Why I *heart*

My husband
"So, I went to pick up the son at day care today. And, well you know how they have those high-school girls that volunteer in the class rooms in the afternoons...right? Well, it must have been spirit day at the ol' high school because they were in their little cheerleader uniforms... And ummm, they were playing music for the kids, I think it was 'kids bop' or something like that, and all the kids were shaking and dancing like crazy..."
"uh-huh"
"Yea, so there they were, the cheerleaders in their little uniforms... shaking ass with the kids. And I was like 'Uhhh, oh shit well...I need to kill this boner somehow... I better go back out of the room, and start again."

My kids
"Mawmy?!?! can you take a bath with me tonight?"
-or-
"Hey ma, is it alright if 'soandso' spends the night?"
"Is that the one who told you I posed in playboy?"
"Yeah, you want me to tell him to bring it? You'd be amazed at how much it looks like you."

My agent - (at 3:45pm)
"Hey E, sorry to bother you right now but.. I didn't receive your submission... could you hand deliver it? Supposed to be in print by 5."
"Uhh, I'm working... I sent it, .pdf last night, you didn't get it?"
"No, so you can't drop it off?"
"Well, I suppose I could try to cut out early... but it would be a stretch."
"Stretching is good, you have until 5."

My friends- (via email)
Hey E, C here... just wanted you to know that I got a smokin deal on the suite at the MGM... that way we can hit Studio 54, party our asses off... then stumble and puke all the way back to the room... without having to scrounge taxi fare. Sound good? I hope the fuck so, I had to suck the nastiest dick for it.... but you'll probably contribute that to being a single thing too. Bitch. Oh, and I switched to coach, your flight... so we can pre-function."

My skirt
Yeah, so what when the wind blows just the right way it shirks my skirt wide open to expose the garter... big deal. I'm a giver. Besides, thanks to the splitting action, so indicative of a wrap-style skirt, I was busy flashing the truck drivers all afternoon on the interstate enroute to the agent. Okay, yea I knew what I was doing.... they loved it.

My car
5 spd transmissions kick ass. Not only because you can fondle the stick when you're bored, simulating manual manipulation... but it's fucking hot to down shift doing 75 so you can reach 90 faster. Also especially handy at accelerating away from said truck drivers after teasing. Don't act surprised that I drive a stick.

Men
And you think women are needy, sheesh. Give an inch and they take a yard. Case in point, just because I asked you how your day was doesn't mean I want to take you home. Okay, maybe I do... but I don't want you to call me next day... and how the FUCK did you get my number?
Furthermore, if I have shown you my tits willingly, it means you're exceptionally in need of a special evening with Everything Nice... don't snark off the invitation dammit, just go with it. Go with it. Resisting temptation in my book is just plain stupid... chances are you'll never get a second chance to make a first impression... and we all know exactly where I want that impression made. Don't fight the feeling already.
As a side note: I really could give a fuck if you're not bi, I told you I would bridge it.

My pussy that bitch
because no matter how much I play with it, it always wants more. It's very forgiving, but still very greedy as far as my attention is concerned... And it never really decides whether it wants to play nice or not. Damn. I try and beat it to make it do what I want it to... but it never works out that way. Just like a man.

And you - yes you. because you're going to wait one more night for Don't Ask, Don't tell so I can play with my pussy....capiche?

Not forgotten

Well, I think it's safe to say that launching a hard drive out your front window at 1 in the morning is not a good idea. Not only because the aggravated belligerent screaming of "fuck you then you piece of shit, play in traffic for all I fucking care" disturbs the neighbors, but because it's way too dark to find it again if you need to... Or at least what's left of it.
Fortunately, before meeting it's demise in the round file, I was able to hunker down and use my "special touch" *giggle* to retrieve what I needed.
That's right you fucking heap of hardware haggis... Give me my shit already, I have you beaten.
Alright, alright.... Only partially able to retrieve what I needed. Need to re-do submission and edits, don't ask don't tell was backed up... So that's not an issue... *shew* But, still bites ass that I didn't back up sooner... Wasted time and energy...

Fuck me.

Speaking of...I was enticed last night by something while deep in the depths of hard drive hell. Somebody knows just how to push my buttons, and they did... fucker.

I was turned on to the point of extreme panty wetness, in fact I hadn't been that hot in awhile...Curious? Thought you might be.
I won't go into details about it, because hey... A girls gotta have her secrets, right?

How many of you are saying "Why start now EN?" again *giggle*

I didn't get their permission to give credit, so I honestly I can't tell you... Sorry.

For hours after the "encounter", I tried to think of other things and wipe the vision away.... AWAY. Race cars, football, kittens, diapers, algebra, Sunday brunch with Grandmother.... Ugh.

Then I tried to awaken husband who had gone to bed just moments earlier and perhaps use him to take out my now compounded sexual frustration. No budge, poor dear.
Fuck again.
what to do, what to do.... And the clock goes tick-tock-tick-tock. 12:46 am, hmmmm.

...

I decided it was prime time to grab alternate and head for shower.
Love showering with alternate in the middle of the night. I have trouble with the whole standing thing though, usually end up on my knees or back anyway... Oh yeah baby- eyes closed, legs spread, faux man working overtime.
Good orgasm, nice and healthy... Just what I needed after being twisted and tortured by said person... Made to satisfy myself in the quiet of the night. Increasing my water bill by another $10. Why and how did it happen? Usually, I am not so easily made to crumble like a priest alone in the confessional with an alter boy.... Chemistry? Again, perhaps. Or, could it be that I have finally met my match? Somebody skilled enough to get the upper hand?
No, not possible. I do not relinquish control...Ever.

But here's where it gets interesting... So listen closely people. This game of cat and mouse has been modified, ante'd up even if you will. For once, I have no control over my moral value... No, I wouldn't cheat on husband... puhleeze, that's just plain idiocracy. But this person has me doing things I have never done before... Acting a little more naughty than usual.
Is that possible? abso-fucking-lutely... Never say never people.
Can you say threesome material? *bite lip and thinking...Salivating even...*
Perhaps.

I like it, and husband will benefit from the extra attention.... cha-ching in the over-sexed department... I'm not taking no for an answer tonight that's for sure.

Husband, your dick is mine... Whether you're conscious or not.
Other person, please forward your mailing address or Po box so that I may give it to husband... So he can write his thank you. And don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever do that shit to me again... unless you plan on coming over and smacking me on the forehead with it.

fucker.

Oh... see, I got distracted again... expect Don't ask; Don't tell 6 tomorrow. No, hadn't forgotten about your directive task bar, just stalling.

Outcome

For all you suspense junkies... or

For those who provided guidance, and for that I give a heartfelt thanks.
Wasn't until about 5 minutes ago I found my fucking courage and decided to hash this out with the gals... Of course, being 4 hard working women, we had to leave it up to the email... and wait routine. But, consequently we got everything under control without a phone call, thank god.
Whatever you do, don't get us on a conference call... we'd never come back from lunch.

E: Let me think on this, will decide at lunch time. Haven't booked but reserved.

C: Liar, you booked. What airline did you book on? Did you get a good seat? I used my miles to upgrade to first class.

