sessions we had weeks ago when he'd plead like that to feel my boot heel in his shoulder. My hands went up in defense at his badgering.

"Christ! Okay okay I'll look!!!! But it's gonna look bad anyway you asshole, you just got out of surgery... If it looks half-way decent I'd be surprised...."

So I lift the sheet from the side and peek my head into the sterile white crispness, thinking I'd only see gauze and wrapping, but no actual stitching or skin. And for a moment there I did see just that, and everything was good... However upon closer inspection... "See you dumb ass, it's just some gauze and cotton like stuff and I can't see-"

Stopping abruptly, I pause in my sentence because well, there it was. And I wasn't really certain I was seeing 'IT', but holy FUCK once my eyes focused I realized that yep... causing me to jump back a bit in my search for a good overall visual, and I gasped a little.

"Well? WELL? What is it? Is it there?" Shawn ran his hands through his coif "Why are you blushed? What the fuck? Great, I have a cunt don't I? Oh jesus..."

I laughed because this could potentially be the cruelest prank ever played in the whole HISTORY of our frienship. So I had to give it a good... long.... pause just to keep the suspense going.

I look under the sheet again in hopes to capture some sort of descript for you people that read this. But really I can only come up with two words to accumulate an over all picture for your mind.

Franken penis. Yep...

You ever had a finger splint?

"No hun, no... It's there and it's fine. It just needs to heal is all." I calmed him reassuringly as I sat trying not to look horrified.

"It better be, there's a hot nurse that works the 5pm shift here I need to know." He grinned, winced, and pushed his self-serve button.

"It's bigger isn't it Em? It feels like a monster..."

That was Wednesday.

I'm Emma and I'll be your babysitter for the day
Que funeral on Thursday, during the caravan back to the house for the potluck afterwards. I checked my voicemail messages

"Hey Emma, It's Kasey. I came to visit Shawn and see how he was feeling but he keeps wanting to show me his cock and I just don't know how many more times I can bear to look at it. I'm going to take off but if you have a chance, can you stop by and see him later?"

Comedy relief. I head to the hospital after kissing my kidlets good night.

Thursday was a better night for talking, and he sat patiently listening to me down load my thoughts.. Of course I had to look at his dick once or twice to appease him. But it looked better that day and the brace was removed for the time being.

I was there until 3am (per his request), and we sang "She's out of my life" (by Michael Jakson around 1am (louder than we should've) while I chugged my mini Stoli's and he gnawed on pizza. Our tradgedy and jokes therein were great for bothering Shawns room neighbor who was a total dick head, especially around midnight when he was trying to sleep. Whatever.

That was Thursday.

I took sleeping pills at 3am. Woke for work at 5am.

The hands down fuckin' funniest thing I ever witnessed in my whole life.
Was Friday evening when I was waining and barely operational. Truly this week has been a tremendous downward spiral for yours truly and I barrelled hard into the darkest place I'd ever been in my life. Just strange, even more dismal than when my health was poor. Dr. K chalked it up to emotional illness, and how we are inept to repair emotion and soul as we can the physical being.

I sit watching the local news with Shawn when the nurse walks in and makes mention of THE DOSE. I watch her plug the extra IV doohickey in, check his stats and temperature, and then turn to me and say "Our cafeteria is down stairs if you're hungry or thirsty."

"Oh no I'm fine." I thank her, she shoots a look at Shawn.

Shawn then replies to the nurse "Nah, its good. She can stay, she's seen it before."

OOoookay.
So we're watching the news, having conversation... When the sheets start to move around his groin section. I try not to notice this and reflect on local weather, but in my peripheral I can see the sheets begin to shift and rise.

Rising, Rising... Sunny and 70... Rising.
My head jerks to the bed.
And there it is... in all its glory... The tent.

I look hastily at Shawn who is laughing at my expression and wiping a tear of pain from his eye. "Yeah, should have told you what the dose is. It's some shit they give me to exercise the new skin since it needs to be able to reflex correctly... " He shrugs "So it doesn't tear..."

And there he lays with a big ass boner and I can no longer watch the news.

"Shawn I feel weird with you here and your boner... and..." I pause and try not to imagine the pain he must be feeling "You're not going to cum, are you?"

"Fuck I hope not." He laughs "It will go down in a minute or two..."

"How often do you do the dose?"

"Every couple of hours or so... Will you be sticking around for the 9pm showing? Bring in your Ipod, we'll do it to music."

I heard the tires screech to a halt in your head.
So at this point, I'm thinking to myself... That's right, they had to graff new skin onto his penis. I wonder where they got the skin from to replace the missing piece?

"Shawn, where did they get the skin from... Do you know?"

"Honestly, I have no clue... I've been kinda thinking on that actually. It's not my neck, my ass, my waist... I patted and felt around everywhere for any kind of extra bandaging but haven't found it."

"Have you asked any one? The doctor?"

"I'm afraid to" Shawn pushed his self-service morphine button again "And my whole fucking crotch is on fire all the way to my asshole."

mm. hmmm. I smiled widely and peered lovingly (yet sarcastically) at him and his tent.

Batted my eyelashes... and said:

"Say it taint so Shawn... say it taint so."