It's all in the cards

This is a card playing post... you don't like cards, you won't like this...

See if you can digest it though, there's entertainment in there somewhere!!!


So last night was 'King Me' night at one of my many fetish friends' house. She is an infamous Madame in the area and a good pal of mine that I studied under back in the day when I was still learning how to master the ebbs and flows of truly mind-bending S&M.

'King me night' is sorta like a poker night, but more like "what did you want to play next"? Basically a group of people (around 20 or so) that want nothing more to do than play cards, win money, and get drunk.

BYOB and Anything goes for this trip, I settled for wearing my jeans and my white t-shirt instead of 'dolling up' in hopes of getting some action.

For some reason I was more content on winning money than I was for sex.... Somethings just not right with that. I'll be sure to check in with my psychologist for that on Tuesday.

Anyway, the first game on is Black Jack, and I score against the dealer three times in a row... Gaining a $78 lead and feeling like the Hat Trick moment didn't last long enough to secure me an ample win the next hand when I lifted to a 19.
I stay, she calls bust... I gained $5... dammit, coulda won that big too.

Two hours later I was well into my Redbull and Vodka, little peppy little stupid, little tipsy but doing good... It was time for Poker.

Poker and I don't get along too well, even when it's 5 card 'let it ride' and it would seem that seeing five cards in the same suit would be a flush. Sure...

You would think I could have paid more attention considering the $250 I just bank rolled to the table. But nope, that fifth spade looked more like a club and well...

when i threw in, and Trix chuckled... I knew I was an idiot and watched my $250 go bye-bye to Shawn who was doing pretty well for himself considering his pain killer binge after the terrible Thursday Night whoopsie.
Remind me to tell you about that fucked up debauckle sometime.

Anyway, he took it with three of a kind and made some dumb ass comment about my card playing skills in which I quickly kicked his fractured leg on accident and scurried to the kitchen for some 151 happiness.

Anybody else see something wrong with the "flammable" warning on the back of that bottle?
Yeah, me neither.

And the fact it has a "flame control stopper" on the top means nothing to me besides the fact that I can absolutely convince myself that indeed perhaps that cigarette after a large swig might NOT be the best idea....

Anybody see the movie "Better Off Dead"? Anybody? But I digress....

Frankly, I was excessively intoxicated by this point and striving to get back my 300+ dollars lost during poker. And subsequently some how a pair of my panties came into play too... Still unsure how my panties get lost during card play (shit happens all the time).

BUT I proceed to talk shit to Shawn, and he to I, and pretty soon I'm owning up to the fact I can bank my $300 back and then some... Shawn, being a cocky fucker declares that "there is NO game I could possibly snuff him at."


MM breaks out the cribbage board and lays it on the table. I look to Shawn for direction through glazed eyes... and the game was ON.

Trix smiles from the corner and rests on the couch next to her girlfriend, intent to watch me kick some cribbage ass. I know Shawn knows crib well... So this could go either way.


****
First game, I fell short of the goal after betting $50 which after passing the skunk line quickly doubled to $100 and I was now at a loss of $400.

My drunk ass blurted two outta three.

****
Second game, and two more drinks in... I'm having trouble adding, but the run of three combined with the 5 and the crib is mine at 16 points (which put me ahead of him and closer to winning at least my $100 back).

My peg sits happily in the goal and my money is mine again. Game is even, back where we started... He smiles and challenges me to all or nothing best outta three.

****

Problem being, by now everyone has pretty much succumb to the fact that there is a challenge at hand, and between the ambiance of the music playing, the pizza baking (at 2am), and the trash talk from the 14 or so observers perched around the table watching... I felt like I could take the fucker.

"K, game on... all or nothing... bank your $250 and I'll toss in my remaining $150. It gives us room to double after the skunk line."

****

Third game is on, and it's close...
Our pegs remain constantly neck in neck and I'm seeing triples trying dilligently to snarf down my pizza in pursuit of a big win (or not puking, whichever comes first).

Points during hands rock, and Shawn keeps forgetting his doubles (and that 9 and 6 is 15). I love it... Shit is looking good.
He throws a ten,
I throw a ten for twenty,
He's a go I throw another ten for a triple and take my four points...

7 hands played and we pass the skunk line, throw in the rest of our monies and look down at the bank, pressures on and pizza is pretty much everywhere.... Messy drunk eaters? Yep.

Pot is at $800. of real money.
Most I would have ever won playing any game ever...

Seriously its amazing and I'm worried about losing my savings at this point. Potentially if all is played right, this could be the last hand dealt, and god DAMMIT the crib is his so there is definitely good odds that I'm losing this.

He deals, I fan my cards to determine which I sacrifice to his crib, trying to keep my eyes from bulging at my sweet hand and kill a pair of 6's to him.

The game goes well with points played, we're neck and neck, I need 20 to win... Shit can I pull 20 out of this game and end this now? Hmmmm.
Counting begins.. I hit 15 (that's two points for me)...
Two more for a 31 and things are looking good (16),
one point for last card played (15). Hrmph.

Time to count hands, Shawn looks content.
But I'm feeing good as I lay down my cards. If I can't pull at least 15 out he'll win for certain (only needing 7), I mean he can pull that easily out of the crib if not his hand!!! This is my chance....

Luckily, I have three ladies and a 5 with a jack on the deal.

Everybody's quiet and time stops for the moment... Death cab for Cutie grooves in the background.

15 - 2
15 - 4
15 - 6
15 - 8

Three Ladies for 6
Knobs for 2

I win. Shawn chokes on his pepperoni... I smirk, grab my $800 and fall out of my chair... Yes, literally.

Of course you know I fronted $300 back to Shawn which left me with my original wallet of $500 and I decided to find a spot on the couch to sober and shine until I could drive my happy ass back home.

Today I think is a good day to chuck my wins into a trip to Home Depot. As soon as I tackle the hang-over and the 'somebody shit in my mouth' issue.

I'm fairly certain nobody shit in my mouth, but i DO remember the tittie fucking some time around 4am...

Can i have my panties back though? I really liked that pair.