E: You're single... you can do that without using your miles. Why didn't you just save your miles for something else dumbass? Pay outright, until you get that hunky guy and wisk him away to Cabo or something. I used the same airline you did... I told you I didn't book, just holding.

Z: First class, figures. Say, what airline was it? Just curious. C, what did you pay?

C: Nothing. Just miles baby, well, maybe like the $25 surcharge... E, I have no hunk. Can we get this figured out please? I need to know if I should cancel.

E: Which is a shame, you're so good at french kissing too. I say we go, without J.... Z, I'm paying about $259 just fare, no hotel. Which reminds me, what are we doing about hotel?

C: I vote Bellagio, second only to the Venetian. I can get us in the Venetian for about $250 a night... we could all go in together on it. Say yes.

E: Okay, you pay for my quarter mileage girl... I will sleep with you.

Z: $259 eh? Alright, make it two E... if you book, book me. we go without J. But please don't sleep with C just to get free hotel stay.

C: Yes, sleep with me you whore. Fuck no way I'm paying for your stay. Work it out E, you can work tables for the money.

E: Yeah, in Vegas maybe... no where to go around here with the stupid 4 foot rule in effect. Umm C, do you kiss your mother with that mouth... shit.

C: Work it fucker... work... it. I booked, I'm reserving room right now. Be there.

J: Shit you guys, I work for two hours without checking my email and you've completely screwed me out the deal! Bitches. You're not going without me. Let me make some phone calls... just don't eliminate me from this trip if you're still going.

Z: I didn't screw you... promise. E, book two. I will write check for ya... Let's sit next to each other, k... in coach.

E: Sure thing... booking two in about 5 minutes. If we sit next to each other will you wear that little suede mini skirt I like so much. Screw you for not being shorter Z, I hate your legs.

C: Bitches... sit in first class with me.

E: We're not even on the same flight! Idiot. go twirl your hair at the Starbucks guy.

Z: If you promise not to insist on going into the bathroom with me this time.

E: I did that to freak out the cute attendant guy. And it worked. About as well as when C shoved that tampon in the tip cup at that bar in the square...

Z: Freaked me out.. couldn't pee.

E: loved it, got a free in flight drink didn't I? Yeah, I fucking rock.

Z: How'd you do that anyway? The free drink?

E: I wiped my mouth when we left the restroom, made sure he saw it. Are we replying to all, haven't heard from C.

C: I'm here fuckers... I didn't know it was a tampon. I reserved the room, we'll have to share. Depending on whether J goes or not I will break up the money owed to ME and we can even it out later. Cool?

J: After listening to you old ladies banter back and forth it's apparent we need to go...Booking.

E: J's booking, I'm booking two; Z and Me. How could you not know it was a tampon? wtf did you think it was? It was a TIP JAR dumb ass. J, I am interested in hearing how you fenagled that. Please let me know when you have time.

C: Fuck you E.

E: Z first if she wears the skirt, you later on in the evening when we share a bed.... I'll pay you with my table dancing tip money... now don't you feel cheap?

J: Well, you have it all figured out now don't you? Let me know if anybody is not serviced... oh, that would be me. I'll bring the vibrator LOL

E: Like that's anything new, you always bring it when you fly.

J: do not

E: Do too, and I know that because you told me so.

Z: She did? Why does she do that? Is she that bad off?

E: No, she likes to watch the security screeners take it out, remove the batteries, re-install them and turn it back on. She gets a kick out of it. Been doing that since 9-11.

J: So... girl needs a laugh when travelling.

C: Can we end this now? Is it clear what the game plan is?

E: Yeah, you looking cheap and way out of place in first class, us in coach fucking with the attendants... or the three-year-old in front of us. See ya.

I suppose it's crystal clear after reading that installment eh? I said it before and I'll say it again, I love those fucking girls.

Fear and Loathing.

So I awaken this morning, grab my coffee... kiss my children, watch a bit of the local news while prepping for my day and rush off to work...

Task list is abundant here. Sucks big ass.
Okay, re-prioritize. Here I was thinking Wednesday would be a breeze... right.
Open my outlook, 16 emails from the girls about Vegas trip... one titled "snippage."

....?
This one I open first, even though it's at the bottom of the list (so curious was I) and it read:
Ladies,

Talked to husband, not sure if I should book. Snippage to occur Thursday... may not be able to do this til later, perhaps we could stay local so I can only be away for one night. I know, it sucks... hoping you haven't booked yet.
Let me know - J

Only one thing I know pertains to snippage.... hmmm. I keep reading, scrolling backwards into the fury of replies...

Series went like this:
C: Fuck you, I already booked.
Z: Snippage? As in BALL SNIPPAGE? You need to clarify, so far it sounds like an excuse... come on. Don't disappoint..
J: Yes, balls. What do you want me to do? This was planned 4 months ago... just go without me.
Z: You mean ___________'s having a vasectomy right?
C: Fuck you, I already booked.
J: Yes, I could go out on Friday or Saturday, but not all weekend... do you want to cancel and re-schedule or what? I have to be here to take care of him.
C: He can take care of himself... he's a big boy. Tell him to buck up and stick to the ice pack.
Z: If you have to, you have to.... where's E in all this? Perhaps we should get her opinion.
C: Ice pack, Ice pack. I vote Ice Pack E
J: E, please advise on what you think we should do... and let us know first thing in the morning please... did you book?
C: E, tell her fuck off... you already booked.

FUCK ME. What to do... how to answer? They have three kids for crying out loud, I know this means alot to J....
And my work taskbar reminds me I have shit to do.

I sit looking at a blank reply page..... *headache* thinking of how I could possible respond, I didn't book yesterday. But I did put a 24 hour hold on a ticket... and even brought it up to husband last night for pre-approval.

*headache*

Phone rings.... agent wanting to know where final draft of my next quarterly submission was... strange I thought that was taken care of, sent it in last week.
Big problem with that? My secondary hard drive that I keep all that shit in went haywire last night around 11:45...

Even bigger bummer... Don't Ask, Don't tell is on that one too.... and had I known it would fucking flip-out, I would have posted sooner.

No fear on that though... I have tricks to recover, and I back up. But could it be that submission is lost? Oh no.

Alright dammit... time to put on the ass kicking shirt and dig in, some body's got it out for me today.

Sorry about the boring routing-piss-me-off-today type shit.... but wanted to be sure and give a heads up to anybody who would care if they didn't see a post for the next couple of days.

Any suggestions on how to answer the vegas email though? Really stumped there.

The Fantastic Four

Recent thoughts, feelings, and events have prompted a call to my girlfriends. Yes, the rowdy, belligerent group of four that terrorize the male population every once and a while.

I have gotten a bit off track, and all work no play makes EN a dull girl. I need a naughty-ladies night. Not naughty like nasty... but naughty like bad girl, you need a spanking. How dare you flash your ass at that taxi driver! And don't French kiss your friend just to get rid of club sharks.

I realize I had not seen them in awhile, and to spend some time with my gal pals is to increase my emotional well-being. It suits me to spend an evening wreaking havoc with other good-time closet moms. Although these ladies do not have the closeted sexual lifestyle that I do, they thoroughly enjoy a night to be, well, not themselves.

