Responsibilities suck big ass holes...
Monday, Monday.
Don't you just Loooooove Mondays?!!?!
Shit, I do.
I'm sitting here looking at my blank blog screen right now knowing that I got nothin'.
Why do I have nothing? Because I suck.
Well that and I'm anxious to hear about my Spring portfolio... and whether I'll have a new 'position' for one of the rags I write for. Yeah, I've been secretly working on upping myself into an advocate position for this company. It will require a little bit more time investment so I'm left to ponder whether writing could be a career for me instead of a second job.
I'm pulling for this, and hoping I can readjust my schedule a bit to accomodate not only the stuff I am doing, but the stuff I'm pushing myself for. Thankfully I can put away some of the article work if I get this advocacy, so maybe not sooo much work but more like different work.
errr.
I should know by next week... and will be glad to do it happily... as well as juggle my 7-5 day job, as well as family, as well as my article piece work, as well as my book deal, as well as my health issues, JESUS CHRIST!!!
I need a personal assitant, any takers?
Send your resume's or tell me why you think you're qualified... I can't pay you in money, but we could work something out I'm sure.
posted by Everything Nice at 8:54 PM
96 Comments:
A personal assistant would be the first one to comment on your wonderful posts. I think I'm qualified. We can negotiate the "payment" later...
You had me until the "no payment" thing....I guess me and the kids would just have to move in with your family...
Buahahahahahahaha!
I wouldn't wish that upon anyone!
I want the job because I have this desire to be around you.
i'll be your sexratary....i mean if anything law school has taught me to be dilligent and hard working...
so...do my DD's get me the position or wha?
scumbag's kwallufuckashuns:
-i rule
-i was a do-able blogger
-i'm good at stuff
-look at my sweet profile pic
-voted "most likely to take a life" in my high school graduating class
-ha! buttah said "sexratary"
-just because
Osbasso - So you're banking on 'the early bird gets the worm eh?" Hmmm. I could consider that.
Madame - LOL! Sweetheart, I see no problem with you cuming on board even with your family! We could have secret off site meetings and such.
Kristen that was nicely stated and noted... but really don't you just want to be between my legs?
(this is where you say yes)
Holy fuck! JAY's a taker! No, a giver, no a... a... fuckit give-in and take me.
Buttah - Whoa. Damn I would almost say overqualified but.. hmmm. K, you're definitely on top of my resume stack! HA STACK!
Scum - Can I use you as a body guard instead? Seriously, Im thinking I may need somebody that can 'whack' confidently.
Murph - Overqualified? hmmmm. I'm not touching that. Furthermore, if you're not intrigued we're not discussing advocation.
Now, drop the pants and lessee if you got what it takes fucker.
I should get the position over Murphy. I mean, he doesn't stand a chance.
That's the competitive spirit honey!!! Whoo hooo!
You got references?
If you show me yours I'll show you mine :)
fuck it, sure.
RIGHT ON! Lift your dress scumbag.
Kind of a 'get up and go' week, eh Emma?
Of course I have references....
I don't think that once Emma "has" me, she'll be lending me out to you.......just a thought
g'morning.
Morning Thom
Helskel, yeah... it's hard tho... I just HATE mondays! How are you?
Murphy - I share well, but only if you play nice... fucker.
Kristen - Awesome arguement! Good job honey, you're workin' for it! I love it!
Blondie - umm NO BRAINER! I consider you more of a business partner though, so maybe you should have some say in this...
Thom - mornin!
It's a loaded week for sure!
I think I'm quitting smoking...
good luck everyone!
It's a loaded week for sure!
I think I'm quitting smoking...
good luck everyone!
Emma, your blog is looking strange. Did you intentionally delete a bunch of stuff?
xx
Helskel - So nice ya said it twice honey. I should quit too... jesus, thanks for reminding me :)
Good luck sweet thing.
Murphy - When DON'T you play nice? Should I list those here? Or just take a picture of the list I scrawled in the ladies restroom?
