Bummed in Baghdad

Let's give it up for our soldiers overseas people... Holla!

How can you not love em?
I for one, support my troops even if I don't believe in the reason for the fight. I only wish I could hear more from you dusty american gun toting cami wearing hotties. Whassup with that?

You boys need to give me a shout out some time, perhaps I can remind you what's waiting for you back home... you know, civic duty and all.

For the rest of you that have your feet planted firmly on american soil (or Canada, or Guam or whatever). I insist that you add in or comment to this since my expertise can only go so far. Besides, you guys and gals did a kick ass job last time... seriously impressed with all of you.

Hi Em.

I am currently deployed in Baghdad, Iraq with only a couple months left of my tour. My wife and I went eight months before we were together again this year (yes, eight painful sex free months!) Thanks to digital-this and digital-that we were able to share intimate moments with each other, but the amount has been heavily swayed to my side. There's been two seperate occaissons that she's sent me a few pics of her nude, but I yern for more.

She's come a long way from when we first met in terms of sex and being naked around me...she had a horrible childhood/adolescence. Plus, she was pregnant the entire time I was gone prior to going on R&R. So, I understand how she wouldn't feel quite compeled to get naked and take photos of her self.

My plot is to get her to write a fantasy to me, send pics or even a video to me. What I am wondering is if you have any ideas of how to break this lingering contempt and inhibitions even though we are so far apart.

Thanks so much,
Your Soldier in Baghdad


Dear Soldier in Baghdad,

First let me say that you're fighting the good fight, and I am honored to be able to assist you oh-gun-packing-camo-wearing-brave one. I mulled over your question for quite some time; you had written that your wife had a horrible childhood, so I chose to tread delicately in my response to you. Since I don't know the motivator behind why her childhood was as bad as it was, and the fact you've taken great strides to uproot a long festering issue with her; I am taking this question sincerely and sensitively to not only your needs, but hers as well.

I want to ask questions, but I can't. So I'll assume you tell her you love her, she's sexy, and you're going no where but home to her arms when your tour is done.

Here's something to re-assure you:
Too many times us women tend to think that there's no spark... we're unattractive (even to committed partners). Not often enough do we hear that's not the case, which causes the assumption that you'll stray. Sometimes even if we know you won't stray, there's potential that you'll bore of us eventually or think of us in ways other than sensual lovers.

What can we do... we worry.

And help you cope a bit:
I think that ulitmately the reason your wife does not sway as heavily into the digi-this, digi-that could be a low self esteem issue. She probably thinks she looks (or is coming across) terribly unattractive over the net. Further, she may have taken a pic or two... looked them over, and decided that if she didn't like the way the photo looked, that you wouldn't either.

You need to tell her that you find her absolutely more attractive than the mags and pics floating around your barracks. You need to tell her that you want to enjoy looking at her, not your buddies centerfold. That's honesty.
Low self-esteem or a bruised self-confidence can hamper sexuality in this way. And I believe that an esteem over-load in the positive direction is essential for her from you.

The fact that she just had your child and the responsibility/ discomfort she is feeling can be terribly unsexy to her. She doesn't understand that you still see her pre-birth/pregnancy... and she struggles to get used to her new body, her new life, the stress and hardwork that she endures, while still constantly worried and waiting for you to come home... AND missing you (jeesh).
All of these factors could be why she isn't as anxious to participate. It sounds as if you understand these concepts and assumptions so I won't go further.

And my advice to you:

I'm assuming you haven't openly expressed the way you felt about this issue. If you haven't, try it and be sincere. Again, remind her that you really do want to enjoy her from afar.

So, how do you get her to play... is really the Q here. Well, start with the esteem. Seriously.

1. Explain to her first how much you miss her and tell her why. Even if its as simple as you missing spooning with her in bed, the touch of her lips to yours... the feel of her pubic hair through your fingers... her smile during climax.

2. After you feel she is accepting of the lingual prizes, move on to more intimate ego-boosting. Tell her you liked the way she used to __________. Of course, the more sexual the compliment or absense you dictate the better... you want to make her feel like you need some eroticism, or atleast to share the memory of an erotic moment together. Find something that you know she can relate to as well... If it's that she loved a particular foreplay tell her you miss that (even if you didn't).

The goal here is to negate her memory into re-living the moments, and wanting to talk about them or express them. If she feels embarrassed about it, tell her not to... she's still the same sexy woman you married, decided to settle down with, and accept no matter what.

4. and use "accept no matter what" bingo statement. Chicks love it will add bonus points to the self esteem factor for her.

5. I think that your priority should be the fantasy... definetly that should be your first step. Only because it sounds as if still shots are gonna be tough to start with, and video may still be too much (but eventually do-able). Here's what you do...

Write your own fantasy, perhaps short enough that she doesn't feel overwhelmed and send it to her... tell her that you dream about this constantly and can't shake it. Then, ask her to critique it. OR better yet, only write half and ask her to finish it.

Explain to her that it would mean so much to you to have her assistance in writing this erotic love fantasy and hopefully you two can act it out when you get home!!! K, that's hot. If a guy did that for me... I'd digi-this AND digi-that.

6. If she participates willingly in the story, ask her to add a photo to it. She may bite.
If she bites on both, your webcam isn't too far away....

And in the end, if these suggestions don't work all I can say is; only two more months, only two more months... there's no place like home... there's no place like home. I've been in your position, you know that. It's understandable how you could be frustrated... and a bit lonely. But, chin up and know that I am pulling for you... or I could if you wanted.

So, as a sum up: long-distance intimate self esteem boosting, memory sparking toward naughty or sexual moments you've shared, and prompt the story yourself... if you insist that it's important to you... she'll do it. Because she loves you and you love her.

Good luck and let me know how it turns out... sir, please sir.

EN

Ps- I'm still looking for the beretta... ;)