Unique Mental Textiles

Randomly generated thoughts and miscellaneous odds and ends at your disposal, courtesy of Everything Nice:

Oh please don't be cute tonight, mommy has to write
I can't write about bondage and discipline tonight because my family was way too dysfunctional in a good sort of way. My youngest had his charisma hat on and proceeded to dazzle me with his highly-skilled flirting abilities; batting eyelashes and blowing kisses over alfredo... While the eldest talked about Cro-Magnon eating contests with my husband, and at times it got dicey for me at the dinner table. I'm positive it wasn't me.. but..

At times it was a strange oedipurean moment... and I felt queasy. Seriously gave me the creeps. My youngest is either in love with me... or he's gay people. Not that there's anything wrong with that mind you.

That said, even the inkling of mono-gloves and velvet whips can't shake this "I just sang the Dora the Explorer song and played race cars" groove I got going. And besides... no way in hell I can flip flop that easy people... I'm still one hell of a mother too.

That would be like a Disney movie with a soundtrack by Nine Inch Nails. Interesting concept... but uh-uh, not doing Donald Duck with a paddle.

Chew it Sweetheart
You noticed there's a new girl in town. My hearts all a flutter people, seriously. I'd like to introduce you to “C” or as you know her now Sugar N Spice, my new blog mate. She's been playing in the closet for about a week, taking in the scenery. Last night I hooked her up as a member, since really... She is worthy of a slice of the Em-pie...er. EMPIRE! HA!

Anyway, I'm hoping that her first post here will be a little bio, and perhaps a little intro... and then for me after more champagne a little intro.
And then I'll let her intro... We'll be intro-ing... in. out. in. out.

Please make her feel welcome if you hadn’t had the chance yet. After numerous lengthy conversations of what we feel we want to accomplish with this blog *snicker* it's apparent she has some good things in store.

Side tracked momentarily: Would you pay $400 just to sleep with some one? I’m really tossed up on this one…

Side tracked in a completely different direction: I have emails to write... holy shit... Oh, and I was tagged too! K, I need a post-it note *pulling from fore head*

Bringing Home Flowers
Admittantly, I took my produce story back at my meeting today... Somebody got quite descriptive today about the way a cauliflower feels against a clitoris and I felt compelled.

Shut up fuckers... think about it. SO, yeah... I'll be hanging in the produce section this weekend. Alright, I'm NOT riding a cucumber... no way people. I have my limits. If any of ya’ll have experience you could toss (get it, toss?) my way, I’d surely appreciate it :)


No cleavage in Vegas?
A lot of you are going to be disappointed when you read this, and that's okay because I need you to face a harsh and bitter reality. As you know Blondie and I will be meeting in Vegas soon, it is not on our agenda to sleep together. And though we've poked and prodded each other on the blog, and perhaps flirted… a little; we insist that we're friends. Yup, that's said.

Our intention is not to get in each others panties that weekend... it's about wearing matching ones and strutting around Vegas like a we own the place. Not in the panties only, well, maybe...k no... k well... no.
Alright god damnit it's anybody's guess about the panties, I'll probably lose mine anyway.
We’re gonna shop, and drink, and talk, and do girl things… nuff said. But I’m still packing the bubble bath.

Keep on truckin' (and I'm not screaming that either).
My husband bought himself a new truck today. Good, he needed it... I'm proud of him. But he's doing the I have a V8 and a tow hitch dance... Then you add the testosterone rush of writing a check for it with no financing bull shit.... And before you know it he's like the cock of the walk and I'm sure is gonna try for some anal sex tonight.


Would it shock his manly ego to deny him? At the peak of his carnal manliness? HA! That would completely fuck him up for sure.... Ahhh, the power of a woman, eh girls?

K, I won't deny him... but I'll tease like a saucy bitch.


How bi-polar of me: Do I need to get laid tonight? No, not really..... yes, you do.... no i dont.... yes you do... no really, i dont.. yes... no... k... maybe.... alright i do.


See, now THIS is what Im talking about.
I want to buy a hobble skirt and take a pic in theme with the whole BDSM thing we're working and write it off as a business expense. But I can't because blogging isn't business... Perhaps I could use it for a product review.... HMMMM.
*que light bulb*
Only, the things $110.00, hardly worth justifying that to my editor... and I can't wear it to work. Damn my workplace for not endorsing co-worker flogging... that chaps my ass.

I hope that Tuesday brings you things only you should wish to have. And whatever those things are... ummm, perhaps you should share.