True dis, True dat. Seriously.

You know, I write and experience a lot of strange shit. No doubt. It amazes me every day how different people can be... If I wasn't so doped off this illness I would totally expound on that fact. But. Sometimes I still find shock in oddities.



Sometimes I'm hit with weird assignments that force me to delve into the dark closets of people much stranger than I, often it seems I understand their motivation for the things we abhor. However I am permitted to be a little taken aback by those who enjoy penetrating and/or enhancing their genitalia with objects that do not belong there.

I have always stuck to the rule that if it's not the real thing, or made specifically for your orgasmic pleasure, do not use it. Whether it's food, everyday house hold items, or even furniture... Think twice before you decide to put it down there people. I can't stress this enough.

To some of you this warning may seem like a no-brainer. But to others who have and/or will do the above I plead with you to spend the $29.99 on a decent vibrator or dong that could do the same (if not better) job than that polish sausage you're eyeing.

Sure, sexual food is permittable... I'm fully aware that there are some kinds of food play in the bedroom that is extremely safe, and should you like to talk about it I will oblige.
But not today, because I'm planning a funeral for an acquaintance who tipped her own scales and died last night from toxic shock syndrome at the hand of a Wine bottle.

It's funny how in society we push the need for safe sex practices and we educate our youth on abstinence and control. It's important, sure... Because we need to fight everyday to re-apply the same message to a new generation in hopes we won't relapse into another STD epidemic.

Fact is, more teenagers and young adults were treated for miscellaneous object penetration and toxic shock syndrome than STD's in the last two years. In 2005 326,384 men and women died from a bizarre sexual practice that was self induced...
You don't hear about these stories on the news, in fact you rarely hear anything related to this anywhere... But I do. So please let this be a warning to ya...

And as a parent, when speaking to your children or teens about sex, please be sure to add what should and shouldn't be used for personal gratification! I know it seems bizarre to structure masturbatory practices with your kids, but it could save their life. So shuck the embarrassment and just put it out there, because 174,656 of those 326,384 people I mentioned above.... Were people under 19.