Sug - mmmmmmm, Milano cookies! Well, look at the brightside... you can get your cookies now that you're awake!
Shy - strange? how so? I didn't delete anything... I don't think!
Okay now it's working. The whole page wasn't loading earlier, nor RH column or archives. Maybe a Blogger problem. See, you need a PA who will watch for these things and cater to other needs.
"I'm your huckleberry."
Apparently I'm a blueberry.
you're a little bit gay too.
I'm a lot gay Scum.
And if Murphy's a little bit country, I wanna be a little bit rock and roll.
Hell, let's put on our matching scarves and use lots and lots of hairspray.
What up, blog fuckers? I got this assistant thing down...
1. Coffee, strong, black, no cream or sugar.
2. Morning pounding...Done...
3. Review of schedule. (note to self, schedule additional smack and tickle session.)
4. Proofread manuscripts. Got my red pen.
5. Mid-Morning throwdown.
6. Schedule lunch...Someplace that is quiet and usually NOT in the middle of downtown.
7. Afternoon delight.
8. Snack break.
9. DICK-tation
10. Order Chinese takeout for dinner.
11. Have strong after work drink waiting in the backseat for car ride home.
12. Sex on the way home.
13. Dinner.
14. Blogpost review
15. American Idol
16. Early evening shagging.
17. Porn surfing
18. Late evening scroggin till we pass out.
So, what do you think? Do I have a shot?
I have bigger boobs than the Goose.
Thank God!
NO SHIT!
Coffee - cream and sugar goose, cream and sugar... lots of cream.
Okay, Okay...I got the cream right here. Relax.
Mongoose - WHOOOSH you definitely have a shot!! I think I'm outta here... I can only fly space shuttles. See ya all later.
yeah shy - mongoose has got me beat too.
What up, Thom? How are things on the Westside? I think I am finally getting over that scum fever.
What about me and Pearl?
K Goose, I like your schedule, but I'm a little worried about your ability to accomplish this shit every single day until retirement...
Not sure you could keep up with the pace.
Funny how the men are stepping back and down as the women stay competitive...
somebody remind me why men get paid more?
Look, not only can I keep this up every day, but I am like a fine wine that just gets better with age. Not to mention I am a college professor, an attorney, a fellow writer...Oh, and a completely hyper active....One more thing...I have a great Southern accent.
GAWLEE!
Oh hell, now we're using the Southern Charm angle?
Gee, whiz! You ladies sure are purty...
I dont think the ladies should feel left out... I think Mongoose is proposing a challenge here.
You think you gals could take him on mud-wrestling?
That would be a great way to decide... I mean, sure the guy can plan an agenda... but can he mud wrestle?
No he can't. I know for a fact.
HA! And you know Kristen, he can't REALLY use the southern angle since both yourself and pearl both have
KICK ASS accents too. And you have boobs... I respect that.
shit, i can't even thumb wrestle ...
Bring it KJ...I ain't skeered. I'll whoop you and that Pearl...And, if I don't, I'll enjoy myself in the process. How about chocolate pudding wrestling?
Im not kidding ladies... and this shit better be recorded too.
Or I'll be pissed!
I wanna see some SKILLZ!!
Thom - wtf! you can thumb wrestle!!!
You just want to see me get my ass kicked!
Puddin' Wrestlin' it is.......
Bouncing Boobs, I can do that
Kickin' the Goose's ass.....done
Licking Pearl........check
Ok, so what's next?
How did a job application turn into this? You women freakin amaze me.
We can turn anything to sexual pleasure if we want. It's a talent
Oh, no! I love it...Don't get me wrong.
This is awesome, I'm taping as we speak!
Well, that is just freakin great!
blueberry pancake batter!
hmmm, no something without raw egg... how about...
hmmmm...
caramel.
split pea soup
WTF is wrong with Puddin? Just cause Murphy doesn't like it?
Call him Puddin' Pop....he likes that.
He doesn't have to watch. I could do ice cream or whip cream?
spaghetti ?
