Ladies Night

I am drinking tonight. FYI.
-and-
I will be working dilligently on a tat for the lovely Miss Innocent, but I want to give you something to take you through the weekend since I'll well, I'm a giver.

There was some dispute in my comments section yesterday, and it appears as though Madame and I are having an East/West coast turf war thing about 'fingers'.

Apparently people on the West Coast give hearing impaired fuck off differently...

Everything nice said... I think he was checking out somebody else tho... Im wearing pants. Hey, this is my favorite finger.

Madame X said... WTF?!?!?!See now that's not the NY finger!

Everything nice said...What?!?!? What's the NY finger? This is the EMMA FINGER... I got big knuckles.

thomcat_13 said... *muffled voice*what did you say madame ?

Madame X said... NO no we make more of a fist with the thumb down

thomcat_13 said... what the shit is the new york finger ?

Everything nice said... OH so now it's an east coast west coast thing huh?!?! Wanna have a little territorial west side story type rumble then?

Madame X said... bend over Thom and I'll show you!

thomcat_13 said... i already know what my emma finger(s) are ....um ... ok madame ... but i see much better with the eyes on my face

Madame X said... CHICK FIGHT?!ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY!

Everything nice said... The thumb is meant to taint tickle actually... For the women it's for six-pack grip.Seriously, I think you need to post your NY finger, and I'll post my errr West Coast finger...we'll brawl.

Madame X said... You're on Chica!When?Hmmm?When you we throw down?

thomcat_13 said... oh yeah ?well, i can post my middle leg ... west coast style ...

Everything nice said... Uhh. see now you're just talking in tongues madame!

thomcat_13 said...
that'll be a cock fight ...

Everything nice said...
It's the finger, isn't it... sheesh. I like you all riled and confused though... makes for a good fight.Thom - err I DARE you!

Madame X said... know!I'm wrecked!OK I'll post my east coast finger tomorrowThom send me a pic of your middle leg and we're all good!

So here's mine, courtesy of my office cam. And no, I'm not strippin for any of you fuckers at work so get bent about that.

I think the middle finger greeting is more a "trained" thing.
I mean, where did you first start to use your middle finger, and who taught you? Ever think of that?
'Bird' style can't be genetic, can it? Well, I did learn from my dad.... so, maybe it is?!?!??!

Regardless, if ya wanna tell me how many friends you had after your dog died it makes no difference to me how you do it.

Tonight and (Saturday) is all about the ladies out there that rock my fucking world. Really I'm captivated how wonderful you gals are, and so unique in your own way. I mean to say, no two of you are the same... and you all have your perks absolutely... It's like a box of chocolates almost...*happy forrest gump thought*

If only I were bi, I would just... just... *smirk*
Well actually I am 'single' right now and uhhh *kicking dirt* so... whatcha doin tonight?

Anyway, this post is for all of you... healing, sad, happy, ailing, angry, horny and completely twisted. Some of y'all ladies just need a tittie jigglin' laugh!!! It's brought to us by the wonderful Pearl of Wedding Party fame, who is putting it just about as verbose as it's gonna get.

Big cheers to ya, sexy bitches... i bow down to your hotness, and god damnit every one else should too.

SING IT GIRLS!!!
(sung to the tune of I will Survive)

At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died!
But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long,
Then I grew strong,
And I knew that I could take you on...

But there you are, another lie,
I was ready for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French Fry!
I should have known it was bullshit,
just a sad pathetic dream,
Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those jeans!

Go on now - go,
walk out the door,
Don 't you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4!
Weren't you a brat to think
I wouldn't find you out!?
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count??!!

[Chorus]
I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries, My sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex, with a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive! .
Hey! Hey!

It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud!
But to hell with your ego and to hell with all your needs,
Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multispeed!

[Chorus]
I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries, My sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex, With a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive!
Hey! Hey!

(loud applause)

The big three F's

I still think that should be Football ,Fucking, and Fishing.

So today an inspiration was born into my head and I realized the outline for my next submission. Normally I know I've found it when my brain begins to gyrate in every direction but forward.

It's funny how a writers inspiration is born and kept up actually... But once it's sparked, normally there's no stopping it, and the smallest things can remind and jolt the authors creativity level...

it's either that or distraction... but..that would be a post all in it's own.

Anyway...
I think of nothing but building the story once that seed is planted.
Characters, motive, goal, plot, sub-plot... Environment and how it plays into the chapters? And then it comes together in pieces in my mind and I don't shake it until I use it once... (or twice depending), and can get it down on paper - or- err. Yeah, paper.

So, I'm sitting here at 8:50 and I've got all these different players and positions bouncing off my thought-walls I can barely see straight.

I need to get this out of my head people, it's driving me... my libido is maxed and red-lined right now and well, I gotta purge this before it's unhealthy.

really.
badly.

This weekend is a full weekend for me. I need to write this out. As well I promised Miss Innocent a tat, and it's not finished. I need to finish that. As well, Dan needs something I haven't gotten to him yet and well.. jesus I got a full list of stuff huh?

I'll be out. Unreachable, pretend-fucking my keyboard.. I'll be sure to wash my hands.

But this is FRIDAY! And I need you to keep me grounded people. If we're gonna talk about anything today, don't let it be any of the following topics:

me dominating you,
you dominating me,
me sucking you,
people sucking each other,
licking,
kissing,
rim jobbing,
anal sex,
double penetration,
voyuerism,
or light bondage...

because that would really throw me over the edge for sure.

Jesus, now that really doesn't leave much does it? Alright fine, fine... talk about all these things, but don't mind me sitting in the corner with the tube of lube, okay? Good good.

K, I need to go fuck my husband, you guys and gals stay real.

Fuk-d HNT

Feel meh for a minute herre.

Talked to my mother tonight.
She asked questions about what happened Saturday night, whats going on, why did she call you that? what's that place she was talking about? why is your father so upset with you?...

I told her.
I told her I'm bi.
I told her I write erotica and other stuff
I told her 'things'.

Preparing for her to go totally ape shit was redundant because well, it's my mom and she's gonna go ape shit over the weirdest things anyway, so my defense would never be ready for her offense.

So. I sat in silence... waiting... waiting... waiting. While she did her "Hmmms and I see's"

But nothing prepared me for her reaction.
.
.
.
"Well, why can't I read some of your stuff!?!?!"
"umm. What did you say?"
"I would love to read it, god yes.. I'd love some new material!"

*silence looms due to my shock and horror, but relief*

"Did you just say you wanted to read some of my stuff?"
"Are you kidding? Of course I do! I'm getting bored with my video!"

*** uh-huh.***

Discussing with a co-worker all the wordly ways of dress wearing in the workplace and why it sucks... and why women should never wear black bra's under white shirts!!! What's the fascination with that? Somebody clue me in because I just don't see it working for me. Please, no black undergarments under white (unless it's a bikini)!!

Jesus! As if it wasn't bad enough with the black panties under the white stretch pants!!! Somebody kill me already over just flashing on that terrible visual in my mind.

These rules apply to all ladies... Especially if they're accountants. Anyway, we were discussing and i was feeling glad I wasn't breaking any company policy by my tat showing...

When my boss walks in and takes one look at my arm. And the tat he'd never seen before (because it's always covered). Yes, he looks... goes to say something, looks again... *blank stare at me* and.... and....

He decides to take two days off. PERK. Holy shit, how cool is that?!?!?

***uh-huh***

Bitching about wanting some spending money for the weekend when I found $142.oo in cash in an old purse. How rediculous is it that I could lose that and not miss it? That's a lot of money in my pocket... at least three new toys worth.