I think I have told you about my clutch before in one of my postings, so I will not waste your time with that. Let's just say we are an interesting clutch of women when we get together. Like a bad episode of Girls Gone Wild. Especially when alcohols involved which is apper po for our next endeavor.

So, I email out a request for ladies night... and the replies start to fly in like wild fire. Was I not the only one thinking it was time to cut loose? And the planning begins:
night club, bar, restaurant, casino which? All perhaps? That's just what my city needs, us to be running wild on duck farts and gin without chaperones.

Then C, the only single one of the bunch drops a bomb; "Why are we wasting our time at that casino? let's just go to Vegas for the weekend?"

Gasp.

Haven't I been reflecting on a trip there for like, the last year?

Zanie, the blonde of the group (yet overly intelligent with super long legs that don't quit by the way) replies "Airfare is rather cheap right now, maybe not a bad idea."

J replies "absolutely.. Fly out Friday the 14th and return Sunday morning."

I scramble to check my bank account, and then the airlines website; okay yes cheap fair, but would husband really allow me to be alone, for two days with the girls knowing what we're like when we get together? In VEGAS of all places?

Interesting conundrum.


"Book it," I replied, "Book it."

In the shadows

I'm lurking tonight in a bottle.
For some reason the Bacardi looked inviting to me. Clear and refreshing.

There are so many reasons for me to drink tonight. I would spill every thought like a bad wine across stark white linen, but I won't.... because in my overly intoxicated state I think I would devulge a bit too much.

Humor me, it's not a pretty sight.

See, I have issues... For some weird reason I haven't had sex in like, a week. I at first blamed it on the cold... and then the sleep deprivation from having the cold. Now, I'm almost completely ready to play and husband is pre-occupied with work. I don't blame him, his job is stressful and needs to be the priority sometimes.
Most times I work around this, still making it my advantage... I'm selfish that way.

I remember when we first began dating; he was making his way through college and I was there to distract him from his homework. Wanting to spend more time with him I did what all good girlfriends do and twisted his arm into taking some online classes instead of live ones.
There he would sit, trying reluctantly to focus on the scrolling lecture careening across his browser window... with his dick full on in my mouth... It's a shame he failed that class.
That was biology ironically.

I cant' do this tonight, as it's a career thing and well... somebody's got to make the big bucks around here.

Second, god damnit my tits hurt. Fuck this hormonal burst of love I get every month. Now that I have eliminated one bad symptom, I think I will take on the fucking balloons of pain... bastard breasts. They need to be beaten, heavily. I think that it's important for all you guys to know that when your lady says "Ouch, they're sensitive"... they really fucking mean it.

Third, I am being mind-fucked. Pardon the pun. I can't even blame it on anybody... it's all, my fault.

Fourth, I ripped off the tip of my pointer finger on my right hand. Isn't really an interesting story to tell there... out of all the fingers on my hand, had to be that one. No jokes please.
Fucking hurts to type though... nuff written there.

I think I will slip into a bath, turn on some Otis, and finish my third cocktail.
Come on, you can join me.

Honesty is such a lonely word

How many of you know the follow line to that piece of chorus?
I bet many of you.
Billy Joel was one of the best concerts I ever went to. One of the best, not the best since I have been to so many. Ranging from AC/DC to Depeche Mode to Santana.

Recently, while scrolling the pages of the people I watch... I find that a lot of fellows and fellas are writing a little about themselves. I find this hugely entertaining and insightful. Meaning, when I read about you it makes me want to read about your opinions and situations even more. Not like an addiction though, don't get ahead of yourself. No, just more enjoyable to ... enjoy.

So whilst you all give a hint of yourselves, I remain shrouded in a velvet curtain of only my sexuality and it's problems here. Nobody ever gets tired of sex... unless they've had sex, and it's anal... for the first time. *grit teeth*

Therefore I cannot imagine you wanting me to delve into anything but, right? Why would you want to know more about the "grocery store" me? The PTA me? The owie-knee-kisser me? The bathrobe wearing coffee toter that I am?

I tell you what, I'll ante up a bit. But ONLY a bit.

My kids mean the world to me, hands down. They are the epitome of all that's pre -man. Teetering on testosterone influx they are definetly interesting to watch. If I had not had sons, I'd have never known you guys played with yourselves from birth.

The kids in my sons class think I'm his big sister.

The teacher thought I was a nanny.

I coached little league for two years.

I cause accidents all the time, not intentionally.

I'm smart enough to wear camoflague pants and a black halter top to Home Depot on a Saturday afternoon. Normally getting an "at the counter discount." As well I own a jigsaw with a lazer guide and a compound mitre saw, and yes it's mine.

I'll never tell you the strangest place I had sex. Ever.

I like to hang out with my girlfriends and fish, it's my little slice of heaven.

I play poker and chew on stogies with the guys.

I sleep naked, and when forced to put clothes on (like never) I usually end up taking them off anyway in my sleep.

My dinner specialty is an old recipe my southern granny passed down: Chicken and Dumplings (slow simmered on the bone). I'm telling ya, it's the reason my husband married me.

Underwear favorite would be boy shorts... second only to none at all.

I play my bass guitar whenever possible, my favorite song to practice to would have to be People of the Sun by Rage Against the Machine (or atleast that's my flavor of the month).

I do play my bass guitar in boy shorts... thanks for asking.

All time best song to play bass guitar to while wearing boy shorts and then have sex during? Kashmir - Zepplin.

My one weekness is being kissed from behind, on the nape of the neck. God help the one who does that...

........................................................................
Best sexual encounter?
Most favorite thing for intimacy?
Favorite sexual position? No, I think we should stop right there. *giggle*

I feel as if I have given up a huge piece of myself... Gosh, I feel almost--- violated.

*perk*

Control Freak

Alright, god damnit.

What is it about you? You love to get a girl all twisted and toppled.

I can't help who I am, but dammit why oh why do you need to entice me?
Ultimately, I don't mind it. But that's a lie.

In my world, I'd take you on. But it would have to be a grudge thing, you understand.
Why grudge? Because you drive me so fucking crazy, that's why.
I would love to have the time to do to you what you've done to me, triple-fold.

I think you know that I am a delicate flower (LOL) of emotions and sexual layers. I think you know that the longer and more suggestive you get, the more I crumble, shiver, quiver, and lose control of my... well, control.
I think you like it. To know what you say and do puts me in a place where I have the need to find some quiet time with alternate, or ride my husband madly after kids go to bed.

What? Am I wrong.
And that goes for you girls too, only you're not as pompous about it. Sometimes you women spark that bi-firecracker and there I am.... wretched in thought about flying far, far away just to see if what my imagination concurred is close to what reality would be. I'm super overly sensitive right now. On hyper-drive... tonight should be one hell of a night... thanks to you.



I still think a trip to Vegas is in order.
Tell anyone? Hell no. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas...

I think I should sit in my corner and consider that yes, I am a play toy.
I am a play toy....I am a play toy.

Ex-factor

In the immortal words of my man, Biggie Smalls:

Some say the ex make the sex spec-tacular
Make me lick you from your neck to your back and ya
Shiverin', tongue deliverin' chills up that spine
That ass is mine.

