Cinco de FFF

Happy Triple FFF and a hearty handshake to the end of this week! Hooray!
For most of you it's been a difficult 5 days, teetering on insane... So you especially deserve a large Dos Equis and Lime for your mental stability and over-all health.

Cheers to peeking down the pants of life and saying "WTF is THAT?!?!"

I think, I will expect the 9:44 phone call this evening reminding me of the moments just prior to my first breath of life... Mom does it every year, closely followed by my dad jumping on the phone and doing a somewhat horrible redition of "Happy Birthday" by The Beatles. Honestly sounds like cheech marin with his leg caught in a bear trap. Poor dad.

Scumbag made a comment about me 'shutting this down' for awhile, the blog...etc. Not so, just need to start varying my work and stepping away some days to get shit done and deadlines met. This does not mean I don't miss you and like to look in on wtf you're doing, it means I simply need to work. And research, and get my reviews finished.

Plus I have that damn speech coming up and I'm still looking for a good opener!!! Anybody that can give me a creative lead in on it let me know... The subject is Maintaining Healthy Ejaculation, I welcome any one liners or tasteful transitions you could throw at me...heh.

ejaculation .. tasteful.. heh. throw it at me... again, heh.

****
The other night I had the opportunity to do my lovely research for the M/M short story erotica I'll be working on next week. If you had read the history behind this you'd know that I was offered to sit in on a mono-e-mono love making fest between a man, and a man. So yeah, got that crossed off my list *fanning face with list*

Frankly, I mean, it was a very intimate situation and well, actually it was downright sexy as fuck. I mean duh, I'd seen man on man action before, and it never ceases to captivate me... not sure what it is, but.. I'd only previously observed from a distance, in a crowd of other welcome distractions, or on my 36" at home.

Imagine for a moment your very own private sex show, and lucky for me these men were rather decent if not pretty. I sat and tried to keep my fingers busy as I watched them, texting "T" like a madwoman... They didn't seem to mind though, so what the fuck?!!?!

I research, I give my homeslice the play-by-play... It was tightness...

And then they started moaning and saying shit about how good it felt and looking at me and well, smiling.. and wtf guys jesus just stroke each other dammit don't tempt me to want to be part of this by making eye contact!!!

*blank stare, slight chin droppage as I work the qwerty board on the phone fumbling*

I got the urge to touch them as they moved together.... I just wanted to touch them!!! My fingers got all itchy and needy and there was no amount of note taking or texting to snuff those urges dammit.

So quickly I would text to T "jesus this is hot i just wanna touch one"...

after some banter back and forth I believe it ended with her saying something to the effect of "Did u touch?! Ha, Im guessing if u did u wont text back!"

i didn't text back, no. Not until about 30 or so minutes later *snerk*

*Sigh* I HEART research.

***
Putting an end to this week, and a good cap to my birthday I get to attend a huge party of epic proportions in my favor tonight. I will have a red head on my arm and a song in my step... and hell yeah the husbands going and I'm all about the sharing!

SO without further adieu, I leave you with a couple good laughs... The author of this contribution will remain anonymous, but I couldn't help but put this on here and well, you get mad props woman for speaking your mind like a champion!

I read about kegel muscles all the freakin' time in women's magazines: how much guys love it when you can grip their penises like a vise with your va-j-j, how much harder you come when you flex your lady love muscles, etc. Kegel muscles are supposedly sooooo great.

But mine are deadbeats. Seriously - maybe I have a lazy vag. Maybe my kegels like to take it easy and enjoy the ride rather than make any effort during sex.

Other ladies' kegels are like jazzercize instructors, flexing and jumping and pointing and coming. Mine are two potheads watching porn: uninvolved, lazy, happy, stupid.

I (half-heartedly) tried to do the kegel exercises, which consists of just flexing them over and over. My kegels are so fucking lazy that I can't even be sure if I'm flexing the right thing in my pussy - something is moving, but I don't know what it is. It might be my cervix. Can cervixes move?

So fuck those exercises. I realized I don't give a shit whether or not I can hold a dude in my v so tight that it's hard for him to remove himself. What is this, a genital tug-of-war?

So I've decided that if my pussy isn't enough on its own, sucks to be me. I'm not going to sit at my desk flexing my pee-muscles, and I'm not going to feel worthless if ex-boyfriends tell me how amazing their new girlfriends are with tightening up their pussies.

I've had it, kegel muscles. You stay all lazy and useless on your stained, cat-hair love seat, watching your Jenna Jameson and contributing nothing to the activity in my vagina.

bastards.