***uh-huh***

I emailed J today. Hoping for a fishing trip out on the boat now that it's spring time. Could use a good fish on. And well, I was feeling a little lucky about some things. My best times inside myself are when I fish. I laugh, and drink and do stupid shit when I fish. I have not a care in the world when I fish except getting a fish on. And it's the biggest deal in the world to me.

Everytime it's sunny and calm here I itch to cast. I think there's something wrong with that, like a tourettes syndrome. Sad really. I wane and pout between football season and fishing season... So, I in keeping with the good tradition of the day, I am looking forward to the next couple weekends of girls-gone-wild-gone-bad fishing with the ladies.

Staying in the present tho.

For today I'll just be glad these little blessings happened. And know that tomorrow is another day... just like I always do. But I do admit I'm totally focused on the now. Because...

I wanna wear a shirt three sizes too big for me and order room service *sigh* right now.

But instead, I'm wearing this one... the skirt is always negotiable.

Happy HNT sexy fuckers.



If you want to learn more about HNT, click on the rolling box and talk to my big sweet HNT daddy, Osbasso!
*************

Breaking the Boy

***First and foremost I'd like to give a special thanks to Dr.K, but more importantly I would like to thank my therapy partner. Poor bastard. ***

Three days ago I couldn't formulate any happy thoughts because my world was all about shit, and getting shit on. When that happens I do either of two things... blurt and repress, or stifle and repress.
Depending on the remnant impact of myself and anybody involved is really the deciding factor on the blurt/stifle 'switch'.

But I do repress, hooo boy I do repress like a mother fucker. So.
Built up tension aggression and a sex drive that's at a steady idle with no right pedal... Big trouble in little Emma.

Last night I talked to Shawn, who was sitting with Dr. K. Apparently the issues between my blessed editor and I could not go without counseling, and what better person than the elusive Dr. K to bless us. Unbelievably this man is extrememly gifted in the ways of psyche, and I don't doubt for a minute that the fucker has awards pinned to his cork board. But with this one, you have to have an understanding for the strange.
So yeah, therapy.
I cannot begin to explain the conversation since everything the good Dr. says cannot be interpreted by a layman. Let's just say it was kinda fucked up in 'great fucking idea' sort of way and we'll carry on with the story.

"Perhaps its a fear of her ego rising above yours Shawn, have you ever dealt with authoritative repugnancy?"

"Pregnancy? No, i don't worry about that with her."

*emma eye roll* "Repugnancy Shawn jesus... Doc are you saying he thinks I boss him around and he doesn't like that? Tell him I don't Shawn."

The doctor laughed "No my dear, I'm saying that I think Shawn values you very much and sometimes you demand much from each other, but it's your demands that also excite his monkey mind into fallacies of minimal self esteem. I think you need to consider your roles in your frienship and companionship."

"Okay, I'm not married to her... and you know this."

"No shit fuckstick. Thanks for pointing that out as if the Dr. didn't know."

*long pause*

"I suppose what I was trying to achieve by saying that is that instead of adapting to your struggles on a daily basis, the two of you decide who really is the alpha-male. I think this too will aid our friend here in some comfort with authority and taking it constructively."

"okay, that's kinda fucked up... because he's not my boss... I just work for the guy... I don't wanna be his alpha male."

"No fucking shit, I'M the alpha male."

"Did you sense that Shawn was not only offended by that statement but that he defied you taking the upper hand on the response?"

"I need to be high right now because this makes no sense."

Anyway, the conversation went on just as maddening. Forty-five minutes (and two bowls) later we came to the understanding that good therapy for the both of us would be to finally conquer some of our fears, inner turmoil, and frustration. Experience new things, feed the repression a little... errrr.

So.. the prescription?

I got to dominate Shawn. Yes. I did.

So this afternoon I left the office with my gym bag and headed for 'the place'. During the day 'the place' is pretty darn near empty, and it's easy to find a free room to let things fly (so to speak). I was welcomed as I arrived by one of the owners and given a free drink of choice. I did a shot of Jaeger with a pepsi/151 backer and I was good. For the record, I hate Jaegger... I can only shoot it cold.

Little buzz came on while changing out of the business work attire and into my dress, panties, and stockings. My boots... I grabbed my little whip, gloves, feather, realized I didn't have my paddle... so I click.click.clicked out into the empty bar room and asked to borrow Todds.

25 minutes later I was in a room with Dr.K and Shawn. And shit was fast and furious.

Lets get something straight though. This therapy did not include me sleeping with him, putting my lips or hands anywhere near him except to induce consensual pain.... It was not like that, it was meant to be the tease of all teases for Shawn, and his first experience in the fold of BDSM.

Fucking awesome he chose me to break his cherry on that. I feel that much closer to you buddy (please say you showered).

So, as Dr. K's soothing voice rattled around in my soul like a ping-pong ball "Do you have something to say to him Emma?"
"Let yourself go and express the knot."
"I don't think Shawn understands the consequences of defiance. Make him comfortable"

make him comfortable... make him comfortable....

I'm standing there, belting out such profanities as "Yeah, you like that bitch? Do ya?... FUCK YOU you don't like it enough!" and the classic "I want you on your knees NOW little boy, I will fuck you up... and don't think I won't do it...." or even "DOWN I said, head DOWN... You want some of this fucker?" I spanked his ass with my velvet glove and struck him numberous times about the body with my paddle.

I dragged the very tips of my whip across his nose until he wanted to sneeze and then pulled his head back tight to keep him from doing it. I dug my heel in his stomach, I pulled on his nipple piercings until he screamed. I traced the outline of his manhood with one finger, but never gave him the pleasure of any skin on skin connection. I whispered dirty in his ear and then told him to fuck off and bend over as I twisted his earlobe almost clean off until he complied with me.

For me? Great fucking therapy.

And as I watched the pleasure exude from his blindfolded face, and heard the muffled climax from his taped mouth I witnessed a poor broken man that loved what he just had coming to him... I could tell he liked the therapy as well (if not more than I did).

I felt golden.

I felt refreshed.
I felt like making somebody feel like dog shit for my own sexual and emotional pleasure was something I should do every Tuesday.

Music and Anal emotional temperatures

I hate Daniel Bedingfield for that song.
I hate my ipod for throwing out that fucking song to poison my mind at 7am while I'm trying to road rage.
I swear, it's Impossible for a man to love a woman like that.
No, really, come on... you have to admit that if a man ever wrote you shit like this, or even said it...
first you'd say "what the FUCK?" Hmmm. seriously emotional and pussy whipped that one.
No man could feel that way about somebody... never. Emotionally impossible.
You tell me guys, would you or could you ever identify thinking all these things about somebody in your life... Hmmm?

NO, don't listen to your dick... just for 5 minutes and gimme an answer.

The song makes me ill. It will be deleted from the library faster than you can say "sphinkterboy."

Sassinak, holy hairy nuggets honey. Your post really got me. Right here ----> It's so indicative of bits and pieces that I care not to go into detail on. But still... I'm a fucking mess!! Mascara running!! Raccoon eyes!!! Jesus!! You tear me apart with 12 paragraphs and no education on how fucked up I am or my situation is... but still, you nail it. The cosmos is indeed strange, indeed.

So, Graceland is now a national monument... wasn't it anyway? Ask any baby boomer and they'll repeat the same question. Anything we can do for the good name of Elvis that will wipe away any lingering aftermath of him dying on the freakin toilet will do fine.... really.
Jesus Graceland SHOULD become a national monument, why not? Fucking thing has it's own zip code like the IRS... Hmmm. I hear Neverland is bucking for a petition as well... but he can't get any signers over legal age.