Skip the wine and the candlight, no krystal tonight
If it's alright with you, we fuckin (that's cool)
Dejavu and the blood spark
finger-fucking at the park
Pissy of Bacardi dark.....


yeah, I'm still on that whole Ex thing. Really hot and bothered about it actually. Lost ALOT of sleep last night considering different scenarios, sequences, and positions. Lost ALOT of sleep.

Today, during one of the ex's and I's variety themed email conversations he asked me the most bizarre question; I was blind-sided.

>What do you think our lives would be like if you and I were married and you
>were coming home to me tonight?>
>(sorry to throw such a fast ball at you so late in the day)

WTF?
Fast ball?
That was more like a line drive to left field.

How does one answer the question.... hmmmmm.
What I wanted to say and what I actually said were two completely different things.

What I wanted to say

We'd arrive home about the same time, because I'd be working.
We'd have girls, since you seem to be Y chromosome cursed.... And I'd be pouting because they'd get all of your attention. Goddammit, I"M the princess.
I'd pour a glass of wine (luv one glass after work).
We'd make dinner, together and play with the kids.
Of course I would have to grope you, rub up against you, and make lewd comments at you most of the evening behind the kids backs.
Then, once we saw the little ones off to bed we would pop in a favorite porn... we'd laugh at the cheesy-cheap lookin' chicks, and eventually have seen enough to stimulate the creativity for the rest of the night. Not that we'll need it.

I'd take you by the hand to the bedroom, strip for you, suck you, fuck you.
And kiss you goodnight.


What I said instead

"If I told you, It'd make your toes curl."

I score 50 points for evading the issue; and 50 more for still being obvious about it. Of course, I'm losing about 100 points for continuing to think about said question.... So I figure I broke even.

We're both happily married... so, I don't forsee some weirdo affair with him or anything. So why does this drive me so fucking crazy? It's that chemistry shit. Fuck that.

The other half

Hell of a day, glad I had it.

Thought I would end it the satisfactory way. After putting youngest to bed, I did the traditional "lock myself in MY bathroom and hide." Which simply put means; grab the bottle of febreze, open the window ajar, hit the fan and finish the joint dad left. Bless his heart.
My dear husband doesn't smoke it, so that mean more for me.... and usually left overs.
So now that I'm fairly stymied and fading fast into some really funny shit that makes absolutely no sense, I will throw this post out hastily.

I know, I've posted the gopher before... but he's so fucking cute. How can you NOT love him?

No Shit, this really happened to me today.

I'm walking down the ave near my work when a guy in his mid-late twenties walks by. Our eyes meet for a moment, then back to the sidewalk. As we are distancing I hear him hollar "Hey, I know you!" I look over my shoulder and think "how many times have I heard this one?" I keep walking. "No wait... stop!" The guy jogs back to me, I stop and turn. "You're Everything Nice!"
I stand stunned. No fucking way. My mind races, what do I say? do I do? Ummm, did I piss this guy off, like ever? Meanwhile he smiles excitedly, "aren't you?"
I think I managed to get out a "uh, what?"
"You're Everything Nice, you write that bubblegum blog... I read your shit!"
Okay, so when you endeavor into these bothersome anonymous things, you have potential to screw yourself. I have two options:
A} Play stupid. Deny what he's talking about and act as if your terrified that he approached you in the first place.
ot
B) Admit it, say thank you. And ask how the hell he recognized it was me?

I chose B. "Yeah, yeah that's me."
"That's so cool, I'ts great to meet you in person... do you work around here?"
Okay, I'm not getting that specific. "Well, no. I'm just running errands."
"Oh, that's cool... I love your blog really, read it all the time."
"I'm glad you enjoy it, do you ever comment or email? What's your user name?"
"Oh, I'm not a blogger... I just stumbled upon it while on Google, and have been reading it ever since. Sorry to hear about your Grandfather."
"Oh, thanks" I smile, dude seemed innocent enough.
"I'm Steve."
"Hi Steve, I'm..."
"Wait!" He interrupts, "Don't tell me your real name... it's all hush hush here."
I had to laugh at that, it was really cute. "Thanks Steve, maybe I'll give you an honorable mention tonight."
"Really? That'd be totally cool."
"Alright then, I'll see ya." We waive good-bye, and then I realize I never asked him how he recognized it was me. "Steve!" I shouted "Hey, how did you know it was me?"
"Your tat!" He shouted back... "It's really unique!"
I realized I had a tank top on. I normally wear a sweater or jacket over my arms to conceal it at work. I forget on the weekends, and evenings that it is always showing...
It was flattering, and felt really good to have a compliment. But at the same time, it really sucked... I just wanted to get my coffee (no offense Steve). Besides, it was also really embarrassing, me being the timid one that I am. HI STEVE!

Now, on to the issues at hand. Or, for that matter, in my hand; which I wish were really what my fingers were working right now.

*clearing throat*

Ex's - I know, strange topic... needs to be addressed. I had an enlightening conversation with a friend today about ex's, and how chemistry relates to those which may have been interrupted unintentionally or were so volitile that you had to break up with them. You know the types of relationships I'm talking about right? Those that you just loved to fuck and were there time or a place to do it, you did. You were playful with this person all the time; but when it came down to other things you just couldn't agree. Sometimes those are the hardest to let go of.

Yeah, chemistry... it's a strange thing. And if you were in either of these types of relationships then you know what it's like when you see that person again.
Volitile.
Whilst engaging in that conversation, I was also carrying on an email to my ex! Chemistry with that ex? Yes. History with that ex? Yes. Was it great sex? Oh, yeah. Have I seen that ex recently? Yes.
Did we get stupid when we saw each other again for the first time in 10+ years!?!?!? Abso-fucking-lutely.

Since, we go back and forth in email sometimes, shoot the shit and what not. Normally, the conversation begins innocently enough. Then one of us had to go and open our big mouths about the "remember when......" stuff. I begin to have these really intense flash backs; yikes. Sometimes I have to remember to stifle it... unless he indicates otherwise.
For now, I wait for the next time we have lunch... and can finish laughing about the quickies at the radio station, I still think we should have done it on the air, atleast once.
Unless we did and you didn't tell me.

I sat in a business meeting today with some very rich and powerful men... you could feel the air of the room change as they walked in and seated themselves. I got to shake their hands and introduce myself... One of them cajoled to my boss "What's she to you _________ ?" He respectfully replied "everything." That - kicks - ass.
As I sat and listened to them grumble about profit margins and projections, I wondered how many of them would be at the Halloween party.

Oh, this Halloween party has me intrigued. Apparently alot of planning goes into these things (who knew)?
I have talked to my red hot friend about the venue, she seems to think it is costume... but she's not sure. Costume means I have to get creative. I am a creative person my nature, but also a perfectionist... so whatever I have to come up with for the party should be perfect for me.
Any suggestions?

Hit me with your best shot. And on the face or breasts preferably.

Feedback and Taskbar

Alright so I let you decide what I would be striking off of my task bar first. Many of you voted for the next (and final) installment of "Tease." Gee, I wonder why?
I know, I know. I was just as excited about it as you were... *giggle*

Okay, consider it checked off. Here is the complete quadrilogy, the DVD box set will be out soon for purchase... Alright, how many of you are actually going to ask me to send you one?

