Oops. Should have never written the digits.

I know I posted the archive dive. But a conversation earlier dictated I had to post this.... BIG WHOOPSIE!!! Please learn from my mistakes people...k?
Below is why you should always ALWAYS know who is between your legs before they get between your legs. And just because the chick is fucking gorgeous and all over you asking for a second 'date' do NOT give out your contact information on a whim. Thanks!

"What the hell is the matter with you?"

"Good morning to you too fucker."

"I got your article. Anything you want to tell me?"

"No, but I hear that you called me a diamond. Did you call me a diamond?"

"Em, I always call you a diamond. But specifically I said you sparkle like a 10k diamond"

*giggle* "Fucker I'm not a diamond, but thanks."

"On the contrary... when you step under the sun just right... you are brilliant. So, are you going to spit it? Or do I have to drive it out of you."

"Drive what?"

"What's on your mind?!? Spill!!!"

"Weellll, I'm tired and horny and distracted about being horny."

"So you need sex and sleep. Go home and get it."

"No no asshole, I got mine last night.... kinda."

"Kinda?"

"Yeah, vibrator... worked fine for me."

"So you came?"

"Yeah. at least seven times... so I should be good until lunch."

"Seven times... jesus Emma I wish I could make a girl cum seven times."

"Wrap yourself in silicone and vibrate variably next time you get a date to your room."

"Fuck you."

"Well, I'm just saying!"

"I have to ask you a question and I need an honest answer from you. Right now."

"K"

"There seems to be some commotion regarding a gentleman in the congress that just happened to have your contact information in his PDA. Before this breaks news, I need to know how you know this guy.... His name is *insert important dude's name here*"

"Oh yeah. *Giggle* I know him."

"Apparently. Did you sleep with him Em? Inquiring minds want to know."

-- silence on the line---

"Umm."

"WELL?!? Did you?!?!"

"No no no Shawn no.... I slept with his wife."

"You slept with *Important dude's name* wife? Are you shitting me? When was that?"

"Yeah, pretty sure it was her. Yeah, it was her, myself, and Red... Valentine's Day... she had on the red panties with the lace. Was nice... she was new at it... We had to show her --"

"You want to tell me how the fuck I'm supposed to pivot the commotion? I mean, this is bigger than the both of us... and certainly bigger than this puny alternative rag.... I don't think the Times has gotten a hold of it per se, but *insert staff member's name here* got the information from a house rep and wants to do the story."

"What the hell is a house rep doing with *important dude's name* PDA? And hey, it's not like I'm a fucking Heidi Fleiss here Shawn... she wanted it, we gave it to her... has nothing to do with him. Just tell *staff member's name* that I'm an acquaintance of his wife and that there's nothing there.... because there isn't! Dude is into binky's and diaper changes anyway. I don't do the 'baby fetish'... scares me."

*sigh*

"What Shawn, what?"

"Alright, I'll tell him it's a Pampered Chef thing... but you need to not contact *important dude*."

"Have faith fucker, I'm not about screwing political figures... too messy."

"Oh, but the spouses are fair game."

"She was hot, and it was an orgy.... what do you want from me Shawn? I gave you my answer honestly and now we're done worrying about this. Seriously honey don't dwell... I'm not."

"You're right. Maybe I can tweak the diapers and binky angle and make it an editorial kink-politician article. Corruption of the weird kind on the house floor and all. You have to know that you're not the only one on the PDA list Em, there were other women too... Some of them well known and you all had stars next to you, like a rating scale."

"Now you're thinking like an editor! Wait... I was in a list with well known women on *important dudes* PDA... with STARS!!?!! AWESOME!! Jesus what was my star scale? I have to know!!!"

"Alright shit, hold on I'll check"

*hold muzak*

"Soo.. what are you doing later?"

"What's my star scale fucker? You better tell me... did it suck?"

"You know what Em, I swear I'm going to have to find a way to just sleep with you. I am. Just to have this 'enlightening experience' for myself."

"What was it fucker... Just fucking tell me."

"five... ..out of five."

"No shit huh? Wow... That fucking ROCKS!! I'm a fucking celebrity!!! Wanna meet later and smoke some cigars? Talk about shit... not sleep together?"

"You have issues. You have to know this."

"Yeah, but I came seven times, I'm a five out of five on *important dude's* PDA and you called me a diamond so I got that going for me."

"Christ. Yeah meet me at *the bar* and we'll hunker down on this a bit more. I'll go play fail-safe. But if I try to fuck you don't be pissed."

"You won't fuck me Shawn. You're homosexual"

"No, just limp wristed."

"Are you going to try and sleep with my husband while I'm gone fucker?"

"Fuck you Emma. I might just to piss you off."

"Wow. record that, would be hot. Then we can put you in his PDA with a star rating."

"My rating would be off the charts. Okay, I gotta fly. Talk to you later slut."

"Coo... cya fuck stik"

"Yeah, see ya Starfucker."