Munches and Trust Issues

Looking at the clock I could see it was 8:15. Time to run off to the munch that (thanks to impeccable timing and luck) was scheduled for 9pm on the other side of town.

What is a munch you ask? Easy question, easy answer. It's a gathering of people interested in and currently practicing Bondage and Discipline. These rules also apply to BDSM (for those of you not familiar; BD and BDSM are rather different). Yeah, so I was excited to not only attend a little suare' with my fellow bondage kings and queens-- but to gather some fresh opinions and education for this subject. GO ME!

I grabbed my black lipstick, high heeled razor sharp stiletto boots and tore my fishnets. Click-click-click I went out to my car as I tucked my cat o' nine tails in my bag... Off to an evening of BD fun I went, humming along the way.... Once I arrived at the meeting spot the walls were draped in black leather and every one stood in their garb....

Okay people no. No, no... Wait!

Actually a munch occurs at a restaurant or popular public place where we can hang out --- talk and share feelings and a common respect for this lifestyle, sure there is food involved... And drinks if we're lucky. No body wears leather (unless it's a jacket), and hardly any one there owns black lipstick!

So say like... Denny's on crack for the evening. LOL.

Some munch chapters make it a multi-day event; which includes a location other than public for a product display and a play-time. Others just do a one night meeting and then plan on a future date for a play-time... My chapter had their playdate last night apparently and I'm not going to say whether I attended or not, I'm sure you all will be able to figure it out for yourselves.

I'll be goddamned if the bruise on my wrist will never go away... *sigh*


For more in-depth information on what a munch is, I will refer you to one of the sites I write for :)... Hopefully you will find this link useful to your munch knowledge.

To learn more about what your chapter munch is structured like or may be up to... Find some information here.

I spent a good three hours chatting and reinventing different Bondage and Discipline scenarios with my food friends; there were atleast 11 people there (6 girls, 5 guys. Three of those being couples). I inquired whether they would assist me on this little nugget of knowledge for you wonderful, curious, learn-ed people... And of course they said "sure, try this gag-ball on for size and we'll do some demonstration!"

and then they asked me if I had gotten to the safe word yet. uh, yeah.... DUH.

I racked my brain on where to begin; mostly because there's so much to cover in as it pertains to bondage and discipline! Of course brain racking is no good and stifles your creative abilities to write freely, though racking your body allows a reminder of where to start. Let's begin by refreshing our journey so far, shall we?
Yes we should, and please call me master when you address me... Or I'll show you what a pain and pleasure clash feels like.... K?

D/s - Domination and Submission. If you're going to do BDSM, you must choose a role. Some of you know what role you are, some of you don't. A lot of you will flip-flop once you get there... No matter, it's all the same in the end.. (see the pun?)
And once you've arrived at your top or bottom role it all kinda comes together nicely.

Safe word - You are going to need one, and this should be discussed before doing anything that pertains to any constriction or stifling. As noted before, you should pick a word that stands out from your role playing so that it is not confused with the fun at hand...

Make it obvious and clear for your partner to hear and know that you want to abort the activities at hand. A safe word can be the one thing that secures your pleasure and comfort zone....Sometimes even save your life. Mine is 'Key', though some BDSMers use colors (like stoplights 'yellow' to slow down or yield a bit; 'red' to stop completely). Before you begin anything share your safe word with your partner and make certain they have one too.

If you're gagged make sure you have an alternate way to tell your lover that you are wanting to stop the madness- like a pattern of grunts, a hand gesture, or holding an item and dropping it to the floor...

Munch - See above :)

Alrighty then, the last thing you should know... The creme' de la creme' of pre-bondage?

Your partner.
Trust your partner, Respect your partner, obey your partner.

I cant emphasize this point enough! If anything you should know before we travel deeper into my closet and capture the essence of BDSM, this is it.

Really, you can't practice bondage and discipline without someone you can trust.. And when I say trust... I mean TRUST.

Perhaps this is why there are munches to be had, because really you have to know and believe that the person tying you down and/or stifling you respects you enough to take care of you at the same time.
Because you are compromised when submitting to the ties and binds, left without any protection should anything happen to the surrounding atmosphere like an interruption of flow, or a fire-- fire happening is bad... So monitor your candles well! lol.

--If you're putting yourself in the hands of your partner (as a sub) it is crucial that you trust this person to take care of you, respect your limits, be receptive to your safe word, and ultimately be on the same page as far as what you both want from the experience.

--If you're putting yourself in the hands of your partner (as a dom) then its just as important to respect and care for your sub as any mis-appropriation can lead to a bad experience and the loss of a good trusting submissive partner. Sure, you can still get yours if you have no respect for your sub... But word travels fast in the BDSM world.
Should you deem yourself 'untrustable', not only will you lose your submissive partner in that exchange, but any other partner that you may want to 'lie' with in the future. Don't ever EVER step outside the lines of your commitment with your lover when you practice BDSM... You will unintentionally destroy yourself. And no 'moment' is worth losing a friend or a lovers comfort zone and trust as it pertains to your enjoyment.

It is always best to know your partner well. Yes, well. Because this person could be your sexual beneficiary (and vice-versa) many times going forward if all is done correctly, comfortably, and with confidence.
So let's cover some basis before we begin, shall we? Ask yourself these questions ( I did so in italics):

1. So... Get in touch a bit with what role you feel you are... Dominant? Submissive?
Hmmm, I submit mostly... But damn I can be a good Dom too.

2. Does every one have their safe word?
Yep, mine's 'Key', hand gesture is finger crossing....

3. How about your trusted partner?
Of course, I have known mine for 8 years... He would never let me be harmed.

4. Have you discussed what you want out of your BD experience?
Every experience dictates something different and we always discuss this before hand.

If all the answers are yes for you... Then you should enjoy the next two posts immensely.
If you are married or otherwise committed (be it with a woman or man), feel free to sit with your partner and read these together... It would benefit you both and strengthen the bond and comfort level of traveling down this awkward and exciting sexual road.