Tease
Tease Too
Tease Three
Tease Four

In the last posts comments section, one of you asked about a friend who is having sexual communication issues with his new wife. Ummm, no dis-respect intended of course, but I have to ask a few general questions... to get the whole scenario understood.
Did he not know she was like this before marriage?
Or - did this start recently, perhaps a role change of somekind?

I know that sometimes us women no longer feel like the girlfriend sex-kitten and instead throw on the apron of "wifelyhood" when we commit to our man. And then you get the whole "A respectable wife doesn't do that"/innocence thing.
FYI- A respectable wife DOES do that... especially if she wants to keep her husband in proper operating order. And no wife is innocent... no wife.
Don't even pretend ladies.
I digress. It could be she is thinking that she's no longer sexual to him... a saltine instead of a cookie (if you will). We women do that too; "I'm not sexy, I'm your wife." That bites ass. If you're married and you think that, really? Slap yourself... HARD.

On another note, I really believe that somebody needs to be the better man/woman and step up to the plate. Your friend needs to talk about this, straight forwardly-like. With her undivided attention, and his too. Here's what I suggest:
He take her to dinner, soft candle light kinda thing. Some drinks, wine definetly.
Get through the appetizer, and before your meal (or during) have him tell her he feels there is some mis-communication, and he doesn't like to feel that "he can't openly share his feelings with her about sex." He needs to say this exactly, because it's non-directive and honest. It also makes him sound quite empathetic and human. Now, if he has said it correctly, she should say something like "About what?" Or "What do you mean?"
If she has said either of these, it's a bingo... and he's in like Flynn to tell her he desires to pick her up like a six pack. Or, whatever he finds suitable.

Basically, somebody needs to talk... loosely, and in an adult forum. You can't talk about shit like this at McDonalds playland... or worse, during Shrek.

For more about Communication as it relates to sexuality and partners, here is a link to #2 on the Sexual Mojo series. Now you know why it's so high on the list, your friend and his new wife are shining examples of how this post should be utilized and percepted.

Okay... so it's off to #2 on my directive task bar. Shew.

I'm your puppet

In addition to the last posts thoughts, it seems that my life's schedule has shifted a bit and with that some un-finished projects (why does this all of a sudden keep happening to me with the interruptions)? Shit, busy girl I guess.

SO, I'm gonna give you a list... and you're gonna tell me which project to wrap up first? I'm a submissive directive person sometimes... you gatta feed me.
Pick one, or forever be bound and gagged, forced to hear whatever I chose as the priority... and that, I am not sure you'd be keen on. Ahem

1. Porn Review - I'm tellin' ya, I've seen some pretty good ones! OF different eras even. Everything from 70's bush and Ron Jeremy to 00's multi-angle european porn! Should be a good one.

2. Tease For - I am sure this is what you're really all waiting for. Why not finished? Honestly, I don't know... I'm a fucking procrastinator and I need to be spanked.

3. 10 ways to teach yourself - Somewhat motivating and intellectual contribution to the top 10.

4. Don't Ask, don't tell - How many of you totally forgot about this one? I did.

5. More random daily acts of extroversion... these topics could include anything from the gum I'm chewing to the details about the client party on Halloween... riveting.

So yeah, shape me... mold me... bend me... but don't bite; nibble.
Make my priority for me, I like it when you tell me what you want.

Hollow ground

My face feels like it's going to explode, I think I am getting the beginning of a cold. It was that kind of day today... could it be I am just sad altogether?

Work was totally insane, lots of shit to do. I am noticing that I am spending more time cleaning up somebody else's (last employee) "whoopsies" than doing my own work. I spent most of the day on the road, scarfing down fruit snacks and Doritos.

Now not only does my face hurt, but my stomachs upset from lack of nutrition.

My father, whom I hadn't talked to in awhile, called me today. He left me a cryptic message on my cell phone "What does a lawyer do when he gets you on the stand?""Shit Dad, I dunno... what?"

"No, you have to guess."
"Uhhhh...*blow nose* interrogate you?"
"No...."
"Let's see, uh.. cross examine?"
"No.."
"Dad, are you in some kind of trouble?"
"No!"
"okay... well, he questions you?"
"Uh, nope..."
*getting more than a little annoyed* "Dad, I'm sorry.. I just don't know."
"He GRILLS you...lol."
I sit in silence, stunned. Besides being a bit of a time waster, I was actually getting frustrated that this conversation was going nowhere. "Okay Dad, what the hell does that mean?"
*still laughing* "When you get home, look in your grill."

So all day I wondered what was in my bbq.
Yikes.


Yes, the day only gets worse from there. I don't know what it is, but I am thinking that perhaps I said something to piss some one off lately. My reader volume has gone wayyyyy down. Besides that, I haven't had any emails or comments from the usual crowd. Was it something I said?
If anybody knows why they're not talking to me or enjoying my blog anymore... could you tell me? I'll be fucked if I know.

k. I'm going to go cry over a bowl of Chicken Soup, after I smoke the joint that wa left for me in my bbq.

Let's talk about porn tomorrow, I have a few I want to tell you about...

Yeah bitches!

I went for three... and scored!

Not only that, but I actually got to watch some porn too! Which pretty much set the tone for the rest of the evening.

*squeel*
Life is sweeeeeeeet.

Kiss my ass recovery, kiss it.

All I have to say is damn, John Holmes... you were one hung mutha fucka.

Now if you will excuse me, I have laundry to do... and that spin cycle's in full effect.

Oops I did it again

I feel compelled to post my britney spears on the toilet picture again.

The night before was so awesome that I guess I needed a follow up last night, so sue me. It was husbands fault again, I swear! He made it so I couldn't say no. I mean seriously, if you're spooning me and playing with my pussy while kissing my neck... What the Fuck did you expect?

Me to say no? And don't act surprised that I spread my legs instead of stopping you either... Shit.

That dreams still haunts me when I sleep, make it go away.

Since it appears that I cannot even begin to stay away from dick, I decided to do maintenance today. I normally keep my parts clean shaven, but since surgery I just put it off... What's the use, nobody's paying any attention to it... Right?

Okay, so I wanted my husband to go down on me last night, yeah? But I reluctantly said no. I don't know how the women in the 70's did it with all that bushy pubic hair?!?! I mean to say, mine wasn't that bad... But I like it high and tight down there, perfect. I told him to wait until tonight...
Maintanence included a shave... Everywhere. Amongst plucking, waxing, polish, deep condition on the hair... Lovely. I like this so much I'm doing it more often.. hadn't been quite so bald in awile.

REMINDER: Will somebody please remind me that I have a real fucking funny pussy hair landscaping post?

Otherwise, as far as my body goes... I hurt no more, everything seems very normal. I think we could safely take it up a notch tonight.

On top of other things today, I had to go shopping (ugh, I hate shopping) for some nice slacks for work. Does anybody make petite professional slacks that aren't in the juniors section?!?!? Jesus, I have the waist of a teenager and the hips of a woman... I need some professional gear here people, not Hillary Duff sponsored khaki's!!!

