Sparkle
Seriously, the costume rocks.... I tried it on, danced around McFee's in it for about 45 minutes frightening the 'scrapbook moms'. Yeah, it was good times... So I rented it.
BUT I HAVE A PLAN: I'll pass out Tootsie Roll suckers with Fizz centers... So once all the people in the audience bite into the middle their mouths start getting all sour and foamy.
o.m.g. what a fucking SWEET idea....
Alright dammit, I am sooooo fucking losing it.
Insanity can be fun, and I need to capture that in my mind. I'm appreciative that I've gotten the chance to represent my respective clutch of journalists in this way but - really, I know more about your Duclus defrens than you do boys. *sigh*
Okay, so the powerpoint is upon me, and yes I have looked for pictures all day. Unfortunately you all realize when doing ejaculation venues that associate with parts of the mens anatomy, some are only accessable from the back view...
Hence a lot of anal and rectal mention. Therefore, when looking up 'prostate' you get wonderful, glorious full glossy's of men bending over.
A lot of women don't know that your prostate is only accessable through your asshole guys... That's the FIRST thing you should discuss on a date. Kidding! or not.
If that's not bad enough (or good depending on specimen photo) you get the neat ones such as this lovely item that I think every one should have...
the ASS PRACTICER 5000!!!
I spit my fucking coke when I saw this beauty. I wonder if I could somehow rig something magnetic and a buzzer up in there and play Operation with it?
*lightbulb*
Would be great for parties and gatherings. And a mail box. A hide-a-key for the yard. Fill it with ice, would make a great place to put my beer.
jesus.
Happy Fun Fucking Friday.
posted by Everything Nice at 8:51 PM
129 Comments:
So, the model for that "image" had just been swimming and experienced some severe shrinkage or what???
You are a very clever girl and I am sure you will rock this speech.
so this is how someone becomes an "ass master?"
I spit my coke reading most of this.........too funny
Good morning!!!
Pencil holder?
Great place to keep your toilet brush?
toothbrush holder? Too gross.
REMOTE CONTROL HOLDER!!!!
Good Morning Miss EN!
I know that the prostate is only accessible through a guys ass but sometimes he won't break up with his girlfriend...OK really bad joke but it's early!
oh man that's rude
and funny as hell
i would have spit up all over my food if i'd had any.
is he handing out degrees in prostate finding too?
that is some disturbing imagery.
I like the disclaimer BTW!!!
That's some funny shit! I know why I didn't go into the medical field.
That's some funny shit! I know why I didn't go into the medical field.
Snav - You noticed that too huh? I guess they want to emphasize the asshole and not the dick.
But then, err... okay bad man joke was totally coming on there!!!
Sug - LOL! Comedy relief at it's most! You know, cum shots are excellent but I keep those for my own personal and private reference... If you got em though, uhhh feel free to share :D
D- YES! Ass master!!! Seriously, will you play Operation with me? I normally struggle at the wish bone piece...
Kristen - Good morning! Yeah, it's spit territory... HA get it? "spit territory?" Jesus... HA
People, Im on fire today...err comedy wise.
ED - Your number goes in the bathroom stall in 5 minutes.
Madame - GREAT IDEAS!! Not sure about the toothbrush holder... that might be really strange. Toilet brush idea rocks though! you think the boys would feel weird about looking at that next to the potty?!?!?
Morning beautiful lady! Oh, and thanks about the disclaimer... It was brought to you by Spirit :)
Sass - I know, it is rude but see, these are the things that we just dont see unless we're getting a PHD or MD or something in the medical field, and that's fine with me! I haven't forgotten to forward my piece, there's still pieces missing that I need to toss in!
ha, forward my piece. toss in. ha.
Scumbag - I ordered one for your birthday... I didn't know whether to buy small, medium, large, or sheep. Let me know!
Horsn! I thought you rode of into the sunset! How the hell are ya?!? Remote control holder? Yeah I'd thought about that one... long before I saw this model! LOL!
Tumbleweed - I know, I feel like an ass for not being more assertive when it came to schooling.
ass. assertive. oh my.
hee
i'll toss ... erm not polite sass
:)
psst em?
*LICK*
So, good luck with the presentation!
wish I could have come up with the silver bullet for the initial ice breaker! : (
but, you're talking about dicks..., so fuck it.
SHEEP!
You NEVER stop do you!?!?! Totally amazing!!!
Sass- Pls honey, toss away!! *LICK BACK and HAPPY DANCE*
Helskel - I think I got it actually, It came to me last night, and again this morning
*snort*
Ayyt Scumbag - It's sooo yours... I think the sheep model was just the same thing but with cotton balls superglued around the anus... will it still work for ya?