***
Talking to Blondie this afternoon when she said something that made me just about split my side.... She said "What is it with men taking their emotional temperature every 5 minutes?" To that, I added "anally." That was a hoot, and so I have to ask... Is it?

Is it a metrosexual thing to be like that? To think so far inside yourself you get lost somewhere between "im here" and "oh shit, I think I'm having a moment?"

I think not, now that I've thunk about it. Because it seems no matter the man they have these moments... irritating.

Do men really need to have moments?!?!? NO. The only moment you should be having is in the bathroom with a fucking magazine, having a nice BM. If you guys wanna get all deep about how you're connecting, for chrissake do it there!!! Don't bring that shit to me! Im female, I have enough issues with MY internal conflict...
You're the rock. Be the rock. Be one with the rock. Be hard as a rock whenever possible.

Follow that rule and nobody gets hurt.

Does the song 'You Suck' by the Murmurs tickle you as much as it tickles me right now?
What a great song for a 'break up' of sorts... and my thoughts exactly. I love that shit. It was a tremendously satisfying moment when I heard that come on, and sang it aloud making a total fucking fool of myself. Lawyers don't like outbursts. They get tense.

Yeah, that was a 'connective' type deal, where time stopped as I listened and I said "perfect".

That experience was second only to the one song I never wanted to hear lately. And didn't realize just how much I didn't want to hear it until... I heard it. "Halah" by Mazzy Star.
Jesus what a fucked up, missing you type song. It's almost so painful it feels good.
And it was identifiable to many feelings im conflicted with in my darker recesses... that I simply cannot admit to nor do I want to discuss in this forum.

Wow. too deep. Moving on.

See, it isn't until I do these types of free-thought posts that I realize how much music influences and compliments my life. Everything great has always happened with music, and in music, and during music. And there was this one time... at band camp...(fucking great movie, all of em)

I've been around music all my life. I cant even begin to name some of my favorites... or start with the genre parade by artist... Let's just say... its been there. Music is a friend that doesnt disappoint, you make of it what you want from it and it gives back to you triple fold. Regardless of the issue you're dealing with and it's complexities, some how it will apply to that one special support part you needed the most, unconditionally and without anything back. No human person has that capacity, so I lean on the music... Harmony and me, are pretty good company.

So, as an end and a start to get back on track, I just want to say thanks for all the supportive emails and IM's and words again! jesus you guys have been supporting me an awful lot lately, I appreciate all of you...

You guys and gals are like the best bra I ever had... *sniff* lol, thanks sincerely.

err, now. Give me a little insight on guy moments... and then feel free to check out a couple of the songs above I hyper-linked for your viewing enjoyment.

This 'policy' you speak about can kiss my ass

Honesty is more effective than dishonest scheming.

-- Don Quixote

I've written and deleted this blog post about hmmmm... three times. I'm caught in a strong flux over whether I should be me and have it out on here, or just give cadence to my feelings and toss em like last months Forum.

...
I want the ass hat that derrived the term "Honesty is the best policy" in front of me, now, on his knees begging for mercy before I force my fist up his ass. Seriously, I want to mame the fucker that put those wheels into motion.
Because although I believe in such things... It's brought me nothing but trouble, and people seldom believe or listen any how.. so why bother if it just hurts instead of hinders.

Cue Friday night when yours truly was being thrown into a table, and rebounded to that with a quick right to a jawbone. Of a beautiful redhead I cared nothing more for but the best in everything. She fucked up though. She wanted the truth, so I gave her the truth... she deserved the truth... but yeah, like good ol' Jack Nicholsen said:

"You can't handle the truth." And she really didn't, at all.

Yes, it was a classic cat fight. With breaking furniture, fists flying and hurtful words exchanged in a public spectacle that would put Fight Club to shame, honestly... And my sarcastic ass had to remind her after she chucked the glass and hit a patron that a lawsuit was possible if she continued.. but not in so many kind words.

Was the fight justified or even necessary? Well, fuck yes.. Because I was being honest.
But somebody didn't send the memo to her that it's the best fucking policy.. and I got reamed for the one golden rule I believe in the most.

She didn't listen to me when I told her my true feelings, I didn't elude or deceive her. Yet I feel like the ass because instead of leading her on under false pretenses... I simply told her the truth from day one. I guess that was a picture she didn't want painted, and that's sad... because i've never ever laid my hand on a woman in contempt until then.

And I never will again.

But Reality check was necessary.. and after my sad exit and all the "what the fuck just happened's" I lost a good friend because I was.... ready?
Honest.

*** More over and just as frightening. It seems that sometimes the blackest and whitest sides of your life can indeed bleed over onto the others, and form a grey messy area. And it is never due on your own part, but instead by some cosmic ass-reaming in the form of something you have no control over whatsoever.

Que Saturday night family dinner. Sitting and chatting with both immediate and close family when somebody passes by the 'banquet room' that knows me from one of those places. Her lips start flapping and my face turns pale and before I know it, my father is already eye-locked and taking my freaking inventory.

After a quick shunning to the restroom for myself and my acquaintance, I had no choice but to return to the very silent, very confused table and say....

Nothing.
Why? Because god damnit honesty is the best policy, and I'm a fucked up liar because I simply don't do it enough. I stayed as hush as possible about it, even during the grilling I got by said father out in the parking lot soon after... But you can't really delve on matters of alternative living in the parking lot of the chinese place, nor can you take back the way you approached the scenario inside just a few moments ago.

People ask questions, people want to know something about you, or have faith that you are truthful and can be trusted. Understandable, you'll get nothing less from me.

I think there are so many deceiptful people out there that we tend to trust the fact that 'you' are lying unless it's proven otherwise by some sort of media or word of mouth.

I think it's sad that people hurt people. i think it's sad that people get so lonely they manifest a desirable scenario for themselves and then just 'set' you in there like a puppet on parade. I think also that it's sad there are so few of us out there being honest... that honest is lost in translation and the truth is so generic and boring that they strive and reach to pluck pieces out of every word from your mouth that my benefit their fantasy of what they seek to have from you. Even if you're saying otherwise. And I do say otherwise... you just don't want to hear that.

I'm not that person, or any of these people. I have lied to protect only some people very close to me... But the one thing I don't lie about is myself. Why? Any idea how much effort that involves? It's tiring and tedious. I'd rather just not have an attachment with people than mis-lead them from the beginning... honestly.

Let's say as a side note that sometimes, and in some ways, lying is necessary and we all have our own reasons for not speaking up or hiding some skeletons in our closets. I still accept my good friends that are not so truthful at times, because life dictates that we stumble or need in ways that lying is a nest for birds who quell their feathers. They deal with their own everyday, and I have been mentally molested in my day by many liars... only to finally break the feathered exterior to reassure them that I like their honest person much better.

But still here I sit, feeling like an ass... more so than some liars... because I chose to follow the baseline for everything I hold dear... which is honesty.
And whatever policy it was that ass-stick jabbered about being the 'best' apparently never got tackled by a fuming red head with a mission to gorge your eyeballs out because you called her bluff on shit she didn't want to absorb into her thick hot head in the first place.

God love those catty bitches, I feel sorry for any man that deals with that high maintenance bullshit. I would never act that pathetic... ever. If your girl throws shit at you, then you have my sympathy.. truly.

Therapy? Yes, I had some.

Today I drove. I drove very far. i drove to the beach. I drove to the pass. I drove to places I hadn't been in awhile. I just drove. Driving is good. I like driving.

Tomorrow I will drive again, to work, and pretend this weekend never happened. What the fuck kind of logic is that?!?!? No clue, but it will help me to sleep tonight.

I told you I had a fucked up weekend!!!!