Cup Cake Frosting!!!!!!
i'm just thinking outside of the box ... that's all
How about Nutella?
tofu ?
I'm thinking we just make a huge batch of Daquiri's and use that.
OOH Nutella is good... and then we'll have daquiri's during halftime.
While we watch 'slick taint' do his Chef Boy RDee dance.
k, im sorry... i just fucking laughed out loud.
Shit, reading it back... I did it again.
*sigh*
really, somebody say something so I don't do it again when I hit refresh.
Hi Thom. How's the tofu?
Slick Taint dancing!!! Oh my god, that's hilarious. I laughed out loud too!!!
girls wrestling in cheetos ... now there is a thought
LMAO So.. Cheetos leaves that film Thom, not sure I could be orange for three days afterwards.
Kristen - I'm telling you, would be a sight to behold.
I'll hold the camera for that one.
Cheeto's would turn things orange that I don't think should be orange.
Cotton Candy?
i thought the cheeto dust would've been a nice touch ... guess not.
how about a giant fruit roll up?
COTTON CANDY ROCKS!!!
Thom how the fuck do you wrestle in a giant fruit roll up?
I mean, we could pad the floor with that fruit leather...
or, your wrestling suits would be made out of fruit rollups ?
Cotton Candy, that's my favorite so far.
Fruit Roll up would be like one huge condom
You know I was getting all kinds of wet over Nutella Wrestling but then WTF Slick Taint?!?!
ok ok ok , i'm done giving ideas since they all keep getting shot down .. sheesh, tough crowd today.
Im proud of that nick name personally. I think all the men need porn nicknames.
I really do.
Some men just need a list of suggested porn to rent/buy.
WRTHPISU 67PYDUB AHT.REJH E57BQAPG 115P958BHG
racism is awesome!!!
*singing*
"Nutella, nutella
All I hear is nutella, from the moment I get up
till shades of night are falling
There isn't any letup, I hear them calling, calling
"Go up and do the attic and go down and do the cellar, you can do them
both together
Nutella."
How lovely it would be
if I could live in my fantasy
But in the middle of my dreaming
they're screaming
at me
Nutella"
wow murph you really are irish as fuck
nutella is the fastest way to a woman's heart i know...
also em i'd love to help with the assistant thing but i can't even keep up with your comments!
No, too many bad ER visits due to banana impalement... I think that's not a good idea...
WTF you pervs! Not me!!! It was my produce article!!!
Strawberries I could do though.
who wants to hear a good racial joke?
do we have any purto ricans in the house?
*puerto ricans
Nutella is the bomb. I heart you sass... Don't listen to the irish man... he's still fucked up about me calling him 'slick taint'.
I would have you as my personal trainer and pilates guru. :)
Jesus Scum just say it!
why don't puerto ricans write checks?
uhhhh
cuz it's impossible to make a signature that smell with spray paint!
*sigh* fine........
Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers:
# 10 - Have to sit upright while driving.
# 9 - Pistol won't stay under front seat.
# 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music.
# 7 - Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the
same time.
# 6 - They keep trying to carjack Dale JR.
# 5 - Police cars on track interfere with race.
# 4 - No passenger seat for the Ho.
# 3 - No Cadillac's approved for competition.
# 2 - Can't wear helmet sideways.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR...
# 1 - When they crash their cars, they bail out and run.
You know Scum, actually they do make checks for spray paint... it's those big motherfuckers they use for the lottery and publishers clearing house...
but I still love you.
ROFLMAO! That was so inappropriate but funny as hell!
*whispers seductively in emma's ear*
comment killer
Great I just got back from the chiropractor and threw my back out again laughing at "Slick Taint"
Spread that sucker with nutella!
uh murph nutella is italian... i'm only saying it figures an irish guy has never heard of it :)
Emma~ Missing you during the days now...and the rest of your insane, sexually deviant, funny as hell followers too!
I hope you get the job girl, you know you deserve it !
*Kisses and licks!
P.S. Murph is right, I am Italian and refuse to eat Nutella! I think it sucks ass....
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