Brian - THANKS! No, I just keep on trying to amaze you all with my gross wit. But only on every day but Thursday... Thursdays are apparently tit and ass watching day... which too, is not a problem.
also ... what was it like being inside a penis, instead of having a penis inside you?
LOL
See, now that's a great question D!
Well, it's hard sometimes I'll tell ya that.
And I have to adjust the way I sit... to make sure my balls are comfortably resting on the floor.
Spit territory........too funny
oh man... this line of conversation is cracking me up...
Tootsie Roll with Fizz center Kristen? I think I got a cherry one with your name on it!
Sass - HA! CRACK! I'm trying not to be too anal when I say this but...
you know, I got brown eyes.
Sold.....i'll take 2
Sheep or Medium model? Ooooh, you were talking about the tootsie rolls....
k! wait, why two?!?! Feeling double fisted this morning are we? Nothing wrong with that!
*GIGGLE* Watch out though, you may get 'cavities'
HA! Cavity... nice!
LOL!!!!
*snort*!
so if you have a bunch of these and keep them and won't give them away ...
... are you anal-retentive?
:D
heheheee
Yeah, I'm tight with my shit sometimes....
Perhaps I could have a lovely ass-istant do passing out while I fart around.
Gives a whole new meaning to the term bungie jumping.
wow. That's impressive... in the surprising educational kind of way. I suppose I shouldn't be that amazed that someone has designed & produced this thang.
*turn head & coughs*
*passes bowl to Em*
now, when you pull something out of your ass ... heh
LOL! Thanks HH! You know, the most disgusting part about this is that I actually wondered who this model was 'cast' after?
I mean, somebody had to dip their ass in a rubber plaster mixture for this thing, right?
And has anybody figured out what the hell is on the 'toothbrush' lookin thing there?
It resembles cauliflower.... I will never eat cauliflower again.
*watches HH's nuts jump*
*coughs, passes bowl back*
*snort* D, that was a shitty thing to say!!!
LMAO!
;)
so ... you get to turd base with this thing yet?
heh
Really, I'm loving all these 'wise cracks'... This is such a deep subject.
hey wait, did I forget a semi-colon somewhere in there?
No No, the '...'s pretty much rectify that.
I did have to adjust a couple of times in fact... my left tends to wanna hang a little lower than my right. I think it's all positioning since I'm not wearing any underwear...
Yeah, it is scratchy... but my fingers smell funny after I do that... and people always wanna shake my hand and have my picture taken with their kids.
turd base!!! HA!
You know, I welcome typo's.
I bet you could multi-task like a motha... Imagine the possibilities just by unzipping your fly!!
I am!
Absolutely! You could collate and type 70wpm!!!
Watch out for those receptionists that bend over though... nothing like sneezing on your paperwork.
Say, if it had hands... that'd be a great belly button lint picker!
Not cauliflower hon, I think its actually one of GW Bush's anal tract polyps he had removed in the beginning of his 1st term. Mutha fuckin EEEEWWWW!
LMAO! HH GW Bush IS an anal tract polyp...
What an appropriate name to drop keeping in context with this post here!! Good thinking!
So glad it's not cauliflower though... I always have mine with a nice creamy white sauce.
:) ha!
*blush* I've missed you too!!! Do you think you'll be keeping up with your blog? Be around?
I would like to re-link you.
I wish it were that easy to get rid of my Investment Banker. But I'm married to him.
Again, great name drop considering the content of this post!
Glad to see you back in the saddle Horsn!
No no no reviews, just keep in mind everybody has a different style of writing.
I will be checking that out in depth though.
I'm back.........what did I miss?
Oh Em!? I'm disappointed! Saying that disgraces the name of all polyps everywhere. GW is far below that m' dear. How careless you are with your tongue...
Mmm *thinks to self "Em's tongue"*
also, I remember discussing prostate stimulation with you before. I'm not as adverse as some might think ;)
all your terd base are belong to us
*snicker*
SNORT! I love it! Poor polyps...
It's itchy in here I admit... You think if I brought a shower curtain with me I could simulate a condom?
Did she email you yet?
How bout now?
lemme look... Dont mind the hold musak:
*hold please while we process your request*
Hey every one!
What's going on in the Naughty Lounge?
Sometimes lately when they say that and I'm wearing my costume....
I hug myself. and then kinda rub my sides.
*standing on my head*
Whoo hooo looka me!
HI Madame!
HI!
It was the head stand right?