I almost ended my search when I stumbled across a pair in the petites section. Normally I wear the just below waist... These were high waisted... I had never owned a pair of these, but always admired them on others. They were sweeeeet, and on sale. I'm thinking to myself "there's no way they'll have them in my size.." Yep, sure did.

I whisked away to the fitting room... Like a glove baby, and terrible sexy. And my ass looks great in them too (I have never come across a pair of slacks that my ass looked good in) bonus! Top of that, they are soft and silky.. But not like rayon... Almost a blend of sorts... Oh yeah baby... Perfect pantiless slacks. They should rub just right.

Sold. Two pairs. I was really excited about this, had to post it!

I was surprised to see that some of you surf on the weekends. All this time I thought blogging was only something to do at work. I am always on my blog on the weekends... Unless I'm doing something I'm not supposed to.

Which reminds me, I have a lot of email to check and I'm supposed to be writing Tease For.

Hello everyone, I have shit to do.

Fifty Percent Freedom

I've never been one to follow the rules.

My motto is this: Rules are meant to be broken most times... The other is just too much fucking fun.
When justifying to ones-self whether one should follow a certain rule-- or not; one must have a reality process, post haste. And an ability to see into the future.
I normally teeter on why the rule was made. Then, assess the consequences... hmmm, is it worth it? Would it make me happy? blah blah blah...

Side note: Rules and Laws are different. I try (for the most part) to obey the law. Shoplifting is no fun really, neither is making meth in your bath tub.
Alright, back to the whole rules thing... Yeah, I think about it. Then I just do it.

Case in point: I broke my 4 week celibacy last night.


Okay so what? YEAH so the doctor told me 4 weeks until intercourse, whatever.
I didn't even actually hear him say it, I was narco-comatose in the recovery room. All I remember is seeing him bend over the top of me, smiling... I asked him whether it was a boy or a girl. Yeah, that's how fucked up I was... So in reality, I may have heard it, but didn't comprehend.

Another sidenote: To those of you that don't know any better; I didn't just have a baby or anything, just some surgery around that general area. So me asking the sex was totally ridiculous

And it means nothing that it was on the discharge papers either... I couldn't find my glasses that day, or the day after that... Or...

Rule broken: I was supposed to wait another 2 weeks... But you don't understand, I couldn't help myself.

The nights are getting colder around here, and it fucking sucks because that's sweater weather. Yuck. I swear to all that is holy; they don't make a sweater that compliments a petite woman, unless it's $135 dolla's. Let me remind you that I am a mother of two. I don't wear $125 dolla sweaters. Unless you have seen any around...Girls if you know of one... Send me the link. Guys if you know of one... Send me the link too, just don't let your guy friends see you do it or anything if you want to maintain your manly image.

But I digress; the nights have gotten colder.
It's cuddle weather; and neither of us agree it's time for a $100 power bill yet. We have vowed to wait it out and use body heat instead. Oh yeah baby, body heat!

So, Husband and I nestled in to bed last night... Then he started talking dirty to me. *bite lip*
He had already done it earlier in the evening before I left for the open house at my sons school. I swear I didn't hear a word that teacher said... He had me thinking about what I would be coming home to. *biting lip harder*
So I had already smoked a half-pack that day to keep from making my lip puffy since I had been biting it all day... increased smoking due to sexual repression sucks ass.

Why biting lip all day? Because On top of that I had some enlightening conversations with you all the past couple of days, which kept me riveted. AND that dream I had... Fuck that dream.

By the time I got to bed and the lips began moving; the other lips began moving. I couldn't wait any longer... We were both down for it, no excuses... No hestitation. POW BABY.

sufficed to say that we were gentle this time; nothing at all like the fuck-fests we're used to having... Kind boring whole missionary thing *sigh*
Oh well, it got me off (finally), got him off... Felt good, wanna do it again.

Pain? Residual Pain? Why yes, glad you asked. I won't tell husband though in case I want more... Shit, I am such a glutton for punishment. I can already feel the pressure building....

Tease For tomorrow people... Be there.

Can you feel it too?

Today, today, today…. What is it about today that puts me in this overly excited state?

Could it be it’s the wardrobe and the attention it’s pulling? Apparently there’s just something about a plaid wool, pleated skirt and white cotton dress shirt that gets the male population around here in a tizzy. So many men with catholic school-girl fantasies I swear; that and the glasses are a nice touch. Part naughty school girl, part naughty school girl teacher…. I’ll let them decide.
Somebody gave me shit for wearing a slip yesterday, since this skirt is thick and woolen I decide not to adorn one today. Which is a pisser, because now I am scratchy… but it makes for an interesting distraction for the men in my office to watch me lift skirtage a tad and appease the annoying itch on my upper thigh.

Maybe the re-affirmation that somebody is out there, feeling the way I do. You know who you are and what you want. Stop denying yourself... I'll be there soon, warm it up. IF you don't we'll have to skip the hot tub and move directly into the woods... kids or no kids... spouses or no spouses. Capiche?


Or perhaps my health?
Is it the fact that I feel 100% recovered from surgery, and absolutely alright enough to take something on…. Wish husband would comply; he still insists that I should hold on for two more weeks until I get a go ahead from my doctor. Dammit, why is he always looking out for me like that? He did tease a little last night, engaging me in some fantastic foreplay and then providing a little finger stimulation. Ahhhhh. Alas, it was not enough to appease me though. Reluctantly I accepted the mini orgasm and tucked myself in to bed.

I am almost sure it was that fucking dream though.
I had a very vivid enticing dream last night. So erotic and wonderful…
My partner in this dream is somebody I am familiar with, not overly familiar… but friendly. I have never met him face to face, but have seen him… observed him… notated likes and some dislikes. This knowledge made for a great visual and sexual assumption, therefore creating this pseudo-scenario of orgasmic proportions in my nocturnal slumber.

I awoke at 1:30 in the AM to wipe away the sweat, ask myself “what the fuck was that about?” and indulge in some midnight masturbation. Absolutely necessary.
Today, I feel excellent having had an adequate orgasm… and perhaps even a pre-meditated plan if I ever have the chance to meet him face to face.

*ahem*

The moment you've all been waiting for?

I added the question mark because I'm despondent. I mean really, you would think it would be a snap to write the rest of tease. However, I am having difficulty because you see it was a total sexual mind bender, and to write it is to re-live it.

I really need to get some... I am desperate and I have 2 more weeks to go.

Since not only did you have so much enlightening penis feedback, but you earned a gold star on waiting patiently for the grand finale of our dinner at the red heads house... I have decided to post what I have instead of making you wait even longer.
Call it a thank you of sorts.

It's kind of ironic that I named the event "Tease"; in reality it really has been even though my intentions were not to make you wait so long.

Without getting your hopes up and abandoning your literary sexual desires, I will tell you that I could not finish tonight. Work was insane, and I found myself using my spare time in other ways... For this I apologize. But, I must say that what I have written is more than enough to keep you until tomorrow... More than enough.

If you like to scroll through my archives, please do. I have posted Tease Three after the others in the series. If your finger is lazy then find yourself here, at the next installment of our dinner.

