"Key"

I got my ass stomped for pulling this peice. So fuck it.
I have made corrections... hopefully it is a bit more PC. *shrug*

I was glad to see that many of you read and identified with the D/s topic I touched on. I originally wrote that for those who have asked for clarification on exactly what constitutes these popular sexual roles; domination and submission.

Many times I have fielded questions on whether a specific practice or activity falls under either guideline. Perhaps this is why I posted yesterdays article, because after receiving some feedback and a potential Q & A some time ago on what submission really is; I felt compelled to share that these roles can be utilized in many different ways and appeals.
Also, I think it served to make you all think a bit on how you prefer sexual or relationship positions.
As a side note: having knowledge about these roles and how they pertain in social circumstances other than sex is great for dating.

However, I found that it prompted one or two questions for clarification on what exactly necessitates submission and domination and whether the sub can be the dom.

Can the Sub be the Dom? Clearly, the answer is no.

One question was isn't the sub actually the dominant one? And if they say when to stop then isn't the sub clearly the dom in that circumstance? Alright let's expound that...

You're in bed with your partner, the experience is fast and furious. You've assumed the dominant role by leading her to a position of passion at the hand of your direction. Hence, you come to a point where you can access her more easily for oral or penetration; and thus she's given in to you... Provided a willing and easy path for play and climax. Is she sub? YES.

But then, amidst your kisses and strokes... She says no. Is she still sub? DEPENDS.

A) She would be if you proceeded anyway, and then we'd have the legality of rape to contend with if she persisted that you stop.

B) If she says No... And you stop? Well that would make her dominant. She just controlled you to stop and you submitted by stopping.

(Also a good point via Horsn who wrote "I would amend item B because I think the answer would depend on why you stopped. I believe the person in the dominate position can retain that position even when acquiescing to a subs request.

B) 1) You stop because of fear. Therefore, she's switched because she is controlling you.

B) 2) You stop because you are aware of her feelings and you want to give her a pleasurable experience. (I believe this is where the concept of a safe word comes into play.)"



There are many accounts when a role can certainly be flipped. Either in a public forum via conversation and interaction or in the bedroom being naughty. These can get a bit tricky, so I'm going with 'pure' examples. Here are some:

-- You're in the missionary position, and have initiated foreplay--- up to this point you are clearly the dominant party. She is respondent and willing, but then wants to switch up positions and ride you.

A) You let her happily as you lay back and let her work... Alright, that's a role flip; it would make her dom, you sub.

B) You say sure... Put her up there and as she fucks you, you then commence with controlling her enjoyment by pinching, rubbing, and escalation. That would make you dom.

B2) She's on top of you BUT you're gripping her and fucking her anyway as she just sits on top looking pretty... She's still sub, you're dom.

Is this making sense yet?

It's your third date.. She's been flirting with you and giving you her bedroom eyes all night and you really want to sleep with her. Your charm is exceptional and you're feeling motivated to just take her home since this feeling has amplified all evening. You initiate the journey and get her back to your place... Are you Dom in this situation? Or sub?

Did you want to sleep with her before the date? Prolly. But as much as you do now? Even though you commanded the conversation, paid the tab, and drove her home?

News flash, She's the Dom. No matter how much work you put in to making the evening appropriate, she most likely dissuaded you and lead you to believe she in fact wanted you to take her home... She allowed you to charm her... She initiated and amplified the chemistry... Yeah she totally controlled that situation.

K, One last one for you:
Bondage it is and you and your love are preparing for an evening of straps. Things are going along well and it's time to adhere the restraints. You lay down and tell your partner that you want them to tie you up.... They do. You tell your partner you want them to spank you... They do. You tell your partner to please you... They do... While you're strapped tight to the bed.

Are you the dominant participator of that scenario? Yes. Because you controlled the situation by commanding your quasi-submissive (now dominant) partner to do these things for you.

So I take it we're all a-breast on the ways and means of our social roles then? GOOD. I would love to move onto something completely different. Though I felt getting the above clarification set in stone would be important for the topics I am willing to present to blogger forum, I would be happy to field any other questions on this topic via email if you like.

Ultimately, a good understanding of the D/s will assist in the open-mindedness of the next topic. The first love child of the D/s consummation:

Bondage and Discipline

Before we do go further I also need to introduce you to a very important piece of this chapter of sexuality--- The safe word.

The term 'safe word' was mentioned by the same person that prompted some of the above clarification; which only leads me to think he is aware of the term. I believe a good portion of my readers are, but then the other portion has no clue what a safe word is and how it applies "universally".

It's one thing to read about BDSM, It's another to watch it.
It's completely different to experience it.

There is no way you can possibly fully understand it and accept it until you've been privy to it. It's ups, downs, constraints, pain, degradation... Fright. Yeah, I said fright... Ever been in a vac-bed? That's fucking scary as hell... But can also provide one hell of an orgasm when used correctly.

People that know BDSM from experience, know what their safe word is since it's normally spoken of first thing when preparing to enjoy BDSM with a partner, FIRST thing. And since it's a first thing kinda thing... We should talk about it- first before all else.

A safe word is the very thin line between life and death... Pleasure and enjoyment... Emptiness and fulfillment. When engaging in any Bondage or S & M activity you need to have your safe word ready because you'll need it when you feel things have gone far enough.

By using your safe word you enable the current activity to stop before it gets out of hand, or if you're not enjoying it. One utter of the safe word and all bets are off... It's time to stop and readjust.... Or sometimes... Just breathe without constraint.

Of course there is the unique circumstance where you cannot use your safe word (ball gag, spiked hood, gag... Etc.) in that case, experienced BDSMers use hand gestures... Such as having their fingers crossed. *ahem*

If you begin to feel horrified being wrapped tightly in bondage tape with tape on your eyes and a finger pummeling your clitoris? It's time to use your safe word.

If you're being spanked to the point of blistering and you want them to stop because you no longer benefit from the pleasure? It's time to use your safe word.

When selecting a safe word it's important to not use something like "Stop" or "No", "Don't" or "Finish"; because you'll be saying that anyway if you're practicing BDSM correctly. I've heard some as unique as "croissant" or "kindle"... Or common as "Spot" or "Glass".

Would be best before the next post to decide what your safe word is... You'll need it. OH, silly me.. What's my safe word you ask? Well that's easy... It's...