The big comedown

I'm really hating this weekend. Just an FYI. I don't think I've had this much fucked up shit go wrong all at once in a long time.... But let's just say I'm feeling a little bit of every fucking emotion right now... and none of them are shiny happy.

That being said. I'm teetering on taking a long hiatus.

I dunno. Sometimes you want to run away, and sometimes you just want to stand taller, raise your arm in the air and give a big fuck you to the world.

I haven't decided which to do yet. But I've never been the girl that steps down and receeds when fighting the good fight is put before me. Never. Because of this, and my need to just keep on keeping on... things get skewed and messy. I start to yearn for things that I never needed before... like close friends to tell me it's alright, and a hug... hugs are good. Especially when the people you care most about care about you.

BUT. None of my close friends are close enough to hug. In fact, I feel caught in the wake of many people and reaching out to them is like trying to crawl through your monitor... Just doesn't work well.

You have to understand that sure, I have my peeps here. I can make a phone call and have somebody to talk to, or even to console me.... Not the issue. But, because of the 'world' I live in, these people also tend to mask themselves or be only half the people they really are. Why? I'm not sure... Perhaps because sexuality in whole is unacceptable socially. We can't just walk around in PVC and say we're normal... We can't tell you how wonderful the munch went last night over lunch with the other PTA moms.
And when we're together we do not discuss things like work, children, life goals and disappointments. We don't support each other in that way.

And what really is support anyway? And where the hell is it? Why can't you buy sympathy and comfort at the grocery store? That really sucks my right tit to feel like this because (no offense intended to any friend that reads this) but, my friends have their own issues in which I am being supportive and not the one to be supported. Some even have trouble formulating even HOW to comfort... what to do... what to say...

And you know what, that's alright with me as long as you don't run away when I'm like this. But understand that I'm only 24% there when you call for me and need my crutch. I think even if you didn't have the right things to say, to say anything at all would be enough. But I never expect this from anybody, nor do I feel compelled to think you're not genuine and you don't care because you can't touch me or feel like you can't make things better.

Anyway, it's 6 in the morning and I didn't sleep worth a shit and I'm just down right sad. Tears and all. And I know what would happen if I called anybody right now to try and extend my soul for TLC. Calling anybody would be for naught, because I would have expectations I guess.... I need genuine 'wow that's really fuckedupedness'.


Hmmm, re-reading this post sounds like a shallow cry for help but no, that's not really its intention. I think I just needed to vomit some raw emotion up in here.... *shrug* And it's disappointments and days like this when you say "well what the fuck, it's not like I'm gonna need to fufill any goals or directives longer than 6 months anyway. Just say good-bye and put yourself out of your misery."

But that message in your head is fleeting, and you realize that it's really not you to say or believe those things. How do I raise up from this momentary lapse of being alright?

A drive to my secret beach spot?
A drive to re-visit the plot and preparations I made a few weeks ago?
Ice cream?

No matter how much I try to grasp the fact that I cant get right, the more I sink. And without even one hand to hold, or one back to scratch, or any of the above to aid my depression today... I can only sit in my own mental stew. And say...

Fuck you world.

Eat me

(wuhell, that title caught your attention, didn't it?)

**ipod playlist on sidebar has been updated!!! And I added #5 below which had previously been forgotten... whoopsie! Thanks Sass!***

Today was a good day kinda.

I got to do some driving for work today, out to a rural area of our lovely state. After my rather umm colorful bi-lingual meeting, I drove a little slower on the way back. That and I wanted to take some time to remember how to say "FUCK" in Vietnamese. I'm pretty sure I got it though...

Driving through the reservations in our state can be a mess sometimes, and you forget how important our native Americans were to us. And how they're pigeon holed now, and the history it took to bring it to this point. Not just on one side of the fence, but the other as well.

I dunno, I'm native American and honestly besides the blessing and the 'gifts' I was given as a baby, I think I'm just like everyone else... I do get weird sometimes and I have a tendency to target forethought's... But then, lots of people do that. I think its called female.

I had a craving for flat bread. Instead, I took a picture of our volcano. Please enjoy it. Makes you feel so secure living next to it... Especially when they report seismic activity!!! Atleast the active one is 100 miles further away... *shrug*

You get tornadoes... We get volcanoes... Go figure.

**
Alright, on another note.. I'm hungry and it's FFF. I borrowed this question piece from Madame X, who is currently in NY enjoying her Cosmo. Thanks Madame.

please describe your favorite.... And why they're your favorite:

1. Cuisine. Chinese Food.

I know Chinese is not Chinese, but American Chinese does something for me. I like the consistency, variety, and vegetable usage. The sauces are perfect, and well... dammit I love the little boxes you can eat out of with chopsticks when you don't want to do dishes.

White rice, pork fried rice, assorted fried rice. I like rice. I like 2 star, but yet I can slam hot mustard like a champ. And yeah, we always strive to have mustard dares when we go out to eat Chinese food. I end up looking like the ass with mascara running because I was challenged to scoop and shove. I love hot mustard.

Mongolian Beef, Sweet and Sour pork, AHHH Lemon Chicken! omg... I think I just came.

2. Breakfast. Fruit (like fresh fruit in a bowl) and Crepes.

Love crepes. I eat like 20 of them to do a job 1 pancake can. Yeah, I know.. But crepes are thin, and fruit is filling, and you can moderate fairly easily.
Breakfast heaven for me? Yeah, plain crepes (lil powdered sugar and butter) with a fresh fruit bowl of cantaloupe, strawberries, grapes, and kiwi.

And some one to eat it with. NICE!

3. Dessert. Tiramisu.

I know, it's everyone's favorite... But I love it, would die for it, can't resist it... It's just a bad thing for me that fucking Tiramisu. It like, stares at you from the dessert shelf and says "eat me you bitch,... I can keep you spunky after that heavy meal you just ate. You just know you're gonna want to sleep.. Just do it. Eat me."

I do eat it. I eat it good too... I work that nasty dirty Tiramisu bitch... And then I lick the fork. I tear that shit up. I own the Tiramisu... like a pimp.

4. Place to eat lunch or dinner. Dick's. No, seriously.

You know, I'm not all about soaking a guy, girl, or even myself in the wallet for a good lunch. So I prefer to eat at Dick's. That's right, Dick's. Why?

Because Dick's is the place where the cool hang out, the SWASS like to play and the rich flaunt clout.

That's not the real reason, but that's why Sir-Mix-A lot likes to go. Anyway...

Dick's is a burger stand locally. Been here since the dawn of time and remains as old school, basic, and greasy as they were in the 50's. Dick's has the hands down greasiest burgers on the West Coast. I love it. I can take two cheeseburgers and a chocolate shake easily, and still go back.

Besides, really there's nothing more cool than being able to say "Hey, I'm gonna go get some Dick's for lunch". Or, "you want Dick's?" Then there was the inevitable "NO problem, I'm just in here eating some Dick's..." I would answer with when a co-worker needed me. *sigh*

Dicks, it's what's for lunch. (Holy shit people, now THAT's a t-shirt!)

5. Item to cook. Pies.

I love to cook pies. I bake good pies. And I don't go for that bullshit premade pie crust people. There's just something about preparing the crust to the perfec flaky consistancy... and getting that little bit of flour on your nose. My specialty is Strawberry - Rhubarb, but I make a kick ass pecan pie, and a close third... basic all american apple!

6. Person to eat dinner with. You?

Somebody that buys by the bottle, instead of the glass. HOLLA!

7. Hot-day treat. Ice Tea, beer holds a close second.

I make my own iced tea thanks, in the sun, happily waiting for an ice cube and a little umbrella.... UH! What's a mom without her kick ass iced tea skills huh?

