Grr Baby, it's Hump Day

Okay guys, I finally found the perfect gift for all of you!
I'm so fucking ecstatic because I was really concerned about what you'd all like.

So here, Im sending them in bulk tomorrow. Watch your mail boxes.

OH, and for you single guys, I hear this same remote works on other mens wives and drunk chicks... yes, it's universal! So have at it!

WHOO HOO!! Finally the ladies around here get some reprieve while the men try to figure out how to get the batteries in there.
Not used to the small AAA battery compartments, are you guys? Used to the big rechargable 12 volt hand held power tool chargers eh? Don't fumble them in now, hold steady... remember the + and the -... work with me.

(just don't let the guys point it at you once they get them in... the remote. Get them into the remote you pervert women.. I love ya).


OKAY THEN, NEXT

Men men men men men men men.

Sometimes I just want to give up on all of you. And then I remember that unless I convert to full on lesbianism, I just couldn't function without you.

See, I'm a dick woman. I like dick. Really can't help that I feel that way and well, Damnit... I'm sure you don't mind.

There will never be another replacement for the warmth and fullness that my husband can provide when needed, I know this for a fact of course. But I like the company of a woman too... and although I would love it if my husband had a pussy and breasts... it just ain't gonna happen. So- I'm bi. Happy to be so. Husband is happy too.

Yep. Happy happy.

Let me say that I give a big HOLLA to my lesbian readers, because really I can't get the same kinda satisfaction from silicone that I can from a hot blooded male. In my opinion, no strap on or dildo can give me what a man can really, a lot or women feel the same way I do... and that's kinda pitiful for those of us that like the thought of having benefits with no tolerance.

I've contemplated this so often as I've fantasized about never having to hear about how "moody" I am, or how me eating a Hershey's bar at 11 pm is weird, or how my breasts should be pinchable all the time, not some of the time.

Christ.
I figured it out though, as long as you keep his mouth shut in between lays... all is well.
And I'll live by that. Keep thy man happy lest ye shall suffer whining and comically projected pitiful despair, and that's just bothersome.

Men, do me a favor... go home tonight and kiss your wives; thank them for putting up with you. Besides... you'll need to get some ass kissing in before your remote shows up!


K LADIES, THIS IS FOR YOU

My son has a fascination with feeling me up. He's always reaching down my shirt.

No, NOT the older one! The younger one! PERVERTS!

There's nothing I can do to stop one of my sons 'tender moments' before it's too late. Tonight apparently 'Bingo' wasn't the right song to be singing... who knew.

But, how this applies to you is this...

This is proof that they're born this way and there's nothing you can do about it. So unless YOU want to convert to full on lesbianism, I suggest you just walk around shirtless and let them play or else they'll embarrass you in public.

I'm thinking about getting this shirt for my little one (in blue of course)for Christmas.
He's 3, but it would still work I think. Then he can wear it Christmas morning...

Aww, good times will be had by all when he struts his stuff for Great-Grandma I tell ya.
I'm asking you this because you're ladies, thus some what fashion conscience... right? good.

Alright finally women, listen up. Just as I am giving the guys a remote... I am sending you these t-shirts for Christmas.

I find them appropriate for the season and I think you should wear them to all family gatherings and company Christmas parties.

Wanna draw attention ladies? That's the way.

Even if you don't like anal, wear it and claim you do... watch the eyes of any man bulge like new eggs out a chickens ass.

wow. interesting descriptive.