Tease Three

(I also fixed the Tease Too link in the last post, if you need a refresher on the last episode.)

I will most likely not be able to post the end tomorrow, but Friday is looking sweet for some blogging time...

If anyone would like to donate to the EN Needs Sex fund, please do so by comment or email. Include a skill or trade you've perfected and follow it up with one reason why you feel it is essential to donate your services to me.Your generousness will be greatly appreciated.

Vacationing tease of the p-word

Funny how when I mentioned the red head, so many of you spoke up about me finishing "tease", it's in the works I assure you. As soon as I am finished downloading these thoughts I will work on it into the night. Hopefully, ready to post by tomorrow.

Of course there is no need for me to review what I have already written, since I lived it... But just in case some of you need a refresher; I have posted the first two chapters for you.

Tease
Tease Two

Today was a day to re-socialize.
For quite some time now I have been engulfed in personal events, otherwise called "time zappers." I am sure all of you can relate to my grief at not only the challenges I have faced, but of the chapters still needed to be closed. I have been able to close some issues to almost finality; this means more time to write and keep in touch with you.

One thing in particular I focused on today was re-entering my blogosphere and emailing friends. Of course besides working dilligently, which I absolutely did do today!
To the ones I was able to contact... Thanks, I needed that.
To the ones I was not able to contact today... where the fuck are you?

One person imparticular perplexed me, I tried all day but to no avail. Then I got sneaky and turned stalker-mode; put in a call to the persons work number only to find out they're on vacation. Fucker. Thanks for telling me.
God damn it, get your head out of your vacationing ass and email me... I want to talk about the spare bedroom and the roof deck.

HEY! I was so proud of the feedback I got on the penis question. Though I think some of you would still have some great comments on this; the question was:

What do you think it would be like to have a penis?/ Or, what would you do with it if you had one? For the ladies.
What is it like to have one? What's the best/least part? For the guys.

I still hold to the fact that I would like to have one for a day, so I could do all sorts of neat things with it... and getting a hard-on would be really fucking cool.
I would show everyone...

You guys need to show that shit off more often anyway, believe it or not we receive it as a compliment. Most of the time anyway.

Eye twitch: What kind of ass hole schedules an Elementary School open house the same night of the season premiere of Survivor?

As an ending note to this post: I decided last night not to avoid the person I am. I decided not to think celibate... because it sucks.

I would like some sexual attention, even if it teeters on my control factor; I know husband would not complain. Goddammit I am not repressing me.

I think I will just go with it and see what happens... what's the worst thing? I can undo what was done? No actually I can't. Worse than a little extra pain is the craving I have for fufillment and challenge in the physical arena of my psyche; thinking about it, being talked to about it... it just plain frustrates me to blow it off. Especially if I like being naughty in the first place.

As a fall-back though: Lest I forget that even though I cannot receive the satisfaction I need, my husband can. I shall appease if only to please him. I give good job and I should not let my skills go rusty.

Besides, all this talk of cock and balls has really pushed me over the top. I can actually almost taste it as I think about it. ahem.

And now I have to re-live the newest chapter of my sexual awakening to present it (wrapped with a bow) to all of you horny people out there. I love you.

If that doesn't blow celebate thought out the water I don't know what will...

By the way

My phone rang at 8:50 in the pm. It was red head.

There's a Halloween party to attend to.

Should be a corker.

Viewing Garbage

In my vein attempt to re-direct my perverted mind I have decided (reluctantly) to pay more attention to the variety of television garbage: i.e. re-runs and bad reality tv. Being that it is just before the onset of season premieres (most of them being this week), we are fed "fillers" to tie us over. Of course there are some exceptions to this rule; football, the daily show, The first 48. Don't forget Cold case files (A&E).

I used to be into the whole re-decorating show thing on the home tv network, but that turned costly and redundant as I ran out of rooms to fix up.

I look really fucking hot covered in saw dust strewn about by the compound miter saw... Even better covered in paint...
I'll let you go on with that thought.

Yes, I'm waiting.... Wanna borrow my gigi?

Anyway.
I am anticipating the re-birth of my shows in this 05-06 season.
CSI of course; I only watch Las Vegas and New York though... Miami makes me grit my teeth. Normally I have the whole thing figured out in the first 5 minutes of the shows. Then I tell my husband all about who did it and why... he gets upset... blah blah blah.

What's scary is that I am rather erilie familiar with the crime scene forensics. Of course you know a real crime scene is nothing like that... and never do the forensic technicians ever solve a case.
In the past I dabbled a little in the art of forensics and crime scene documentation, so I am a little familiar with what they're doing (plus I have lots of manuals and forensic guides).

It's an interesting and bearly tolerable profession... if I had a choice I would be doing it right now. But family is most important and the late nights, missed birthdays and anniversaries does not bode well with my life plan. But it's morbid that I read and re-read my manuals and guides over and over again to stay fresh.
What's even more morbid is the fact that I knew approximately how long my grandfather had been dead before I said good-bye to him that morning... because he had already hit riggor.

Good. My boner's gone.

Next show on the agenda? Survivor. Yes, I am a survivor fan... but it's not to watch Jeff Probst, believe me. I have watched almost every season like a bad religion; it is the only reality television show I can still accomodate and enjoy (without guilt).

I must admit though, I choked and gagged throughout the whole Rob and Amber season... and almost stopped watching. BARF.

Something about them making googlie-eyes at each other all season just spoiled the whole show. Listen, if I wanted to watch love connection, I turn the channel to Nick at Nite and dig-on old Chuck Woolery.

No, I watch Survivor for it's competitive sport, grouchy people, and idiots...
Like Ian for example last season, who pussied-out and gave up his spot in the final two for Katies friendship. Give me a fucking break... what were you thinking man?!? I mean, come on, did Katie call you after the show? Did she?
Was it worth it? Did you get some for that or what?
My money says he didn't, and he's back to training dolphins.
Anyway... it was a major downer and I almost killed my dammit doll because of it.

Truly, it is interesting to see what happens to a group of diverse semi/normal people deprived of food, water, and resources... stuck with no interruption together. Cat fights and alpha males, that's what. Dig it.

And then of course there is the new season of The First 48. This is my all time favorite. If Tivo were to miss this one I would fucking hammer the holy living hell out of it with a pick axe. If any of you have a chance to catch this one, and are not afraid of a little major reality, by all means check it out.
I personally make time to watch this. It's my thing.

On another note, a couple of people have asked about the type of surgery I had. I'm not telling you exactly...

But I will re-affirm the fact that I did not get lip collagen, breast implants, butt implants or botox... and definetly not a sex change, I happen to like my vagina (and so do a couple of others). Although, I wonder what it's like to have a dick. That would be really cool to find out.

In lieu of having one, I am asking my beloved male readers to explain what it's like to have a penis. Don't be shy... we know you like to talk about it.

For the women readers, I know what it's like when we get one.. but what do you think it's like to have one?

It should be interesting to hear what you come up with on this one... come up with?!?!?
Get it!?!?!?
I slay me.

Dammit, now I've gone and gotten myself all hot and bothered again.

So I bit a hole in my lip

Many in fact. Biting my lip has become quite aper-po for what I am experiencing mentally lately. It's the only way to fight the urge.