Emma in the bikini top and cut off shorts with a pigtails and pitcher of sun tea.. "Boys? Are you thirsty?!?!?!"

It gets busy around our house in the summer time. Let's leave it at that.

***

I'm adding this as a last minute FFF 'shout out'.
I'm giving it out to those who have done something special for me this week (via pics and support) *giggle*. Also for those who aren't doing so well health wise, or have achieved a tremendous accomplishment for work (37-0)!!

Also for somebody that I would sooo like to actually be seeing this right now. I think it would make everything right with the world for just a little while.

HAPPY FFF people, rock out with your cock out, at least once for me... And take a picture while you're at it. Meanwhile, I'm gonna hang out with my wang out.

xx Emma.

Longview (HNT)

If you're here for the HNT, AWESOME!

This picture was one from the photo shoot I did a couple weeks ago. A portfolio of artistic shots showcasing curvatures and body dynamics.

I liked this one the best.
Thanks Shawn and KC for letting me use it!

Happy HNT!!!



If you want to learn more about HNT, click on the rolling box and talk to my big sweet HNT daddy, Osbasso!
*************

For those of you here for that 'other thing', please continue down. :)


Can I just say how much harder this is for me to umm.... Do this project on an HNT day? I mean, not only am I going to get my regular readers educated... but those who dare not want any more information than to see my nekkidness.!?!?!?

For those of you that are reading this post and have no clue what I'm talking about, please read yesterdays post or you'll be completely lost. In short, it was an editors challenge to his staff writer... and it was something I didn't really want to do.

BUT. I'm taking one for the team ladies. I'm doing this for the love of all you women that want to see Shawns piercing. Call me a team player, and a giver god damnit... and kiss me full-on with tongue. Because after this shit, I deserve it.

That and I guess it is somewhat researchish. *Shrug* Oh well.
Here it is my little devils. Here is every time I touched myself today.

Of course, some days are better than others.

Which means that some days I may be traveling, in meetings, or otherwise detained that I cannot just whip myself into a frenzy in a broom closet (and I've tried)... so, my sessions are far less those days. And on the contrary, there are days like today when I'm over stimulated and/or writing and I just have to 'need' a little more.

But, yeah.. I mean, I gotta do it... if I don't, everyone suffers a painful existance. Inluding myself.
Fact: When husband and I are having an argument, he actually asks me when the last time I had an orgasm was... and if I can't answer... we have to stop fighting and throw down, or, I get private time to myself. Yep.

K soooo... I'm trying to stretch this out, aren't I? *lol* K. Here goes nuttin':

7:17pm- Mental stimulus – writing/brainstorming; finger (3)

7:46pm- Mental stimulus – writing; finger (2)

8:24 pm – Visual stimulus – writing/brainstorming; iegg (4)

8:37pm – Visual stimulus – porn; vibrator (3)

9:49-10:14 pm – Mental stimulus – pre-party prep in shower; vibrator (3x1m )

12:12am – Visual/Direct stimulus – dancing; contact (1)

1:40am- Visual/Direct stimulus – Red; contact (6x2)

-nap-

3:20 – (wake up call) Mental stimulus – Dreaming; iegg (2x1m)
4:12 – same deal – fingers (1)

-nap-

5:15 am – Mental stimulus- Waking after dreaming; vibrator (4)

7:05 am – (empty office) Mental stimulus – writing prep and brainstorming; fingers (1)

9:20am – Mental stimulus – Breaktime after conversation; fingers (1)

11:47am – Visual/Mental stimulus – email; friction (1)

2:05pm – Mental stimulus – email; fingers (3)

3:24pm – Mental/Visual stimulus – email; friction (1)

4:42pm – Mental stimulus – stress relief; bullet (3)

5:35pm – (Daily download) Visual/Mental stimulus – stress relief; (6x1m)

6:47pm – Visual/Mental stimulus – after-kiddo’s to bed – porn, pre-writing prep (8x2)

*end at 7*

Yeah, so uhhh... there it is, in all it's glory fuckers. My day in a nutshell.

And no, I don't get exhausted and it doesn't stop and I never EVER feel completely satisfied. It sucks high ass and makes me really consider a harem of men and women to keep near me just to live off of and fuck all day because honestly, i read that back and am wondering if I got anything fucking done today!

Jesus. Well, be kind to me as I've put a little something out there to you. And god damnit I don't wanna hear about how I tried to beat off more because I knew I'd be writing it... If anything the last thing I wanted was to research somebody I'm not.
And further the last 24 hours were fucking inspirational for one reason or another... and reasons I cannot discuss nor will.

Enough. I'm done, it's over. I want my prize for playing fucker.

I can't hide my sexual life

(I fucking love that song... Everclear is the shit)

Okay. So this blog post will be about masturbation. Just a warning for you squeemish people. I was put up to write this post, and I'm a little strange about it because the goal is to be completely honest and non-judgemental about how, where, and when you do it, but also the frequency.

I know that you all know I masturbate... jesus. I mean, how can I not?
(shawn, I trust we can use this post for article incorporation because I'm not writing it twice)

*Sigh*

Today I'm sitting at a table with a good friend when he comments about something I had written the evening before on my blog.
"So, how many times did you get off while writing that story last night?"
"Umm, jesus I lost count. I dunno, honestly... a lot."
"Do you ever actually keep track of how much you masturbate?"

I had to laugh out-loud when he asked me that because honestly I had never heard of anybody trying to schedule and or track their masturbatory habits... "No way! Why would I want to do that? I'd think I'm a perv."

"Do you beat off enough to be considered a perv?"
"Do women really 'beat off'? They more like finger themselves."

He looked at me kinda stern and almost serious like "Are you a perv though Em? I mean, honestly, think about it... I'm not sure you beat off any more than any other person... Think about this and try to keep track of how much you masturbate... then we'll table it."

I'm left to sit and contemplate how much I fuck myself. He gets up and goes to leave but not before I errupted "Wait, what constitutes one full masturbation?"

The lady at the table across the way sneered at me for saying such repugnant things out loud in a public place. Whatever.

"Umm, no because I know you, and you cum multiple times during one session. A session constitutes a beginning, and an end. You actually have to put the vibrator or finger 'down'."

My reproach to him is somewhat stifled and embarrassed. "My masturbation is entirely personal and far to often to catalog for the masses."


Yeah people, I ante'd up...
because I really didn't want to go there about how often I'm touching myself instead of doing other things.
Besides, I have no problem with talking about fucking... but my need for sexual stimulation at all times leaves me in quite a tizzy when there's no warm desirable body next to me.

And that need for gratification happens often throughout the day. 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days a year... I'm open to myself like 7-11 and it's sad.

He just sneered and left me with hanging... "Then this should be quite the challenge for you then Emma... Because I'm daring you. Keep a journal for one day of when, where, and how you got off. If you add how many times you came I'll consider giving you an editoral piece for the next issue."

He said dare. My eyes saw red. I was compelled to prove something now. "Sounds more like beat off material for you then a theory piece on whether I'm a pervert."

"Yeah, but it's not really for me. It's for the public."

I shake my head a little... "The public cares not about how I beat off."

He sat back down and looked at me with that serious weird look again... "You know what, I often wonder what the hell a nympho does when she's not being satisfied... stimulated... used."

"USED!" I guffaw and think about spit spraying my coke in his face.

"You know what I meant. I mean... It's really a curiousity point for those who have a normal and inconsistant sex drive to feel that desire all the time. We want to know if it's bothersome, mind diffusing, tedious, time consuming.... irritating. Maybe even joyful."

