uh, whoa. seriously on pins and needles

****UPDATE: See below****

This afternoon I got a desperate phone call from Jesse to meet her in IM for lunch today. The tone of her voice was strange... almost nervous. Frightened and curious I told her I would, and hung up with her quickly. Best not to start chatting away with Jesse in a professional environment. The more you know her, uhh. The more obvious that statement will become.

Anyway, I knew she had gone out to play last night, and I was anxious to hear about her evening of fun. But by the sound of it when she called, it was obvious that something was terribly terribly wrong.

I'm a good friend. So... I did what any good friend would do when a friend is not right.

Do any of you remember that movie "Life" with Martin Lawrence and Eddie Murphy? I love that movie btw. Do you remember the character 'cant get right' in that movie? He was the one that played baseball and got the wardens daughter pg? LOL. I still laugh to this day... cant get right... awesome.

Yea, well... Jesse was cant get right at the moment. ..I love using that term.

So the story goes on:
Chucking a couple of tasks so I could take lunch a little more convenient to my curiousity I get online to talk to her.
I could sit here and go on explaining to you what happened, but it seems the ol' cut and paste works well for us gals. And I don't think you as readers should have it any other way but in raw format.

raw. I love using that term too. Alright it's not a term, it's an adjective... but I don't give a fuck. The word says a lot in itself. There, that's my rant for the day too.

I just want to say before you read this... that, well. Put yourself in this position.. and let's hope that Jesse pulls through. lol. (call me jess god damnit.) Enjoy!

**********

E: Alright damn, here I am.

J: oh thank god. Im in a piss load of trouble.

E: obviously. and jesus jesse way to break in to my business here “holy shit, I have no idea who I woke up next to this morning!” Right, good plan.

J: Well dude it was totally frightening, I thought she was dead even! Like, she was just laying there like a lump. Covers pulled over her head, I saw blonde, but that was about it.

E: Did you ever find out who she was?

J: No she's still here, and Red and I are trying to figure it all out now.

E: I thought she was in California? How come she didn’t fucking contact me?

J: She is in CA, hold on a second, we’ll conference

}new room{

J: We all here?

E: Yep, let's make this quick though some of us gotta work for a living.

R: Hi lover

*edit*

E: So wait, getting back to Jess, are you saying that you have no idea who the blonde in your bed is?

J: No, and my sisters gonna freak when she finds out I brought a stranger home!

E: Well, alright. Did you nudge her to see if she was dead or not?

J: Yes, she’s not dead. She’s snoring.

E: Okay, so she’s still asleep then. Where did you go last night?

J: The Underground. It was a swingers party my brother was working so I figured why not go? I remember doing shots with a girl named Erin, after that it’s all a blur.

R: Only Jesse, you shouldn’t have gone to one of those parties anyway.
You’re not a swinger. Hell you’re not even married.

J: Right but I went with my brother

E: See, now that sentence right there is just plain wrong…. ‘went with my brother.’

R: Agreed.
R: That's like letting the dog eat you out and saying 'he was just licking the peanut butter I dropped!'

E: uhh. um. I need to pause on that and throw up.

E: Wait. There was a party at the Underground and you didn’t call me? Alright, it’s okay but I mean, well I’m a little insulted. So, do you think this Erin chick is in your bed?

R: Is she naked Jess?

J: Uhh I don’t remember. Wasn't cuddling or anything. I’ll brb.

E: K, Jesse’s flipped for sure. How totally stupid is it to not remember these things. You know, I try to look out for her while you’re gone but she’s such a free spirit that one.

R: I need to come home, and its obvious.

E: Yes, you do.

J: Oh my god you guys, it’s a guy! Holy shit I can’t believe I brought a guy home!!!

E: Uhh, stunned silence from this side of the room. Jesse, I thought you were a lesbian, men only as a side dish… blah blah blah.

R: You brought a guy home? Your sister will be so proud! So, is he naked?

J: I couldn’t move the sheet enough to see, I peeked and saw dick and that’s about it.

R: Hey Jesse, isn’t your brother blonde?

……

R: OH, good call Emma. Jesse, where’s your brother? Is he in his room?

J: I think Im gonna be sick.
J: I don’t know, but you’re right. From what I can see under the covers the guy looks kinda like my brother now that I think of it.

R: You can recognize your brother by his dick? Impressive.

E: Holy shit. Right now Im glad I don't have siblings.

R: Please just say no to incest Jesse, your brother’s hot and all… but that’s just well… I don’t think I have the words to describe how jealous I would be if you screwed your brother. I totally wanted to do that.

E: Umm alright you two, seriously… something is very wrong with this situation. Jess, go in and wake that fucker up. Find out who it is.

J: No

E: Yes, do it now.

J: I’ll go see if my brother is in his room brb

R: I just want to know if she slept with her brother or not

E: It’s apparent she might have. How can you be that fucked up to not remember climbing in bed with your own brother?!?!

R: I have no idea. Her poor poor liver.

J: OMG. HIS ROOM IS EMPTY.

R: Dude, Im sorry but… I think you fucked your brother.

E: No, say it isn’t so Jess… something’s wrong with you. Go in there and wake up whom ever is in your bed. Do it now.

E: Calmly, collectively.. go in and wake him or her or whoever the hell you brought home with you last night up so we can end the drama and I can get back to work.

J: I’m sick, and I’m crying really. This is wrong.
J: Alright, I’ll go in and see.

*time elapses 5 minutes*

E: Hey, she’s not back yet?

R: Nope. And Im beginning to wonder what the fuck…. Do you think she fucked her brother?

E: Well, if she did… I mean, what do you say to console somebody who just slept with their sibling? I mean, that is errr… that is if you didn’t mean to? Is there a specific way to do it? Condolences?

R: Sympathy maybe? We could send her a card…. Or a free counseling session. How long has it been?

E: About 10 minutes now. Maybe it wasn’t her brother and she’s getting some more? I don’t know hun, but I’m swamped… I gotta go. Let me know what happens.

R: Alright I should go find something to do to keep my mind occupied for now.

E: Why are you upset about Jesses situation?

R: Absolutely not.
R: Im upset that she fucked her brother before I did.

E: Hmm.
E: What if she’s passed out and vomiting or something. How would you react if you found out you just slept with your brother? And to make it worse, you’re a lesbian that slept with your brother?

R: I just don’t know. I would give myself to God or something….

E: Well now see honey.. God wouldn't have you after something like that.

R: Obviously you're not catholic Emma.

E: Noted, tt you later. Let me know if you hear from her.

R: Right, you too.


Jesse, we haven't heard from you yet. Was it your brother... or not?

UPDATE: First I want to say DO NOT call Jesse before at least 10am, it's frightening.

Second, I told her I posted her conundrum on the blog and you all were barfing about it. She said she'd get up and post the final conclusion to this situation.

No, I didn't even get a straight answer outta her.... so, uhh yeah.