Yeah the not wearing panties thing gets them everytime!
Yes, 'head' stand!! Good stuff!
Today is an anal day here... or butt love, or whatever. I was wondering if I brought a shower curtain to the event if I could simulate a condom with it....
hmmmmm....Bubble wrap....ribbed for her pleasure
*snicker* stuck penis in ass....
oh, she said AND ass!!! My bad! I was just re-living that one time when she said that...
thnks sug.
*LMAO at bubble wrap*
How about I step outside in the rain and go for the 'lubricated' look.
Bring a hoola hoop for a cock ring!
Now there ya go!! Novel Idea!
I scare myself sometimes...Hey I got my big girl bra on and ya know what?
Boobs are fun!
I am so glad you will be representing us Starfucker. After looking at the comments I am hoping that you will be able to control yourself long enough to look professional.
Hang two giant silver christmas ornaments on either side of the head of that costume and it would look like mine.
where the hell is murph? was there a serial killer suspect arrest in Ohio that I'm not aware of?
btw, EN ... anyone call you a dickhead whilst you were in costume?
I'm just thinking of the bill you'd rack up for the KY warming lube ...
Madame - why wear any bra at all?!?!? I love boobies.
Horsn - *snicker* Dont get me started!
Shawn - Thanks assvomit, it would only look like yours if it was about 4 feet shorter.
I have made some good conspiracy theories on his disappearance on his comments section.
I still think Sally Struthers ate him.
heh. dickhed. heh.
I think he found the girl who made him cum from oral THAN had to join the priesthood on account of his promises to god!
"Dear god just this once and..."
THEN!!!!
Shitfuckdamn!
also, you need theme music for when you make your appearance.
suggestions:
"Stroke."
"Relax."
"(Cum on) Eileen." ... that lucky eileen!
"Balls to the Wall."
Heh
LMAO! shit you may be right! Did you see my ideas over there Madame?!?!
you really should check it out.
K, D... you're a funny mother fucker... I missed you.
Over at Smurph's? yeah...KJ and I are putting together the TOP TEN REASONS WHY MURPHY DISAPPEARED FROM BLOGGER care to help us?
We'd love your input!!!
*hallmark moment*
*sniff*
Uhhh.. you better check out the (his)comments section... I think I've already got a good start on ya.
BIG HUGGERS D!!!
You and Kristen do everything together huh?
Reasons Murph is missing:
• Women of Cleveland formed and angry mob and stormed his refinished basement.
• Stay tuned for the new season of America's top reality show ... "Survivor: Asshole Island."
First off EN I would like your permission if not your input!
Secondly MEOW!!
No I do not share everything my little pomergranite!!!
hehehehe
I like your Sally Struthers comment...she is large enough to have swallowed a 6 foot something man
Nobody does anything with me ... except banter ... *man sigh*
Maybe it was the MORMONS!!!!
They finally got to him and he's taken up polygamy!!
and it's pity banter, at that ... *tattooes "L" on forehead*
K first off... LMAO at Asshole Island!! Why didn't I think of that one!?!?!?!
You need to go stateside honey so we can frolic!!!
K whoa whoa Madame!! It was just a question!!!! All I was saying is that it's hard to see one without the other is all!!!
Permission? You do what you like hun... what in the world would you need my permission for?
I would never use anything from anybody else with out permission...it's just not right, that's all.
YOu do have a nice start though I have to admit...the Asshole Island was pretty damn good!
Horsn!
That's just impossible!!!
EN...I was wondering...does that assmaster cum in different sizes?
a line I had and then forgot but just remembered, re: the costume:
EN: I'm dressing up as male genitalia
Someone else: Are you nuts?!?!!
Call me clueless, still don't see what you need permission for... you mean to use what I've said over there!?!?!
Huh...oh yeah!
But no worries if you don't want to!
LOL @ Horsn & Sug
Yes Madame: Small, Medium, Large and Sheep. I just ordered the sheep size for Scumbag...
D - Okay, I laughed loud and hard on that!!!
long and hard?
OK so here's my idea!!!
PLANTERS!!!
Wouldn't it be cool to have a bunch of those lining your walkway?
Maybe with...ivy coming out of them?
if you smoke a joint in the costume ... does that make it dickweed?
Line your walk way with them but install lighting fixtures in them...give a HOLE new meaning to CAN LIGHTS!!!
***ROFLMAO*****
You said Planters, I thought peanuts... Hey, how bout I pay shawn to rent the Planters Peanut man and stand beside me, hug me, grope me...
I could say I'm 'used'
or that I got my nut.
nuttin', honey.