I pondered, he stared... "We want to know if you have it worse off than we do or not."

"So then I should really be journaling any sexual activity or stimulation within 24 hours... not just masturbation."

"Yes, even better... do that."

And then he left, and I sat, and pouted and wondered what the hell I've gotten into posting my orgasms like a diary on public display to be ridiculed or snickered at. Sooooo... I suppose for the next 24 hours, starting right now (7pm), I keep a log of my ups and downs... and all arounds.

*sigh* and I feel weird about it. But it's for the love of those that I suppose are curious about the insides of somebody that needs sex to function like others need water for hydration.

I'm seeing this as one of those challenges us writers face in life to experience and learn things... then write about them for others to learn and experience. I'm chalking this up to reference... and I hope that umm. You will be kind and see this as a window of understanding opened and to please not be brutal.

That said.

Let's get this party started. Should be interesting to see what I cum up with by 7 tomorrow.

Tasting Nutty bars and Strawberries

Alright. I'm not denying that I always complain that I'm tremendously fucking busy... I complain about the shit a lot... A lot more than I should.

But I refrain apprehensively that urge to bitch about what I'm slacking on and kicking my own ass for not being 'on the ball' (snicker... Makes me think of this when I say that).

I'm going to write about a different challenge. A challenge that I had totall control over but didn't exercise restraint or patience... and henceforth, let's just say I'm really in a bad way now. Really like totally head up my ass territory here.

And as a pre-empt to that I'm going to begin with one sentence that should sum it all up:

I truly am my own worst fuckshop, and I love my Dad for reaffirming my juxtaposition.

Hmm. What the fuck does that mean exactly? Okay... Let's digress waaaayyy back and I'll tell explain exactly why this applies.

***
Day at work, normally stressful... I'm able to leave a little early to accomplish some work chores. I do work chores, I get home earlier than expected.... *snicker* Nobody's home yet... AWESOME!

It was a beautiful sunny and 50+ degree day here which necessitated I peel out of my work clothes and into a crop top and yoga pants. HUR-fucking-RAH my little love monkeys.... Spring is here!

But being that I was mostly naked in transition from changing....

and the house was quiet...

I had time to masturbate my way.
None of this 'hiding in the bathroom' bull shit... No no... This time Emma was doing it- and doing it right. Sprawled across the bed, sunlight through the shade hitting the body and giving it the warmness of another body (for fantasizing fucking rocks!), nice and slow and quiet and yeah.

*Sigh*

But fuckers that's not why I love my dad and I'm fairly pissed that I just threw up in my mouth a little with that fucked up digression I gave you.

***
After finishing, I decide I'm inspired to tackle a short story that's due like, tomorrow or errr today. fuck. Yeah, so I'm taking a quick shower and preparing to boot up the lap top when my phone rings:

"Hello"
"Hey sweetie, it's your father"
"Hi Dad! What's up?"
"You need to call me."
*silence*
"Dad, you uhh. You know you just called me right?"
"Yeah, but I need to know if you're gonna call me."
"Do I need to call you?"
"Yes."
*silence again*

"okay dad hang up"
"why? Is there something wrong with the connection? Can you hear me?"
*rubbing forehead and chuckling a little*
"NO dad, but you said I needed to call, so hang up and I'll call you back!"

"Nah, you don't need to do that."

Did the above conversation make ANY sense to you people? Is it just my head he was butt-loving.... Or am I fucked? Jesus. The long and the short of it was that he needed to stop by and see me... And it took all that fucking mindmelting to finally get him over with my stuff.

My stuff, my stuff my stuff my stuff.

***
Needless to say, I'm a little stoned. And it's not helping with my story. I'm drifting and totally too fucking entertained to recall what a dick feels like in my ass.... Honestly I think I'd giggle like a mother fucker if somebody even tried to approach me with lube right now.

And I'm hungry... For junk food... I could do it, but errr... Then I feel dirty. Not in the mood to be encrusting my body with sugar dirt. That would piss me off for certain and then I'd be laughing, but evil, and writing Gonzo instead.

Back to the point! I'll free write for a minute and give you an example:

The warmth and silkiness of the water encapsulated my body, bringing with it a tingling sensation as it extinguished the numbness of my bone-deep chill. I dipped my head into the stream and opened my mouth to drink from it, holding my tongue ...

*stop*

I need a coke. No, cocoa... Yeah. cocoa. Alright, with marshmallows.

(ten minutes later I return with hot chocolate on a 50+ sunny day)

...Under the pulse of the stream. Your hand presented itself on my back slowly, with only fingertips touching.... I surprised a bit, but knew our connection was inevitable. It was mere seconds until I turned to look at you and hope to meet with a kiss.
*stop*

Hersheys kiss. Right. I got that. And I'm fucking horny... God damnit maybe I can fit some of that in too again. Oooh and hersheys kisses with strawberries even! I could do a cap (Hersheys kiss stuffed inside a strawberry-- very yummy)!

(go check out uninterruption factor, is good... More masturbation.. Then chocolate then... then..)

Reaching for my collarbone, your fingers grasp tightly and pull me into you. My back connects with your chest; and as it does I can feel your hardness on my ass cheek. My head rests back against your shoulder, the water hits my body hard and emits a soft spray that...
*stop*

wow. See, now that's hot... wtf do I do now. hmmm. So many options (pondering for 30 minutes). *sigh*

Eventually my thoughts lead somewhere to the Banana Split Gang and singing the La La La song. Don't ask me how shower fucking goes to a 70's kids variety show, but it does. And before I know it I have my character fucking a large suited Dog looking mascot in the shower.

Just fucked. Dunno. But I'll be god damned if I can even think straight on shower sex at this point. Describing a blow job is just bad so I can't skip to that. Coitus for some reason sounds like a yoga position... and writing a self-help article about how your physical health affects your orgasm just makes me feel guilty while I'm chomping chocolate covered strawberries and Sara Lee Nutty Bars.
Hypocritical Even.

God damnit dad. God damnit Emma. God damnit sexy fucking guy in the shower with his dick in my ass while we're soaping. I have no idea what to do with any of you.... Honestly.

*pondering*

K, dad can go... He's forgiven.
But let's just leave Emma and hot shower guy where they're at... shall we?

Responsibilities suck big ass holes...

So why do I insist on adding more of them? I have NO fucking idea people... none.

Monday, Monday.

Don't you just Loooooove Mondays?!!?!

Shit, I do.

I'm sitting here looking at my blank blog screen right now knowing that I got nothin'.

Why do I have nothing? Because I suck.

Well that and I'm anxious to hear about my Spring portfolio... and whether I'll have a new 'position' for one of the rags I write for. Yeah, I've been secretly working on upping myself into an advocate position for this company. It will require a little bit more time investment so I'm left to ponder whether writing could be a career for me instead of a second job.

I'm pulling for this, and hoping I can readjust my schedule a bit to accomodate not only the stuff I am doing, but the stuff I'm pushing myself for. Thankfully I can put away some of the article work if I get this advocacy, so maybe not sooo much work but more like different work.

errr.

I should know by next week... and will be glad to do it happily... as well as juggle my 7-5 day job, as well as family, as well as my article piece work, as well as my book deal, as well as my health issues, JESUS CHRIST!!!

I need a personal assitant, any takers?

Send your resume's or tell me why you think you're qualified... I can't pay you in money, but we could work something out I'm sure.

For Madame and Impeccable Timing man

I lay here between the warm sheets,
..Caressing the folds of fabric as they gather playful around my naked body.
...I lie in waiting, I lie for something, I lay for your companionship.
....If only to own it for the most shallow of ticking seconds.