Being that my brain is over worked from this new job-thing, I find myself wanting to come home and cut loose. Perhaps wine, perhaps time with family, perhaps bedroom time with husband? Yes?

No.

The first two evenings after work, I hit herendous traffic accidents which held me up for quite some time. Being a 25 minute commute, I would have never thought I would sit in traffic for 3 and a half hours. Fuck.
The other evenings I found myself intangled in and intricate web devised by my children... called "let's get a pet." I thought for sure the hamster would hold them over on that one for awhile. Not that I don't think they deserve one... It's just a tremendous time and energy zapper trying to ship a dog from the other side of the US because that's the one they wanted.

Wine I cannot have, due to the painkillers I still have to pop occassionally due to lingering side effects of the surgery. I went back to work too soon. Spank me... please?

Which brings me to my next frustration... sex. I want it, can't have it, I want to mame something most hastily. Have you ever seen that 40 days and 4o nights? Yep, that's me in a nutshell. Feel my pain:

My next submission is due in two weeks; as you know this requires for me to think about sex. Normally, I like to fuck like mad when I write... for material sake, you know? Of course you do. At this point, I am worried that I will have to break the rules a bit and just do it anyway. On top of this issue, I am dealing with my irrisistable husband as well.

I am noticing how good my husband smells at night when he goes to bed.
I am smacking myself in the forhead every time I see him naked.
I am trying not to allow long passionate kisses, though I always give in anyway.
He talks dirty to me in my ear and makes references all day; in fun I'm sure because he knows it drives me crazy. Then I have to move furniture or watch football instead... or I run.

What's a girl to do? Do it anyway? I can't.
I wonder if oral would work...
*bling! (lightbulb)*

Have to go.

Rest..

I didn't realize that I had left you hanging so long.

But then it doesn't really seem like it's been four days since I have written. As you can imagine, so much has happened that there's barely time to catch my breath, much less type.

Recovery from surgery is okay... I'm still a little on the slow side (and not just because of the pain killers). The no heavy lifting thing is a bother... Even worse is the no strenuous activity (i.e. sexual intercourse).

I am being punished, restricted, grounded... Whatever. I was just trying to better my health, instead I get the worse "nix" of all.

It makes me wonder what the next 4 weeks will be like. Scary.

As far as my loss goes, I still continue to think about him. But, every night I get more and more sleep; that's a definite blessing. You would think I could rise above the doldrums and get on with it; I do, until I turn on the t.v.
Katrina, katrina, katrina... What a morbid web you've woven.

Have to think that the victims of Katrina could have turned this into a positive; like another 9/11... But no. Instead of capturing the community and working together as a whole; supporting each other and helping each other:
They have chosen to loot, rape, kill, abandon... And destroy.
I cry for the good victims... And don't even get me started on my government.

ENOUGH.

On a more positive note, I started work yesterday. Love my job, love my office even more. Adore the new computer with flat screen monitor. Haw haw old job... Eat my ass!
Makes me relish the thought that one particular ex co-worker is still sitting in her shit (not you serenity). I'm such a bad-ass right now.

So yeah, I dig it... Although it's not cake... Lots of fucking mental masturbation I tell ya. I've only been there for two days and everyone seems to think I have been there for two weeks. Definitely the kind of position that exercises independent judgment... Harrumph.


I will learn a lot.
I will be kept busy.
I will be challenged.
I will kick ass.

Okay, I will not- Sleep with my boss (no way), Sleep with his wife (k, maybe), take naked pictures of myself in my office (sorry Murph), throw garbage in the recycle bin and vice-versa... Yeah. I'm square.

I realize that I have a few unfinished projects on my blog. A lot of readers are still frothing at the mouth for more Don't Ask and Tease. As soon as I can auto-pilot my job I will conquer all of them to completion...

Which at the rate I'm going, could be any day now.

Sleepy time... g'night.

Attick Drowsy

I have no doubt there will be typo's in this post. Bear with me... I am the pain killer queen. Actually, scratch that... I am due for one, and in alot of pain.
I guess that would make me the Queen of Pain.
Whatever, life goes on.

I spent the last 24 hours sleeping, mostly. With the exception of a few freakish awakenings... the drugs have served their purpose. I had not slept most of the last week, and with the surgery being successful, I was back at home and in dreamland.

Here is an irony for you: If the Hospital is some where you go to heal and rest when you're wounded, then why is it that those fucking hospital beds are so god damn uncomfortable? Am I the only person that realizes this? I find it ironic that I can sleep better at home on my couch than in that sterile/stiff hospital environment.
Another irony: My Grandfathers funeral was the same day as my fathers birthday. Uh-huh. Interestingly enough, my fathers displeasure that his birthday was hampered by a funeral only firmed up the fact that the person he was when I was younger, is the same person he is today... selfish. And this behavior ultimately is what drove me to see my grandfather as my father figure in the first place. Again, we have come full circle.

Thinking back I realize that the saying "Women often marry men like their fathers" rings true. My first marriage was to a man exactly like my father; that didn't work out... My second marriage I married someone like my Grandfather; I have never been happier.

Enough about that though... I need rest. It comes quick and easy for me lately (thank god). I was beginning to wonder if I would ever sleep soundly again!
Now if I could only do something about the dreams... yes the drug induced halucina-dreams of dogs and monkeys in wheelbarrows. Or snakes with big red ruby eyes escaping from burlap bags...

I admit that in my bed rest time I have been able to catch-up on what you all have been up to the last week in my absence. Isn't it funny how when you step away from the blogosphere it almost feels like you've missed a months worth of emotional information from your readers? I admit that in the last week I have converted to introvert... but only for grief reasons. I have not changed one bit.

sleepy time.

Guess who's back?

How many of you smiled when you read that?

Did you smile as wide as I did when I read your comments and emails? Probably not. I want to say how touching it is to have such wonderful friends and readers... Thank you, thank you for your kind words and support.

I am not sure when the next time I post will be since I will be going into surgery tomorrow morning (It's been one hell of a week). Nothing major, but nothing minor either... AND NO it is not for breast implants. :)

But HEY! I got a job! Yeah, that was like, the only cool part. I found out Friday evening that I was accepted for this really great fucking job. So the whole family was like freaking out and celebrating the financial upswing. I think I even did the jig in the kitchen. I went to bed Friday night feeling like a million bucks. Unfortunately, it was Saturday morning, first thing when i Got the call.
The rest is history.


So I attended my first family funeral today. I had been to funerals for friends, but never a family member. It's tough.

I was asked to write a eulogy for the service; in lieu of a minister, viewing and funeral; we had only a small gravesite service... close immediate family. The weather was beautiful, and there sat the crow in the tree...

It really has been a difficult week, and I am glad it is behind me. Onward to a new chapter... Tomorrow. ugh. Since I am to be on bed rest for awhile, and probably on some really interesting narcotics; I see no reason not to write... and catch up on what you all have been up to!

The narcotics should make the comments sections quite interesting, as if you needed narcotics to find them so.

Again, thanks to those of you that sent well wishes... I'll take those hugs now!
*ahem*

See you on the other side!