Here's the rewrite for your speech:
Foreskin, and seven inches ago, our foreskinfathers brought forth, incotinent, a new asshole; conceived in prostrate and dedicated to propositioning all women on a equal basis.
I wanted to do that but I couldn't rig the pump... it's rented and I didn't really want to buy it.
You know how it is, better to just 'own' it for a short time than to commit to it. Takes up too much room in my closet...
Yes! Mcfee's is awesome!
And I wouldn't be too surprised to see a cock waving at me there either ...
that's it D, you're writing the Syphillis speech. LOL!
You know how it is, better to just 'own' it for a short time than to commit to it. Takes up too much room in my closet...
That's my philoshophy on men!!!
lucky for you I'm cocksure
Thom!!! Hi there! yeah, I love McFee's for all that is phallic and disturbing...
Madame - I was soo going for that insinuation!! It's a good philosophy, no?
D - i think you just said cock. but im not sure.
oh ... and don't get erectile disfunction.
1. The size of Viagra pill you'd need would choke a horse.
2. The penis pump would require an air compressor and portable generator.
Yeah EN it is!!!
6 thinks so too!
Here let me ask him to make sure.
*walks over to closet door*
Oh I'm NOT supposed to keep him in the closet!!!
So I guess I should untie him too?
The DZER has left the building. Well, the computer.
*tips back a beezo*
here's to a healthy ejaculation!
Hi emma!!
*snort* Quick, somebody squeel like a pig!!!
Thanks Blither!!
See people!?!?! I'm not just slutty and obsene...
I'm educational as well.
Slutty, obscene and educational!
YOu are the perfect woman!!!
OK sexy ones, I am out for the night!!!
Kisses!
*shhhh it got very quiet in here*
Whatever you do... DON'T TALK!!!!
Can I talk?
Yes.
Emma, you are a great teacher. Gawd knows how much I've learned just popping in around here.
And, I didn't talk, I typed. Way different.
Just random observations and since I'm not in a position to get on msn I thought I'd ask you here.
First, your platform rocked and I love the way you split the categories in sequence order through anatomy direction.
Second, If you don't wear REALLY wear that costume, I will be upset.
Third, I have been informed that there will be lunch served from 1:45 - 2:45 and then the free symposiums and booths open at 3pm. I need you to 'man' the booth for an hour.
Fourth, I've been kinda wandering through blogger today and I just have a random and yet mind boggling question that maybe you can't answer due to the intelligence factor.
What's the fascination?
Snav - Thank you, I don't think people know how nice it is to hear that kind of stufff... or maybe they do and thats why they don't say it?
If you have anything in particular you think I could cover or put up on this blog (ideas) I welcome them...
Shawn - Thanks bud, for showing you're not always a sphincter.
Fascination?
Im flabbergasted. I only wish I had email right now.
By your question to my question you have no idea what Im talking about then?
Can you watch the booth?
Uhh. your question? No clue.
Yes, I'll watch the booth, watch out for my balls though.. might hurt if they get stepped on!
Nevermind Starfucker.
I answered my own question just by reading.
I won't step on your testes, and I will see you this afternoon for the 'dress rehearsal'!
I kill me sometimes.
Five minutes later, I get it...
Yes, most times I only hear from them on Thursdays. Makes you wonder.....
Yeah, makes sense... unfortunate though. You have great content on the other days of the week. Maybe you should not post on Thursdays altogether?
Aren't you leaving soon?
Is the dude holding like, a toothbrush full of KY in front of the hole there?
And wtf is the machine bottom right? An electric teabagging machine?
"And...dip the balls in like...so...and, there you have it."
Matt - I couldn't have picked a better thing to check right before I left for the rehearsal today dude... that was fucking hilarious.
I have no idea what the machine is actually, perhaps a frontal view of the model where you throw the 'Operation-type' pieces in?
God we've had some great comments here today.
Shawn - yes, Im on my way... now. Stop posting on Thursdays!?!? Are you crazy?!?!
okay, its a possibility actually. See you soon.
Where is the review you did on the iegg? Yes, I'm a perv.
I was going to email this to you, but ill post it here too.
http://bubblegummeltdown.blogspot.com/2005/11/hooray-product-review.html
Because I wanted to say, you're not a perv. If anything after I posted this I had a lot of questions as to where to purchase it.
Its a popular item. Especially in my house.
And I only barely consider myself perverted... :)
well well this is my first time and I have really enjoyed every bit of it, including your many pictures and funnys and rantings...thanks for entertaining me on a Staurday night
Thanks Emma!!
i'm beezobub tonight ...
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