Something inside of me knows you feel my want right now.
..My acceptance of your proposal; comfort and satisfaction.
...Though it only took mere hours for me to secure this Sanskrit in my twisted noisy head.

The sun rises,
..Yet my fingers crawl upon the softness of linen and the firm plot of the mattress beneath me.
...I think of you,
....The sun crests loud along the horizon and burns my bloodshot retinas that perused the room in the light of dusk just moments before.

I am alone to experience such beauty, but because of the silence I am left to realize.

I realize that I am the light that burns your eyes.
I am the darkness that hovers in your empty corners.

I am a piece of you if only for this moment.
This time, this hour.
The clock ticks steadily like a metronome, echoing a melody of validity in my head.

It is in fact time for me to tell you.
..My eyes close, but your voice chimes in my mind.
...My finger travels slowly from the linen to my warm morning flesh... and as it wanders it prepares for a long anticipated, but memorable feeling.

A fortuitous play for hunger to ease your starvation.

A chance hold at the rocky shelf you yearn for to grasp in my soul.

A candle to aid your path of confusion and lead you to understanding and complacency. To reassure your stuborness that the inner conflict is now silenced.
.
.
Yet I lay here,
..unabated and inspired by the pinks and sienna of the fantastic sunrise emitting through the filter of the curtains; soft and apathetic.
...The breeze blows through.

I could touch you now if you'd not stop me
..before my caress hinders your skin and bornes the flesh of goose bumps.

I could kiss you
..had you not placed your finger upon my lips
...and proposed a sweeter more conflicting direction.

I could tell you all these things
..had you not stifled my words with sweet whispers
...of promises yet to be fulfilled.

I could do this.

But instead my fingers leave my hardened nipples and revisit the softness of the fabric I squirm upon.
I stroke the sheets patiently in wait for the lock to click and for you to walk back in that door.




I know we were supposed to do something in theme for St. Patricks Day, but... This is Madame's favorite photo.. and because she's an Irish lassie, I'm dedicating this for her.

Enjoy the full frontal fuckers. I'm weary of putting an HNT link on here because it's not half nekkid, it's full naked. :) If Osbasso says I can still, then I will add it tomorrow.

Happy HNT people! And for fucks-sake Happy St. Patricks Day!

xx Em oo

Nips and Tucks

*Grabbing Ipod*

K so you ever tried to compile a play-list for a trip some where, or for fucking and just, like, find yourself maneuvering the songs to compliment the flow of your activities, or worse... Swaying from the formula on accident?!?!

I hate that! Because then I have to delete the whole fucking playlist and start over... Damn ipod. Seriously, Im not putting DMB in with Tool and Lords of Acid... Even if I like the song, it's just not appropriate for the venue.

I'm an Ipod geek. And I'm eclectic when it comes to music so I get ADD about it sometimes.

....

I'm REALLY horny right now and I REALLY need to fuck somebody. Like, right now... No like 10 minutes ago. Now will do. Thanks Sass for sending that sex-drive over from your place!! Appreciate it!! :) (huggs)

....

Grey-haired temple man approached me today to ask for directions to the fishing supply place (which incidentally is right across the street with the big FISHING SUPPLY sign). I think he did it on purpose to completely annihilate me and take my sexual needs to 2500 psi, I think he thought I needed that.

Thank you Mr. Grey-haired temple man. Thank you. And thank you to whoever sent him to the sidewalk I was standing at... It's much appreciated.

....

Why can't a girl just eat a banana in public by the way? I mean, what you want us to have potassium but we can't enjoy it in a public place? How fucked up is that? It's not my fault you're watching me, and no I'm not at all to blame for any traffic accidents that may occur. I call it an act of God.

Hump day is a day for fun. I like Hump day. Hump day should be literally 'hump day' and we should all hump each other at will... Like rabbits.

And yes, you know it's spring around where I live when rabbits fucking in our parks is front page news. Never mind the traffic issues and the clean up from numerous weather ridden locations...NO! They want to make rabbit fornication front page news here.
I love this place.

Jesus, and they are saying they need to get rid of the rabbits because they are jumping out in front of the park-goers to fuck and offending people.

Shit, I do that all the time.. I call it exhibitionism. (watch your bushes folks, I may be lurking).

PLUS they're multiplying the amount of rodent population in our public places. It could be a manifestation problem... I say, so the fuck what?!!?!

Let the rabbits fornicate! I think it's great!

God damn prudes, Your kid will get over it!!! Let them snicker, or even worse ask you!!
Jesus eventually they're gonna have to learn that we mate for fuckkssaaakkkee. Why not do it there, at the park... with the birds and bees... fluffy rabbits fucking in the spring sunshine.

The world is a happy happy place.
And it makes those lunch time park walks really 'neat'.

ummm. fluffy. bunnies. er. wow. I miss Blondie.

*checking calendar*

Soooo... enough with that...we still doing the calendar ladies?

Oops. Should have never written the digits.

I know I posted the archive dive. But a conversation earlier dictated I had to post this.... BIG WHOOPSIE!!! Please learn from my mistakes people...k?
Below is why you should always ALWAYS know who is between your legs before they get between your legs. And just because the chick is fucking gorgeous and all over you asking for a second 'date' do NOT give out your contact information on a whim. Thanks!

"What the hell is the matter with you?"

"Good morning to you too fucker."

"I got your article. Anything you want to tell me?"

"No, but I hear that you called me a diamond. Did you call me a diamond?"

"Em, I always call you a diamond. But specifically I said you sparkle like a 10k diamond"

*giggle* "Fucker I'm not a diamond, but thanks."

"On the contrary... when you step under the sun just right... you are brilliant. So, are you going to spit it? Or do I have to drive it out of you."

"Drive what?"

"What's on your mind?!? Spill!!!"

"Weellll, I'm tired and horny and distracted about being horny."

"So you need sex and sleep. Go home and get it."

"No no asshole, I got mine last night.... kinda."

"Kinda?"

"Yeah, vibrator... worked fine for me."

"So you came?"

"Yeah. at least seven times... so I should be good until lunch."

"Seven times... jesus Emma I wish I could make a girl cum seven times."

"Wrap yourself in silicone and vibrate variably next time you get a date to your room."

"Fuck you."

"Well, I'm just saying!"

"I have to ask you a question and I need an honest answer from you. Right now."

"K"

"There seems to be some commotion regarding a gentleman in the congress that just happened to have your contact information in his PDA. Before this breaks news, I need to know how you know this guy.... His name is *insert important dude's name here*"

"Oh yeah. *Giggle* I know him."

"Apparently. Did you sleep with him Em? Inquiring minds want to know."

-- silence on the line---

"Umm."

"WELL?!? Did you?!?!"

"No no no Shawn no.... I slept with his wife."

"You slept with *Important dude's name* wife? Are you shitting me? When was that?"

"Yeah, pretty sure it was her. Yeah, it was her, myself, and Red... Valentine's Day... she had on the red panties with the lace. Was nice... she was new at it... We had to show her --"

"You want to tell me how the fuck I'm supposed to pivot the commotion? I mean, this is bigger than the both of us... and certainly bigger than this puny alternative rag.... I don't think the Times has gotten a hold of it per se, but *insert staff member's name here* got the information from a house rep and wants to do the story."

"What the hell is a house rep doing with *important dude's name* PDA? And hey, it's not like I'm a fucking Heidi Fleiss here Shawn... she wanted it, we gave it to her... has nothing to do with him. Just tell *staff member's name* that I'm an acquaintance of his wife and that there's nothing there.... because there isn't! Dude is into binky's and diaper changes anyway. I don't do the 'baby fetish'... scares me."

*sigh*

"What Shawn, what?"

"Alright, I'll tell him it's a Pampered Chef thing... but you need to not contact *important dude*."

"Have faith fucker, I'm not about screwing political figures... too messy."

"Oh, but the spouses are fair game."

"She was hot, and it was an orgy.... what do you want from me Shawn? I gave you my answer honestly and now we're done worrying about this. Seriously honey don't dwell... I'm not."

"You're right. Maybe I can tweak the diapers and binky angle and make it an editorial kink-politician article. Corruption of the weird kind on the house floor and all. You have to know that you're not the only one on the PDA list Em, there were other women too... Some of them well known and you all had stars next to you, like a rating scale."

"Now you're thinking like an editor! Wait... I was in a list with well known women on *important dudes* PDA... with STARS!!?!! AWESOME!! Jesus what was my star scale? I have to know!!!"

"Alright shit, hold on I'll check"

*hold muzak*

"Soo.. what are you doing later?"

"What's my star scale fucker? You better tell me... did it suck?"

"You know what Em, I swear I'm going to have to find a way to just sleep with you. I am. Just to have this 'enlightening experience' for myself."

"What was it fucker... Just fucking tell me."

"five... ..out of five."

"No shit huh? Wow... That fucking ROCKS!! I'm a fucking celebrity!!! Wanna meet later and smoke some cigars? Talk about shit... not sleep together?"

"You have issues. You have to know this."

"Yeah, but I came seven times, I'm a five out of five on *important dude's* PDA and you called me a diamond so I got that going for me."

"Christ. Yeah meet me at *the bar* and we'll hunker down on this a bit more. I'll go play fail-safe. But if I try to fuck you don't be pissed."

"You won't fuck me Shawn. You're homosexual"

"No, just limp wristed."

"Are you going to try and sleep with my husband while I'm gone fucker?"

"Fuck you Emma. I might just to piss you off."

"Wow. record that, would be hot. Then we can put you in his PDA with a star rating."

"My rating would be off the charts. Okay, I gotta fly. Talk to you later slut."

"Coo... cya fuck stik"

"Yeah, see ya Starfucker."

Capturing the moment with impeccable timing

Another classic for the masses.

Ahhh I know, the archive dives kinda suck if you've already read them... But the neat thing about blogs are that those too lazy or get overwhelmed by archives can enjoy these classics without searching for them.

I find this post really extremely appropriate for the time being and I must admit that the Goose inspired me with his story and music combo yesterday.

Thought I would re-try this post again with music...

The first time I posted it, it got a great reaction, and requests to do more... So errr.. again... enjoy!

**** Begin post*****

Right now, at this very moment, I'm listening to music, smoking a j and writing my Halloween escapades for you to enjoy (as well as other projects that needed wrapping up)... That's all well and good, sure.

But I had to stop for just one moment and share an epiphany I just had.

Epiphanies are rare with me... take them as you get them.

My #1 NEW 'strip set' song is Shine on you crazy diamond by Pink Floyd. There's no way I cannot strip to this song... or at least remove one piece of clothing just thinking about fucking somebody to it.

Actually I'm teetering over whether it's better for stripping or seducing. Leaning more on the seducing side since the song is so damn slow. Either way... I think I've got it in hand *perk*

Ladies, really... am I not kidding here? I have it all figured out below. I mean, let's think about this....

It starts slow, so ya might have to edit the first minute or two from the start, because it's mostly soft guitar and random sounds.... I would cut that myself. personally. But only if I were stripping... If I were seducing somebody... I would totally keep that in. I mean, it's a cool start to a very passionate sexual session... an introduction of chemistry if you will.

And as the first part of the song completely fades.... We start at the strip set.

(errr... but I prefer to think about the mental seduction and soft touching at this stage... )

****
But then the lone guitar solo moans out from the silence of the break and it cries passion and yearning.
I can definitely envision teases of shoulders... thighs... maybe shedding a blouse, slipping out of a tight skirt slowly... running the hand along the stockings, creeping up towards the garter and then back to the toes. Make sure this is done vvverrryyy sllloowwwllyy allowing the tease manifest to occur...

little flesh.. then pull it back... flesh.. back... flesh flesh... ditch the fucking garment.

As the first part of the song fades completely... suspense rules as you stand in your bra and panties.... Leaving the men (and women) hanging on for more.
.

Then as it gets more into the song, the addition of the drums and bass bring you to a pinnacle of eroticism; a steady beat resides, strong and sensual.

It picks up in excess and sound... good down and dirty stripping right here I tell ya.
Pop off the bra, perhaps slowly removing garters and stockings... maybe a tease with a finger up the middle of the abdomen, nipple rubbing little pinches....burlesque pole work there, sliding up and down the length, gripping it... stroking the steel a little... Defining within yourself the cool of the pole in contrast to your hot body against it.

Definitely.

This part of the song is extremely long. I'm thinking that this would be a good time for a lap dance, a removal of his clothes, or well... if you're doing it right you could be making out already... I dunno, chose your preference on that. I propose to make out... but that's just me.

**** umm okay now... what was I saying? oh yeah ****

By the time Pink is singing... you should be knee deep in foreplay and clothes ripping.
Hot heavy torrid smokin toe curling foreplay. The kind with a tongue and a will to please indefinitely. Pop buttons, bust zippers... do what ya gotta do. Own that bitch, and make the fucker yours.

You should both be all touch, grope and pause...

Okay okay... if you're not intending to fuck during this song, it's sad.

But umm... if you were just stripping to it? You could do some dangerous ass grinding and perhaps a bit more burlesque pole. But go easy on the burlesque pole... sometimes too much is too much.

*If you ARE stripping to this song, end reading here and just grind your assets til the end of the set....

If You are NOT stripping and just straight fucking to it.... follow below:

K, you should be almost fucking by now... almost definitely fucking by the break line. Yep, that should be where it's at most absofuckinglutely.

When the saxophone kicks in you should be straddling your man, on the face is fine... (Ladies get yours, okay?) Or even approaching your partner on the bed, sliding down on top of his shaft, buring yourself and working it into you. Tease Fuck-style even ladies... tease fuck style.

This is the pounding part, the grinding and writhing part.. the climax part where nothing drives you more than to satisfy him and yourself. Make it last and last until you just... cant..hold... it... in... and.. you...

"oh god, oh jesus... fuck... oh yeah. oh yeah... I'm cuming!"

back arch. open mouth, clenched eyes and teeth, finger grip on his flesh. *sigh*

Yeah, you could be working it right about now nicely... to a great combination of guitar, bass, sax, and drum which combine and get as loud as you do (good for drowning noise if that's your function... always orgasm during the bridges and climactic endings).

The ending of the song is great for falling in a heap on the floor when you're done... It softens abruptly, fades slowly, leaving you with the whine of the saxophone... You can sigh and wipe the sweat from your brow.
.
Kiss him gently.
.
Wipe the sweat from his brow.
.
Tell him he was the best you ever had.

So, did you see it then? The visual? The plan?
If you're not convinced I should strip to it then well. Harumph.

Listen to it and tell me if you think I'm wrong. JESUS, if you guys don't own Pink Floyds Wish you were Here album, then I can't help you.

And yes I did, I had it in vinyl.
*sigh* I still do.

Uh, yeah, so anyway back to writing... I just thought I'd share that epiphany with ya. *ahem*

I'm still trying to figure out if that's really something I want to pursue... or if it's pipe dreams.
Depends on how the rest of the evening goes I guess.

*giggle*

*********** end of original post **************

So now that you've read that... Listen for yourself and tell me what you think. Remember though, this IS a thirteen minute song... so take your lunch break.. close your eyes... and just soar while I strip for ya.